


Of Poles And Promises

by Talwyn



Category: Glee
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-09-29
Updated: 2015-05-08
Packaged: 2017-12-28 00:01:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 27
Words: 82,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/985211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Talwyn/pseuds/Talwyn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Through no fault of her own Rachel finds herself surviving in New York rather than living, working a job she hates just to survive and praying that the people from her past, from her previous life, will never find out how far she's fallen. But Santana tracks her down and gives her a chance to reclaim her life and in the process maybe find someone she wants to spend that life with.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The music for the previous performer fades away and leaves Rachel standing in near silence behind the stage curtain waiting for her cue to go on. A familiar wave of nausea washes over the diva and she swallows the feeling down as she unconsciously runs her hands over her body smoothing down the material of her costume. She'd been performing here for nearly two years now and still it made her feel sick every time she had to step through that curtain, she thought she should have been past that by now.

She swallows thickly as her music starts, then positions her hands on the edge of the slightly frayed curtain preparing herself for what must come next. She takes a deep breath as the music reaches her cue and flips the curtain, stepping through exactly on time to be speared against the curtains by a large, very bright spotlight. One more deep breath and she opens her mouth…

And doesn't sing.

No one sings here, people don't come here to hear anyone sing. She supposes she could if she wanted to but without a microphone she would be lucky if her voice was audible to herself over the thumping of the sound system, even the people sitting right next to the stage wouldn't be able to hear her. No, instead she's expected to mime with the music track like all of the other performers, even if she could probably blow the bitch on the cd out of the water with her voice.

The nerves have gone, that's one good thing at least. When she's actually on the stage she usually doesn't feel anything except numbness and occasionally disgust, the only thing she's thinking about is getting the performance over and getting off the stage again. Feelings won't come back till later, hopefully when she's safely at home and alone where no one can see her weakness and where she can drown them in cheap booze.

Her eyes involuntarily land on the pole at the end of the stage and she starts the first section of her performance, the stalk towards the pole, her hips swaying in an exaggerated manner that's supposed to be attractive but Rachel thinks just looks stupid. She will spend the next fifteen minutes of her life dancing and slowly taking off her clothes for the entertainment of what is, in her opinion, the lowest form of life on the planet.

It doesn't escape her that this is exactly where she told a certain Latina that she would end up. God must have one hell of a sense of irony.

But the Latina didn't end up here, hidden in obscurity and on pretty much the lowest level of the social and employment ladders. Santana had been discovered after about six months in New York and a year later her first album pretty much went platinum as soon as it was released. Three and a half years and two more albums later and everyone knew who Santana Lopez was and what she looked like.

No one knows Rachel's name or her face. The performers here are all required to wear ornamental masks and to be honest the diva is a little thankful for that. She really does not want to be recognized for doing this particular job, which was is the reason she went to the effort of persuaded the owner to allow her to add a red wig to her mask. Technically they weren't supposed to wear wigs, a weird rule the owner had come up with, but when he'd liked the look on Rachel and gave her special permission.

Rachel hadn't kept in touch with Santana or many of the other Glee club members. She only really talked to Kurt and occasionally Quinn these days and she would never tell them the truth about what she was doing for her meager living, as far as they knew she was on an off-off-broadway play, still scraping a living but at least doing what she loved.

She hadn't done what she loved for a very long time.

Hell she hadn't done anything she vaguely liked in a very long time.

Tonight was ladies night at the club, a concept that Rachel had found rather odd in the beginning for a strip club. Why would women want to come and see another women strip? But then she thought of Santana and figured the Latina was the textbook answer to that question. The thought of a room full of people like her scared the diva just a little.

But ladies night had its advantages. For a start and for some reason she didn't understand, no women ever sat on the stools around the edge of the stage and with the spotlight blinding her to the rest of the club she could pretend she was alone in the room for a while instead of having to avoid the lustful stares and grabby hands of drooling imbeciles.

It also meant that she didn't have to perform any lap dances tonight; just her two stage performances and then she could escape this hellhole. Not that lap dances didn't happen on ladies night, it was just that she wasn't scheduled to do them. Sometimes she wondered if the woman would be any easier to dance for than some of the men, she'd heard they tend to tip more at least and they'd probably be less handsy. There is actually competition to be on lap dancing duty for ladies night.

And best of all she actually got to keep her thong on when she performed, though again this was something she didn't understand. She guessed that women preferred to leave something to the imagination, or at least her boss thought that women preferred that, not that he'd actually have a clue. But at least that meant she didn't spend the last few minutes of the show wearing only white knee-highs, penny loafers, her mask and a very, very fake smile.

Ah yes, her costume. One of the very first things she'd be told when she got this "job" was that she'd need to come up with a costume that the clientele liked. After a few abortive attempts she had been sitting at one of the makeup tables looking at a Glee club photo and wondering where her life had gone so wrong that she couldn't even get this right. The boss had looked over her shoulder curious to see what was holding the little diva's attention and suggested she should try the outfit she was wearing in the photo.

So her costume consists of an animal knit sweater, short argyle skirt and white knee high socks with penny loafers and, probably the worst part as far as Rachel is concerned, a lollipop to suck on when she wasn't syncing to song lyrics. The only difference between then and now was what she wore underneath, white cotton panties and a plain bra wouldn't go down very well around here. Sadly the costume had been a surprising success which had just made Rachel feel faintly sick and reminded her of Santana's comments about how she dressed so many years ago.

The sweater came off first followed a few minutes later by the skirt, both receiving whoops from the crowed. Her routine had her spending some time on the pole now and while it was difficult to play to a crowed she couldn't see and really didn't give a damn about, she does her best because her boss will dock her pay if he thinks she's not enthusiastic enough.

Like she's ever enthusiastic.

Her bra comes off about half way through her performance and that receives some cheers and a few whistles and then she's counting the seconds until she can collect her clothes and get off the damn stage. She's at the hardest part of her performance now, the part that makes her feel the dirtiest, but if she wants to keep this job she has no choice. She has to touch herself, play with her breasts and nipples until they are hard, even slide her hand between her legs a few times, though thankfully she doesn't have to go inside. But at least she still has the thong on covering her hand, unlike other nights where the men sit around the stage with their mouths open and drool literally running down their chins.

She doesn't particularly want to keep this job, but in her head there are just two choices if she manages to get herself fired from a place like this, starvation or prostitution and she's much rather touch herself than let others touch her or do worse. So she dances on the poll, takes off her clothes, touches herself for other people's pleasure while trying to avoid throwing up over everyone and fantasizes about taking a ten pound sledge hammer to the testicles of every man sitting around the stage.

Her performance ends with a round of applause and some wolf whistles and she's already pulling the sweater over her head before she's even back through the curtains. She feels the nausea returning already and she would really prefer to get home before she had to throw up, or at least get out of the building. So she changes as quickly as she can, hanging her costume on its hangers before making a break for the side exit. She pauses once she's outside, taking a deep breath of glorious fresh(ish) New York air and letting her stomach settle a little before she turns to start her walk to the subway.

"I thought that was you Hobbit."

That was all it took to cause Rachel to bend over and empty what little there was in her stomach against the side if the building. She had dreaded this moment, hoped it would never happen and actually had nightmares about it, night after night waking up in a cold sweat with dread and foreboding clawing at her heart. She had been betting that in a city of over eight million people, the chances of it actually happening was non-existent.

It looks like she lost that bet.

In her dream it was Santana, Quinn, Mercedes or sometimes Kurt. On one crushing occasion that left her curled up in bed weeping for days it was her fathers. But someone from her past would see her and recognize her and then everyone would know what she had been reduced to.

"Rachel? You okay?"

She hears Santana's steps as the Latina cautiously walks over to her and there's no way in hell Rachel wants to talk to the Latina, so she does the only thing she can do, she runs. The sidewalk is only a few yards away and a cab happens to be passing and stops when Rachel throws out her hand. The diva dives in to the back seat and shouts her address to the driver who thankfully pulls away before Santana can catch up in, Rachel is sure, her expensive heels.

She can't really afford a taxi all the way home, not if she wants to eat for the rest of the week, but she's too thrown by the encounter with Santana to be able to make it home on the subway and so she slumps in the back of the cab watching New York pass by and doesn't even realise she has been silently crying until her view of the city blurs behind the tears.

At one point she catches a glimpse of Broadway which just makes her want to throw up again.

They eventually reach her building and the fare manages to pretty much clean her out as she expected, she's got basically five bucks to do her to the end of the week when she'll get paid again. At least she has a card for the subway.

She climbs the five flights of stairs to her efficiency apartment, the elevator is once again broken, rips off the overdue rent notice pinned to her door and sighs in relief as she closes and locks the door behind her before slumping against it for a moment. After a few minutes she manages to push herself up and strips out of her clothes before heading in to her shower to spend about twenty minutes under the weak and lukewarm stream of water trying in vain to scrub her body clean of the dirty and disgusting feeling she always had after work. It doesn't work of course, it never works and in the end she dries herself off and collapses naked into bed.

The tears haven't stopped, but now she's at home where she can't be seen it doesn't matter anymore. There are only two ways she spends her evenings after work these days anyway, either crying herself to sleep or drinking enough cheap whiskey or vodka until she blacks out. She reaches out for the half empty bottle of Jack Daniels Old No 7 she had bought when she decided to get something decent for a change and twisted off the top of the bottle.

Tonight was definitely a drinking night.


	2. Chapter 2

_Earlier that day._

Santana couldn't suppress the shudder that travelled down her spine as she stepped out of her car and looked up at the building before her. It doesn't look all that different from the ones around it except for the garish fluorescent logos that adorn the front and the painted over windows. And yet standing before that building Santana swears she can feel a dark malaise seemingly seeping out of the very structure to engulf anyone passing by.

The Latina is having serious second thoughts about this and she might have returned to her car except for two things. First, if the investigator had been right Rachel seriously needed her help and while she might not fall into the friends category she is definitely covered by the 'no one left behind' category in Santana's mind. And the second reason, well her car has already driven away as per her instructions to the driver.

So instead she straightens her aviator sunglasses, takes a steadying breath and walks towards the open door of the building. An electronic sign bolted to the wall next to the door proclaims ladies night and Santana is happy to see the investigator has gotten that correct at least. But if that's correct then will the rest of what she had found out be accurate too?

Santana really couldn't believe that all of this came from a simple and unexpected desire to catch the show that Rachel was supposedly performing in. When the diva hadn't shown Santana had asked around and came away with more questions than she started with and a slight worry that Rachel appeared to be missing. The director of the show hadn't recognized Rachel's name or the photo the Latina had managed to find in a Facebook album.

Over the next few days that worry grew. Was Rachel a Jane Doe in a hospital or a morgue somewhere? Had she been hurt or even killed and no one knew? Worse had she hurt herself deliberately? Eventually the Latina had called Quinn back to check she had gotten the details of the show correct, which she had, and find out when the blonde had last talked to Rachel. Santana was surprised to find that she was very relieved to find that the two had a short conversation only a few days previously.

Quinn had figured something was going on and with very little effort had gotten the truth out of Santana. The blonde had immediately tried to call Rachel only to find her mobile and home phone numbers were out of service which explained why Rachel usually called her when they were supposed to talk, giving the excuse that her schedule was full of practices and performances and it was just easier for Rachel to do the calling.

Santana had made the rounds of many of the off-off-broadway and off-broadway shows trying in vain to find any hint of the girl but the best she could come up with was Rachel performing at auditions two to three years ago. Checking with the superintendent at her last known apartment block revealed that Rachel had left with little notice and eventually Santana had gotten to the point of hiring a private investigator when she ran out of ideas.

Surprisingly it hadn't taken the investigator long. A little under a week later she had shown up at Santana's door with a thin file containing everything she had found out, and that file had led Santana here. Her relief that Rachel was actually alive and well had been short lived when she had read what the diva was doing for a living. She hadn't believed it at first and still couldn't believe it to be honest, but if it were correct, if Rachel was working here, then she needed help and for reasons Santana didn't fully understand she couldn't walk away and leave her.

"Are you coming in or what?" A gruff voice demands.

The voice of the guy on the door snaps Santana out of her contemplation and she realizes that she's been standing on the steps staring blankly up at the building for an indeterminate amount of time. She climbs the remainder of the steps only to find her progress blocked by the same goon.

"Twenty dollars."

"What?"

"Cover fee." He grunts.

Santana rolls her eyes and produces a twenty dollar bill which disappears into a cash box on a small table next to the entrance.

"And I.D."

Santana sneers at the trained monkey and raises an eyebrow, "Seriously?" When he nods she reaches into her purse and pulls out a one hundred dollar bill, the last thing she needs right now is someone with a single digit IQ eyeballing her I.D. because god knows what would get back to the press. She holds up the folded note between two fingers and waves it under his nose, "Ben Franklin says you don't need to see my I.D."

It seems to take the guy and age to work out what she means and then even longer for him to decide if he's going to accept the bribe, but then the folded bill disappears into a pocket and a jerk of the trained monkeys head gives her access to the club. Santana steps forward through the swing doors into the main body of the club.

Her impression of the place does not improve.

It's dark for a start except for a bright spotlight trained on the dancer currently on the stage, not Rachel Santana decides after a moments consideration, and honestly that's probably a good thing because whoever designed this place didn't have much in the way of taste. Or apparently know the meaning of the word subtlety.

The first thing anyone will notice on entering the room is the stage, extending from the back wall to pretty much the middle of the room in the shape of, well there's no other description except for a certain piece of male anatomy. The stage projects out like a runway to a budging rounded tip where a dance pole rises up to the ceiling. Two more rounded areas on either side of the stage where it meets the back wall also have poles and provide the balls to the main stage's cock.

Santana can't help but roll her eyes.

There are chairs of various types scattered apparently randomly around the room, sometimes singly, sometimes in pairs or groups and occasionally surrounding a small round table with a pole rising up out of it. There is an area to Santana's left that appears to be a VIP zone, or what small excuse this club has for one, where the floor is raised a foot or so up from level with a few steps leading up to it. The seating there seems to be rather fancier than the rest of the club and better maintained, but the area is empty and cordoned off at the moment.

About half of the groups of seating contain women, either on their own or in groups. Some of them just talking and drinking and some of them are receiving dances from scantily clad dancers. Santana is a little surprised at some of the women she sees here, there are certainly some that seem to be more sophisticated that you'd expect in a place like this. One group is louder and more boisterous than the others and from the weird outfits Santana takes them for a bachelorette party and so she deliberately finds free table on the far side of the club from them.

Almost as soon as she sits a waiter is at her elbow and she has to admit they seem to know what the word service means in this place, though that thought does make her cringe. Her drink comes fast enough though and as she sips she takes a moment to survey the girls she can see dancing. It doesn't take long for her to decide that Rachel isn't among them but what she does see worries her. A lot of them look too thin and she can tell they are pale even in this darkness and Santana thinks one or two may even be high.

Santana can only hope that Rachel hasn't fallen into those particular bad habits yet.

It only takes a few moments before she's approached by the first wandering dancer which doesn't really surprise her, that's probably how they make most of their money anyway. She sends the first two away without blinking but when she looks up at the third she feels like her heart has stopped beating. Brittany? Could Brittany really be here dancing in a place like this without the Latina knowing? But that's ridiculous, Santana had just spoken to Britt a few days ago via Skype and she was in LA working on a routine for a music video.

But then she had also thought Rachel was performing in a musical.

"You want a dance honey?" the blonde asks.

Santana breathes a sigh of relief because while this girl looks like Britt, her voice is totally different. This is someone Santana doesn't know, just the doppelganger of one of her best friends. But still the dancer looks like Britt and for some reason the Latina can't just send her away, so instead she nods and gives the girl a fifty when she asks for twenty dollars and almost jumps out of her skin when the blonde makes as if she's going to sit in Santana's lap.

"No!" Santana blurts trying to push the dancer away without actually touching her, "Um, I meant on the table" she manages to recover pointing at the small round table set near the chair she's sitting in, "Is that okay?"

"You just had to ask babe." The dancer says before turning to climb up onto the table to start gyrating on the pole.

Now the blonde is at a safe distance Santana manages to relax and actually watches her dance. She's not as good as Britt is, that particular blonde could probably make everyone within fifty yards orgasm just by wrapping her legs around the pole, but she has some skills and the Latina has to admit she finds the display entertaining. That is until the girl's crop top hits her in the face.

"I'm looking for someone." Santana says out of nowhere.

"Aren't we all honey" the dancer says as her shorts land on Santana's lap, "But I don't swing that way. Sorry."

"No, I mean someone in particular." She produces the photo she had blown up and cropped from a Glee club photo, "This was taken a few years ago, but I'd be surprised if she's changed much."

The dancer glances at the photo as she drops her bra onto Santana's lap, "What is she to you?"

"A friend."

"Uh-huh." The dancer seems to be examining Santana closely as she dances around the pole, "Let me guess Miss Lopez, you just found out she's working at this dump and came to sweep her away to a better life."

Santana's eyes widen when she realizes she's been recognized and she glances around nervously not sure if she's looking for an escape or to see if anyone else heard.

"Don't worry" The dancer says with a smile, "I won't tell anyone your here."

Santana nods and swallows, "She's not supposed to be working in a place like this; she has real talent that can take her places. So yeah, if she's here I want to help her."

The dancer has stopped dancing and is examining the Latina closely, "Well, for her sake I hope you're for real and not some nutcase."

"So she's here?"

"Yeah and she hasn't changed one little bit, literally. Same outfit though she wears a red wig when she dances." The dancer says, "She only does stage dances on ladies night though, she's not been here long enough to work the floor."

"When will she be on?"

The dancer turns to look at the stage then jumps down to sit on the table as she starts getting dressed again. "After she's done" she says referring to the dancer, "Your girl will be on in half an hour." The dancer stands to walk away, "Good luck."

"Wait" Santana calls her back and produces a one hundred dollar bill, "How about another dance?"

* * *

Santana's heart is in her throat when Rachel is due to walk out on to the stage. The music kicks in, there's movement at the curtains and a spotlight snaps on and pins a girl against the curtains. There is no doubt in Santana's mind that this is Rachel and she feels sick to her stomach when she sees what the girl is wearing, the blonde dancer had been right, it was like seeing Rachel from high school up on the stage. She really doesn't want to watch but she can't seem to drag her eyes away from the scene before her, watching as the diva marches down the runway to swing around the pole at the end.

The first thing Santana notices after Rachel's costume is that the diva is faking it. She looks happy, smiling as she sings along to the music and dances up and down the stage, but Santana is surprised to find that she can read the girl better than she thought and recognizes the tension in the way she holds her body, the fakeness behind the smile and the dead look in her eyes.

Santana feels her heart ache for the girl.

The Latina is actually relieved when Rachel steps back through the curtain and off of the stage. She's spent the last few minutes since Rachel took off her bra mentally begging the girl not to take off her thong and had almost thrown up when she saw the diva slide her hand underneath the thin material while she gazed out over the crowd with a blank expression. Santana sits there for a minute trying to collect herself before she realizes that Rachel might already be heading to the side exit and the next moment she is out the main door and halfway down the alleyway next to the building.

She had just stepped in to the shadows at the end of the alley when the side door swings open and Rachel steps out. The diva lets the door slam shut behind her and seems to pause to take a couple of deep breaths.

"I thought that was you Hobbit."

Santana had been ready pretty much for any reaction, from a straight up dash for freedom to an ear blasting from Rachel's rape whistle or even a face full of mace. She wasn't ready for the girl to bend over at the waist and empty her stomach over the side of the building.

"Rachel? You okay?"

That's when Rachel did her impression of a rabbit and makes a dash for it. Santana hadn't been expecting that anymore and the diva had managed to get half way down the alley before the Latina started moving. But all Santana could do was look on in anguish as a cab seems to appear out of nowhere when Rachel throws out her arm and the diva dives in to the back. Once Santana reaches the sidewalk, the cab is nowhere to be seen.

Santana pulls out her phone with a sigh and hits the speed dial. The call is answered almost immediately.

"Did you find her?" Quinn asks.

"Yes."

There is a pause then Quinn asks, "Is she okay? Is she safe?"

Santana stands looking in the direction that the cab had left in, "I really don't know Q."

Another pause, longer this time. "I'll be in New York the day after tomorrow."

There is a click before the lines goes dead.


	3. Chapter 3

The sun sneaked through the small gap between the cheap curtains covering the only window in the apartment and burns through Rachel's eyelids until she finally wakes with a groan only to roll over and bury her head in her pillow. Her head was thumping as it always did after a drinking night, but she had become so used to the pain that she could tolerate a lot more than she used to. Still she reaches for and finds the pain killers sitting on the improvised bedside cabinet and dry swallows two before returning to hiding in her pillow and waiting for the little white pills to take effect.

There is a banging on her door an indeterminate amount of time later and the voice of the building superintendent can be heard calling through the door. He's looking for her rent again and she lays quiet on her bed and ignores him, hoping this isn't the day he'll decide to use his master key to open the door and drag her out of the apartment. But it looks like there is some luck on her side because after a few more thumps at her door his footsteps can be heard retreating down the stairs and silence falls again.

No doubt she'll find another demand pinned to her door later on today.

She manages to flip on the television and pays absolutely no attention to the reality shows and other crap that parades across the screen until it is time for her to head out to work. Her last five dollars is spent at McDonald's on a cheeseburger, fries and a milkshake. She's long ago given up being a vegan since all the cheap food, the stuff that she can still afford, is all made for meat eaters these days. Not that McDonald's is food, well not good food anyway, and she's pretty sure the only reason she hasn't ended up putting on a lot of weight is due to how infrequently she eats and how often her work causes her to throw up.

Her remaining few cents goes into her pocket and Rachel hopes she gets a good tipper tonight otherwise she's going to be very hungry for a few days. Not that she isn't used to going hungry, but the last time she fainted on the stage the boss threatened to fire her if it happened again cementing Rachel's opinion that he was one evil bastard. Maybe if he actually paid them enough to survive on then things like that wouldn't happen in the first place but it is not like she's going to get anything other than fired if she complains.

She sits in her usual spot in the park across town from the club for a while. She comes here to get away from her claustrophobic apartment and the hell that is the club. This place, sitting on a bench out in the fresh air and the sun, is a refuge for the diva, a place where she can just for a few minutes forget about the torment of her life, forget about what could have been, forget about what she has been reduced to just to survive and just live and breathe and exist.

But time will never stop passing and soon Rachel has to leave for the club. She hopes that Santana won't show up tonight, that the Latina will just forget about her and get on with her own life but in her heart she knows that its more likely that she will turn up, even if only to laugh at the diva. But Rachel can't miss a night's work right now, if she could she wouldn't be doing this job and at least if Santana causes a scene the bouncers will get rid of her and if she just sits and watches then Rachel will just ignore her.

She gets off of the subway at the nearest station to the club and walks the last block and a half to get there, each step adding to the familiar feeling of nausea that fills her stomach. But today she manages to keep control of herself even when she makes it into the changing room and collects her costume from its place on the rack. She has two performances again tonight, the first pretty early on in the night and the second about last in the running order and in between she's expected to don thong, bra, tiny sequin shorts and transparent crop top and ply her trade out of the floor trying to make customers pay her for a lap dance.

The first performance goes well enough all things considered. It is early enough that there aren't too many mouth breathers on the stools around the stage and those that are seem happy enough just to sit and watch. But it is worse than last night too because by the end of her performance she's naked and there's nothing to hide her hand from staring eyes as it slides between her legs.

The diva can't help but field relieved when she can step behind the curtain again and she takes a few minutes to allow her stomach to settle before she changes into her other outfit and heads out into the club to tout her wares. Lap dancing means she's closer to the clientele than on stage so she has to watch out for wandering hands and other things, but it also means she keeps her thong on no matter what, the only place girls get naked in this club is on the stage, thank god.

Finding people what want to pay her to dance for them is never that tricky, with her naturally tan skin, shorter stature and red wig she stands out amongst the leggy blondes that seem to be the mainstay of the club and so Rachel managed to find takers for about a dozen lap dances before trouble happens. She even gets some decent tips which means she won't be hungry for the rest of the week, either that or she can go get some more liquor to help her sleep at night. Liquor to forget just for a little while or food so she isn't hungry, it's going to be a close call.

But for the first time ever she has a problem client, two of them actually, one after the other which was just fucking typical. One guy pulls out his cock and starts jerking off as soon as the dance starts and the other ignores the look but don't touch rules and tries to push his hand into her thong when she gets close enough. The bouncers are good here though, that's one thing that can be said for the club, and before anything can seriously happen the two assholes are dragged out the side door where, Rachel is led to believe, they will be taught how to behave by having the shit kicked out of them.

They whole thing leaves her feel more dirty and disgusting than normal and so, after the second event, she retreats behind the stage to the changing room to wait out the time before it is once again her time to go on. This is where one of the bouncers finds her a quarter of an hour later to hand her four hundred and fifty dollars, the contents of the two jerks wallets that the bouncers had emptied after they had dealt with the wallet's owners. It just makes her feel nauseous again but she's not in the position to turn down the cash, so she takes four hundred dollars and leave the bouncers the other fifty to split between them. These guys keep her safe so it's always best to keep on their good side.

Thankfully her final performance of the day passes without incident, though she thinks there was one guy jerking off at the side of the stage, but as long as he kept it below the edge of the stage and she could keep away from him, she is beyond caring. She changes quickly and is about to step out of the side door when she remembers who was waiting for her the previous night and so searches out one of the bouncers to check the alleyway that stretches from the door to the sidewalk for anyone waiting.

The all clear given Rachel quickly makes for the subway station and home. It is only when she's standing outside her apartment ripping yet another late rent notice off the door that she realizes she didn't stop at the liquor store on the way home and there was nothing left in the apartment that she could use to drown her sorrows tonight. She considered descending the stairs again or trying to borrow something from a neighbor, even though she doesn't actually know anyone else who lives in this building, but discards the idea quickly. All she really wants to do is climb in to her shower and scrub herself raw.

She locks the door behind her and makes straight for the shower, this time spending half an hour under the weak spray but still not feeling much better than when she stepped in. She's drying her hair with the towel as she steps out of the bathroom to find someone sitting on the edge of her bed. Her body makes to run, naked or not the need to escape from this stranger invading her space is overwhelming, but when the stranger speaks, Rachel finds herself rooted to the spot.

"Hello again Hobbit."

"How did you get in here?" Rachel demands though only really for something to say.

"Quinn taught me to pick locks a long time ago Tiny and that thing is pretty much a joke" she says gesturing to the door to Rachel's apartment. Her gaze lingers on Rachel's naked form for a few moments to long before she looks away, "Are you going to get dressed or what?"

"You were at the club last night weren't you?" Rachel asks to receive a nod from Santana, "So you've paid to see me naked already."

Rachel throws herself onto her bed behind Santana, she just doesn't care anymore. She doesn't feel nauseous, she doesn't feel the creeping dirtiness that always accompanies her home from work, she doesn't feel the dread of another day at the club or of anyone from her past finding out, she just feels numb. Because the worst has already happened, Santana knows and soon everyone from her past will know. She expects she'll see a parade of ex-friends and enemies through the club now, all coming to see what she has been reduced to.

She might even have to dance for some of them.

"Why couldn't you just leave me alone Santana?" If she could feel anything right now Rachel was pretty sure she'd be horribly embarrassed by how weak and whiny her voice sounded.

"You know that's not what I do Midget."

"No, you torment and tease and frustrate and make people's lives a living hell just because it amuses you" Rachel says, her face buried in her pillow and her voice totally void of emotion, "We'll here is a newsflash for you Satan, my life is already hell so there's pretty much nothing you can do to make it any worse. So why don't you just head back to your penthouse and expensive food and clothes and fake friends and just leave me alone."

There are a few moments of absolute silence, Rachel can't even hear the other girl breathe, and then a cell phone pings indicating a new text. There is some rustling of clothes, a few moments silence and then footsteps crossing to the door before it swings open and closes again. Rachel glances over her shoulder and she is relieved to find she is alone once again. She knew it wouldn't be that easy though, Santana was never one to give up on an easy target and Rachel considers that the Latina is probably just waiting for the best time to strike.

Except she doesn't remain alone in her apartment for very long, the door opens and closes again a few minutes later and the room fills with the smell of hot coffee and Chinese food.

"Are you not dressed yet?" Santana asks with an amused tone.

"I don't usually have many visitors at this time of night."

"Here, food. Eat."

Santana places large cup of coffee and some food containers on the bedside cabinet before sitting down on the side of the bed again to start digging in to her own food. There aren't any other seats in the small room.

"I'm not hungry" Rachel says but the smell filling the room causes her stomach to rebel and rumble loudly as she speaks.

"You haven't had anything since at least before you arrived at the club and I'm pretty sure you haven't been eating right for quite some time before that, so you're going to damn well eat that or I'll hold you down and force it down your throat myself. Your choice."

"Yeah, you'd enjoy that wouldn't you?" Rachel bitches.

But she sits up on her bed not bothering to try and cover herself and grabs the closest food container. They eat without talking for a while with just the sound of the occasional slurp of coffee to interrupt the silence and while she starts off reluctantly Santana is right, she hasn't really eaten properly in as long as she can remember and the Chinese food tastes better than anything she can remember. She finishes all her food before Santana has even gotten half way through hers but the Latina silently hands Rachel the remainder of her food and the diva eats that too. Once all the food is gone Rachel throws herself down on her bed again, this time face up.

"What are you doing Santana?" Rachel asks as she stares unfeeling at the cracked ceiling, "Are you just trying to make me feel a little better before you pull the rug out from under me again?" She's more curious than anything else right now, if she knows what's coming she might not feel as bad when it actually happens.

"Rach, what happened to you? This isn't where you are supposed to be, we both know that. You were bound for bigger things, for better things. You were going to be as successful as I am, it was obvious to everyone. So what happened?" Santana asks softly, "How did you end up here?"

Rachel can't help it, Santana sounds honestly concerned about her, something no one has been for what feels like a very long time and it feels like someone has just plunged a dagger through her heart. The Latina's words bring back all the hopes and dreams she had been suppressing for so long, all the expectations of friends and family and the reality of her current situation. She breaks down sobbing, crying harder than she has since the death of her parents only a few years ago.

A few moments later a warm pair of arms wrap around Rachel and Santana pulls the diva against her body, holding her as she shakes with each sob and gently stroking the diva's hair.

"I've got you Rach. Everything's going to be fine. I've got you."

Eventually the diva's breathing evens out and she falls asleep feeling relatively safe for the first time in years.


	4. Chapter 4

Rachel is woken the next morning by a repeated banging on her door and the voice of the building superintendent threatening to use his master key if she didn't open the door and pay her rent. Rachel ignores him, she doesn't have the money he wants anyway even with the four hundred dollars and other tips from last night, so she's going to end up on the sidewalk but she isn't going to make it easy for him.

She had forgotten that Santana had been in her apartment last night and she hadn't even realized that she was still safely wrapped up in the Latina's arms until they finally let her go, pulling the blankets on the bed up over her naked body. Rachel lies still hoping that Santana doesn't realize she's awake.

"Fuck Rach, how do you manage to sleep through that?" the Latina asks mainly to herself.

Rachel feels the bed shift as the Latina stands up, cloth rustling and heels clicking on the floor as she makes her way over to the door and throws it open.

"Who the fuck are you?" the superintendent demands.

"None of your fucking business." Santana says, "How much?"

"That fucking whore owes me two thousand dollars."

Rachel can't help but cringe, she hadn't realized it had gotten so bad but she's been living hand to mouth for so long recently it's a wonder she still has power and water in her apartment. Ironically this asshole has to be one of the better superintendents because she's pretty sure most would have thrown her out on her ass already. There's a pause as she hears Santana taking a few steps back into the apartment and she can almost feel the gaze of the slimy caretaker on her body.

"She asleep or what?" he asks apparently curious.

Rachel is pretty sure Santana has just spun on her heel and then rapid footsteps cross the room again until she thinks the Latina is standing between her and the door. When Santana speaks, Rachel's opinion is confirmed.

"Get your eyes off of her you creep. Here's your god damn money, now fuck off."

There's a sound of money being counted, of course the asshole would have to count it, and then a grunt.

"Fine. But if that bitch is even a day late again I'm kicking her ass out."

Rachel is pretty sure he's walking away at this point as she can hear his distinctive tread on the creaky floor boards, but Santana calls him back. She seems to walk out to meet him in the hall and then there's a thump, a grunt of anguish and a sound like a sack of potatoes hitting the ground. Rachel cracks an eye and sees the superintendent curled up on the floor with his hands between his legs and his eyes rolled up in pain.

"That's for calling my friend a whore and a bitch. She's worth a million times what you are so you can shut your fucking face." Santana gives him a kick in the stomach to go along with it, "And don't worry about the damn rent, she isn't going to be living in this shit hole for much longer if I can do anything about it."

Santana matches through the apartment door again and Rachel hastily shuts her eyes again. The door slams shut and Rachel hears the lock click before footsteps cross the room and Santana climbs back onto the bed behind Rachel, her arms going around the little diva's waist again. Rachel is astounded to hear the other girl start sniffing and feels the body pressed against her start to shake as the Latina cries for her friend.

* * *

She must have fallen asleep again because the next thing she knows she no longer has a body pressed against her back or arms wrapped around her waist. But the room is full of the smell of coffee and croissants and she can hear some very quiet noise from the television in the corner. She rolls over and sits up allowing the blankets that had been covering her to fall to her waist and spends a moment rubbing the sleep away from her eyes.

When she opens them again Santana's tan hand is offering her a Starbucks takeout cup full of hot coffee and some still warm croissants. Rachel slides herself up the bed until she's leaning against the headboard and accepts the food. Santana sits next to her and they both eat in silence occasionally glancing up to the television to have something other than each other to look at.

Breakfast, or rather lunch Rachel thinks as she notices the clock at the bottom of the television screen, over she drops the coffee cup and empty food wrapper onto the floor next to the bed with the intention of tidying them up later then folds her hands into her lap to wait for the questions she knows Santana will eventually ask. She isn't wrong.

"What happened Rachel?"

The diva shrugs, "It's a long story."

"I have all day." Santana replies with her usual stubbornness.

"How did you find out?" Rachel asks.

Santana looks at her for a while and seems to decide that if she's going to get her questions answered, she's going to have to answer some of Rachel's.

"Well I had some time on my hands here in New York and my friend Quinn, I think you might know her, told me about this show a friend of hers was in. So I figure I'll go and show a little support even if it is an off-off-Broadway show but imagine my surprise when I sit through what has to be the worst show in existence and I never saw the person I was there to support."

Santana breaks out her nail file and starts working on her nails, "So I figure maybe she's ill and her understudy had to step in, god she was awful enough that I'm surprised she got any role on the show, never mind the lead. But when I asked about you, the director didn't know your name and didn't recognise the photo of you I showed him, even if it was from a few years ago."

"So I started asking around, I mean with your kind of talent you should be pretty easy to track down, right? And I did find some people that remembered you from auditions a few years ago, but nothing recently. That's when I started to get worried."

"And you found me at the club how?"

"Private investigator." Santana says, "I don't know how she tracked you down, I never asked and knowing this particular person I'm pretty sure not all her methods are legal. But when I couldn't find you I called in some help and I didn't care what it took."

"Who else knows?"

"Quinn knows I couldn't find you and that I hired a private investigator. No one else knows anything yet." Santana answers. There's a pause then she asks "So what happened?"

Rachel sighs and rests her head back against the headboard and wonders if she should tell the Latina anything. Would Santana leave her alone if she told her nothing, would she get away with just part of the story or would it take her total humiliation to get rid of the Latina? In the end she decides she just doesn't care anymore, she'll tell the Santana everything because she's sure the other girl will just keep hounding her until she has it all anyway and this way she'll be left alone faster.

"My fathers died, that's when everything started to fuck up. About three years ago now in my second year at NYADA. It was a car crash. Dad died almost instantly, Daddy hung on a little but not for long enough for me to make it back to Lima to see him before he died too." Rachel breaks off because she's never actually talked to anyone about this before and those few words were harder to say than anything she had to do at the club.

"I heard" Santana says pulling one of the little diva's hands into her own, "I was on a tour so I couldn't get back but I sent flowers."

"I know, I saw them. Thank you."

"So what happened?" Santana asked when Rachel didn't immediately continue.

"My fathers' insurance covered their funerals, just. But the State of Ohio decided that I couldn't be the child of two men even if I had been legally adopted by both of them. They decided only the first man on the papers would be considered my parent and that was my Dad. When he died instantly his will left everything to Daddy and then Daddy died and that's where the problems started. Even though he left a will, the state won't allow his assets to be released to me, everything is still stuck in probate with the time ticking away. My fathers' lawyer is working on the case pro-bono in his spare time since he felt bad for me, but I haven't seen a cent yet."

Rachel pauses for a moment looking for a tissue to blow her nose with but only coming up with an empty box. Santana pulls a travel pack of tissues out of her purse and offers them to the diva who then blows her nose loudly.

"I dropped out of NYADA since I couldn't afford the tuition anymore and I needed to work anyway if I was to eat and keep my apartment. I got a job in a diner which was okay except for the meat, but it allowed me to work mornings and evenings and still go for auditions in the afternoon. That's when most of them happen you see."

Santana nods when Rachel pauses, "That worked for a while except that I wasn't offered any roles, I guess I was missing my fathers so much that it affected my performance. But then the anniversary of the accident came around and I just shut down. I didn't feel like doing anything, I couldn't do anything, I couldn't stop crying or even get out of bed except when I had to. It took me two or three weeks to actually pull myself back together again and when I finally went back to work I was told had been replaced and apparently the reason I hadn't been there didn't matter to them."

Rachel sniffs and wipes away the tears that had been flowing down her cheeks even though her voice had been steady throughout the explanation, "I literally begged them to give me another chance but they wouldn't. I tried to find another job but I couldn't even find anything at another diner. I realized I was going to lose the apartment so I managed to find somewhere cheaper, this place, and I sold pretty much everything that was worth anything so I could eat. And finally, just when I thought I was going to finally run out of money, I walked past the club and saw a recruitment sign outside."

She pauses to blow her nose again before continuing, "I thought I could work behind the bar or maybe waiting tables, but that wasn't what they were looking for. When they offered me a job I didn't really have a choice. If I said no I'd lose the apartment and have nothing to live on and I had no idea when I'd get another job. When you are only a day from losing everything you don't have much choice about what to do to earn money and I really didn't like the alternatives."

"But it's not enough is it?" Santana asks, "If the experience with your landlord is anything to go by."

"Sometimes it's okay, I get a basic pay but most of what I earn are made up of tips and things have been slow recently."

"Do you like working there?"

"I've worked there for two years now and I've hated every second." Rachel snaps angrily, wondering how anyone could even think it possible to enjoy the job she has to do, "I come home and scrub myself every night but I never feel clean, I'm lucky if I can keep a meal down on the days I work and I usually end up either crying myself to sleep or drinking myself into oblivion." She swings her arm gesturing to the empty bottles that cover many of the flat surfaces in the room. She slides back down in the bed and buries her face in her pillow, "How can you think anyone would like it?" she asks quietly.

She feels the bed move as Santana climbs to her feet and then the noise of footsteps crossing the room, "So that's it then?" Rachel asks bitterly, despair seeping into her tone even though she had thought she had prepared herself for this, "You've got the whole story now and now you're off to gloat, to let everyone know how low I've fallen?"


	5. Chapter 5

There's a moment of silence before Santana responds, "I'm going to ignore that comment because you are obviously not your normal self."

There is more movement, a scraping noise, a thump and the bed bounces as something lands upon it. Rachel opens her eyes just in time to see Santana opening the bright pink case that is about all she owns from her previous life.

"What are you doing?" Rachel asks as she pushes herself up on one elbow.

"Packing." Santana says with a roll of her eyes as if the answer was obvious.

Rachel huffs and falls back onto the bed, "Why? I don't have anywhere else to go Santana. This is it for me."

"You're coming with me." Santana says in a tone that brooks no argument.

"What?"

"You're coming with me. You'll move in to my apartment and go back to NYADA to finish your degree. I'll get you a lawyer that has a clue and get your parents stuff out of limbo and then you're going to end up on Broadway where you belong."

"I don't need your charity Santana." Rachel replies

"God damn it Rachel, will you look at where you are living and what you are doing for a job?!" Santana snaps back and Rachel can't help but cower a little as she recognizes the old Head Bitch Santana coming to the fore even if there was the glitter of unshed tears in her eyes, "If anyone needs charity right now it's you, wake up and smell the damn coffee."

Santana sighs and takes a few calming breaths, "Look, if our places were reversed would you leave me like this? I'm pretty sure the Rachel Berry I remember would be on my case every fucking day until I either agreed or she called Quinn to smack some sense into me and drag me out of this dump by my hair."

Rachel slams the case closed again, almost catching Santana's hand in the process as the Latina was dumping some clothes into it, but she manages to pull her hand back just in time. "Don't you think I should have some choice in my future?!" she demands.

"You haven't had a choice in years. You've been through hell Rach, you've survived more than most people would be able to and honestly that is impressive. You've done what you needed to do to survive, but that's all you've done, survive." Santana sighs again and rubs a hand over her eyes.

"You want a choice, well here it is. You can stay here in this dump, keep doing a job you hate and living hand to mouth until you are too old for scumbags to be willing to pay to watch you to strip and touch yourself and then what? Turning tricks on the street corner? Liver failure because of all this alcohol, or maybe starvation because you can't stop throwing up?"

"Or you can come with me and get your life back on track, get back to where you are supposed to be, get a job you actually love and the respect and recognition you actually deserve, collect that EGOT you wanted so badly back in high school and get back to living rather than just surviving." Santana drops to her knees next to the bed and pulls Rachel's hands into her own, "I just can't leave you here Rachel. I can't leave you just surviving like this so please let me help you. Please."

Rachel's head drops to her chest and her eyes fill with tears; "I didn't want this to happen" she finally managed.

"No one would Rach, but we can change things now if you'll come with me. I promise I'll help you get back on your feet and back to the life you are supposed to have." Santana says softly pulling the diva into a hug, "Will you come with me? Will you let me help you?"

All Rachel can do is nod against Santana's shoulder and the Latina breathes a sigh of relief, holding the diva for a few minutes before letting go and returning to packing.

"Okay, let's get you packed."

Santana buzzes around the room emptying drawers and the closet into first the pink suitcase then two other holdalls that a strange man brings to the door in response to a quick telephone call as Rachel sits on the bed and watches. Within ten minutes everything that Santana can find is packed and the three bags are sitting by the door, Santana standing next to them with her hand on the doorknob.

"Are you coming?" she asks.

"Umm Santana, you packed everything." Rachel says

"Yeah, and?"

"Well, I'm still kind of naked here." Rachel says gesturing to herself.

"Umm, yeah."

Santana had gotten so used to Rachel's apparent unashamed nakedness in the past few hours that in the rush to get everything packed and get the diva out of there and somewhere better for her health she had completely forgotten that she was sitting naked in her bed. She opens the pink suitcase and pulls out a sweatshirt, matching sweatpants and a pair of sneakers and tosses them onto the bed. She's still looking for underwear when Rachel speaks.

"Don't worry, these will do."

Santana glances up just in time to see Rachel standing beside the bed and pulling the sweat pants up over her hips before the top goes over her head and she steps into the sneakers. Santana closes the suitcase again and Rachel joins her by the door, making to pick up the holdalls.

"Hold on" Santana says before opening the door.

The man that brought the holdalls is still standing outside with his back to the door but he turns when it opens. He takes the holdalls at Santana's request and heads down stairs as the Latina hefts the suitcase.

"Ready?" she asks.

"What about the rest of this stuff?" Rachel asks.

"Is there anything you want to keep?" Santana asks looking a little dubious.

Rachel looks around the room and for the first time in a long time actually takes in where she has been living. There's a shabby chest of drawers, a battered closet, a television that was well past its best, the improvised bedside cabinet and her bed. There really isn't much worth keeping.

"I'll need a bed." She says.

"I've got beds Rach, better ones than that I promise."

Rachel takes one more look around the room and nods, "Let's go."

When they make it down stairs, Santana glaring at the building super as they passed him on the stairs, Rachel found the stranger that had taken the two holdalls from her room standing next to a black towncar with heavily tinted windows and looking around as if he was on guard. When he sees the girls step out of the building he immediately opens the rear door and takes the suitcase from Santana, closing the door behind them and depositing the suitcase into the truck with the holdalls before slipping into the driver's seat and smoothly pulling away from the curb.

Rachel watches out of the window and is surprised to find she doesn't feel anything at all as her old apartment building disappears behind them.

Rachel spends the drive across New York staring out of the window and wondering why she was trusting the other girl. In the diva's experience, Santana had never really done anything nice for her. Sure they had sort of become friends at the end of High School but even then the Latina had spent more time teasing her, calling her names and playing pranks on her than anything else. Though granted that covered Santana's behavior at the time to pretty much anyone that wasn't Brittany.

She glances across at the other girl who is also staring out of her window apparently deep in thought and Rachel can't help but wonder what is going on in the other girls head. Was she planning some massive prank? Dragging her out of her sorry excuse for a life, give her a little hope only to throw her back when it would be the most amusing for her? Rachel sighs quietly as she turns back to stare out of her window and decides she's just going to have to protect herself, to prepare herself for the worst.

Their journey ends in Manhattan, turning into the basement parking lot of a mid-size building that still towered over all the buildings around it. It was a modern building and looked purpose built what put it a little at odds with the rest of the neighborhood, but what caught Rachel's eye was the group of people with cameras that appeared to be hanging around outside the main door.

"Paparazzi" Santana said with a sneer as the car pulled in to the underground parking lot.

They climb out of the car and Rachel is surprised when Santana doesn't make to get the luggage from the trunk of the car, but instead they head across the garage and take an elevator up to the top floor of the building and Santana unlocks one of the apartment doors, leading them both inside.

"Who are they here for?" Rachel asks after a few moments of silence, just really for something to say.

"Me." Santana says as she crosses the living area to throw herself down on the sofa, "I've been staying under their radar for a while now and they are starting to get curious."

"You?!" Rachel can't help but blurting, the surprise evident in her voice.

"Thanks for the vote of confidence Berry." Santana says turning round to look at the diva who was still standing by the door, "I am a platinum selling recording artist you know. And are you going to stand there all night or what?"

Rachel crosses the room to perch on the front of the couch, "I'm sorry, I guess I forgot that some of us actually became successful."

There is regret in Rachel's tone that causes Santana's chest to ache, but she knows the regret is for the diva's own lack of success rather than having anything to do with Santana's success. There is a knock on the apartment door just as Santana is about to reply and the opening door relieves the driver with Rachel's luggage.

Santana takes the holdalls and nods towards the suitcase, "Grab that shortstack, it's time for the grand tour."

Rachel had already seen the living area and the kitchen and dining room that were just off of it. Santana leads her down a corridor and nods her head towards a closed door indicating it was her bedroom. The door opposite is opened to show a large, fully fitted bathroom then Santana drops the bags outside another door before stepping across the corridor to open another door.

"Music room." Santana says allowing Rachel to see the instruments and music books scattered around the room, "And it's soundproofed so if you want to sing anywhere other than the shower, this is the place."

Rachel nods and Santana opens the door she had placed the bags outside of, "This will be your room. Quinn usually uses it when she's here but she'll have to make do with one of the guest rooms on the other side of the apartment."

Rachel follows Santana into the room and her eyes widen as she looks around. The room is bigger than her old apartment, the massive bed that makes up the centerpiece of the room is definitely a lot better than the bed she had left behind. The chest of drawers, bedside tables, vanity, office desk and various chars scattered around the room all match the bed. A door on one side of the room leads into a walk in closet while another on the opposite wall reveals an en-suit bathroom. There is a large television mounted on one wall where it can be watched comfortably either from the bed or from the upholstered window seat and a sound system rests on top of the chest of drawers.

Santana had placed the holdalls on a chest that stood at the foot of the bed and watched as Rachel took in the room with wide eyes. "So" she asks for some reason a little nervously, "What do you think?"

"You want me to stay here?" Rachel asks in surprise.

"What, you think I'd make you sleep on the sofa?"

"It's just so… perfect."

"It's just a bedroom." Santana shrugs and turns to leave, "Make yourself at home."

"Could I…" Rachel blurts, "Um, it's just I haven't had a chance to soak in a tub for a while, I only had a shower at my apartment…"

Santana nods and leads Rachel out of the bedroom to show here were the towels were stored, passing her a couple of large fluffy towels and a just as fluffy robe in the process.

"Use whatever you want from the bathroom, most of my stuff is in my en-suite, but add anything you want to the shopping list in the kitchen."

Rachel nods and steps into the bathroom. Just as she's about to shut the door, Santana calls to her.

"And Rach, this is your home now. You don't need to ask to use the tub."

* * *

Santana was back on the sofa with her feet up a few minutes later when someone knocks on the door again. Recognizing the knock Santana shouts "Its open" and a moment later Quinn barrels in, dropping her bags by the door and throwing herself down on the sofa next to Santana.

"Okay so tell me everything you know. You said you found her so where is she? What's she doing? Why has she been lying to me? …"

Quinn continued the rapid fire questions until Santana actually managed to interrupt her, "Anyone one would think you had a thing for the midget" she observes with a smirk.

"You know I'm seeing someone in LA Santana" Quinn rolls her eyes at Santana suggestion, "I just need to know she's okay and I need to know why she didn't come to me for help when she needed it. I thought we were friends."

"And you still won't tell me who he is." Santana says, one eyebrow raised questioningly. When Quinn just shakes her head Santana sighs, "All you need to know about Berry right now is that she's safe and soaking in my tub."

Santana hadn't gotten the sentence fully out when Quinn had shot up from the sofa and dashed off to the bathroom that she knew contained the only tub in the apartment and when the Latina made it to the bathroom door she found a surprised looking and very naked Rachel half dragged out of the tub and being rocked back and forth slightly in the blondes arms as water slops all over the floor.


	6. Chapter 6

"Awww Q, you're all wet for me." Santana smirks as she looks the blonde up and down after Rachel manages to detach herself from Quinn with the promise of telling her everything once she's done with her bath, "Nice panties by the way."

Quinn glances down at herself and rolls her eyes. The water from Rachel's bath had soaked the front of her dress making it clingy and semi-transparent. "I'm seeing someone."

"And I don't believe he exists!" Santana shouts after the blonde as she grabs her luggage and heads towards one of the guest room to change.

"Oh she exists!" Quinn shouts back leaving Santana looking surprised.

Once the blonde returns from changing she sits down on the sofa alongside the Latina.

"So, she?" Santana says with a smirk, "I guess I really did a number on you at Shue's almost wedding."

Quinn can't help but swallow thickly at the memory but says nothing in response.

"Ah well, maybe I'll ring Britt and she'll bring me up to date. After all, she has to know since the two of you are sharing an apartment, right?"

"No!" Quinn snaps, "Why can't you just leave it along for once Santana? This isn't high school any more, we're just getting our feelings sorted out right now and we'll tell people when we're ready. And right now we aren't ready."

Santana eyes the blonde for a moment and she knows there is something Quinn isn't telling her, but she's right, this isn't high school anymore and if Quinn has found someone to make her happy…

The Latina sighs, "Okay fine. So how long are you staying?"

"I've got a week before I have to be back. I was going to blow them off and stay if I needed to but if she's safe now I should get back and finish the season."

"Ah yes, your glee club show." Santana nods, "You know you write that show, direct it and act in it, but I've never understood why you took the role of the pressed lemon head cheerleader with the hots for the diva rather than the lead role as the diva…?"

"I've told you before I don't have the vocal range to play Marley" Quinn says, "And I've also told you that Kitty and Marley are not gay!"

"Could have fooled me, it's like history repeating itself on the small screen." Santana observes, "And you'd make a lot of folk on tumblr very happy if they got together."

"What?"

"On tumblr they call them Karley you know, they've got a big following that would be ecstatic if…"

"No" Quinn interrupts, "The other thing."

"It's like history repeating itself?" Santana asks. Quinn nods and Santana laughs, "Oh come on, everyone knew you had a thing for Berry in High School. You were kind of obvious Q."

"You knew?" Quinn asks with surprise.

Santana rolls her eyes, "Everyone knew Q. Well except Berry and Finnept. There was a couple of times I thought you were going to jump her right in the choir room."

"Why did no one say anything?"

"What, and do to you what Finn did to me? After that little charade no one, especially me, wanted a repeat performance. We left you to get your shit together yourself, which sadly you did not do." Santana watches as Quinn plays with her hands in her lap, "Do you still have feelings for her?"

Quinn shakes her head, "No, I really have fallen for someone else. I know the difference now between real love and the infatuation I had for Rachel."

"I figured that's why you flew across the country. That you were still in love with her." Santana says watching the other girl closely.

"She's my friend and I thought I knew what was going on in her life." Quinn shakes her head again, "When you told me it was all lies I… I don't know, I guess I panicked and imagined the worst. I might not be in love with her San but I still love her and I wanted to know she was safe. And I guess I want to know why she needed to lie, why she felt that she couldn't ask me for help when she needed it."

"At first I was numb, I couldn't ask anyone for help."

Rachel's voice causes both Santana and Quinn to jump and turn towards where the diva was standing wrapped in a white fluffy robe at the end of the corridor to the bedrooms.

"And then I didn't want anyone to know I was a failure or weak." Rachel says as she looks down at her feet, her hands thrust deep into her robe pockets, "Because I was both. I spent my high school years telling everyone about my dreams, that I'd end up on Broadway like my idols, that I would win all those awards." She sniffs and wipes her nose on the robe sleeve, "And I didn't even make it to the end of the second year of NYADA".

Quinn was on her feet and had pulled Rachel over to sit with them on the sofa in seconds and then Rachel tells her story again, this time to the blonde. When she's done both Santana and Quinn have tears in their eyes.

"You're not a failure Rachel" Quinn says, "Santana's right, you've survived a lot more than many people could have. And asking for help when you need it isn't a sign of weakness either." Quinn sniffs and wipes her eyes, "I wish you had asked me back then, but I'm going to do whatever I can to help you even though I'm in LA."

"You were still in university yourself Quinn. You couldn't have helped me pay for mine."

"But I could have done something to help you Rach. I would have done anything I could if you'd asked."

"It wouldn't have made any difference." Rachel says slipping out of Quinn's grasp and standing, "I should get dressed." She says before heading back to her room.

Once the door to her bedroom has closed behind the diva Quinn turns to Santana, "She's so broken San…"

"I know, I don't think she even realizes how broken she is." Santana nods sadly, "But we'll do everything we can to fix her Q."

Quinn allows a silence to fall between them for a few moments before she continues, "She can't help you like you hoped San, not in that condition." She shakes her head, "It wouldn't be fair to put that pressure on her."

"I know Q, I know." Santana sighs rubbing her eyes slowly, "But maybe just having her here will help."

"And you can't just drop her because she can't help you. That would be worse…"

"God damn it Q! You honestly think I'd do that to her?!" Santana snapped, "You didn't see her in that club Q. It was… it was heart breaking."

"Was it that bad?"

"You remember when she performed in Glee club, how she seemed to radiate energy, she seemed so alive? How you could always tell she loved what she was doing?" Santana asks "How you could see it in her eyes?"

Quinn just nods her head rather surprised at how Santana was describing Rachel's performances, the blonde had always been pretty sure that Santana paid the diva very little attention never mind enough to be able to tell what her eyes looked like when she was doing the thing she loved the most.

"When she stepped out on that stage she looked…" Santana pauses searching for the right word, "empty… dead is all I can describe it. There was no passion, no energy and when you looked at her eyes they were just empty, void." Santana leans forward on the sofa and its only when her head drops into her hands does she realizes she's been crying again.

Quinn slides over the sofa to take the Latina's hand in her own, "Britt and I will move to New York you know, if you want us to, if you need us to." She offers.

Santana shakes her head, "No Q, you've both done so much, you both came when I needed you and I can't thank you enough for that. But you both have your careers to think of and you have your new beau."

* * *

When Rachel returns from changing into a pair of jeans and a hoodie, both pale imitations of how the garments used to look, Santana and Quinn very quickly pick up on the fact that the diva seems unsettled. She sits on the edge of the sofa like she had when she originally arrived in the apartment, not relaxing back into the deep comfortable cushions, and kept glancing from the clock on one wall to the apartment door while playing with her fingers in her lap.

Ironically her behavior reminded Santana a lot of high school Rachel when she was about to say something she knew the people hearing it wouldn't like.

"Spit it out Tiny" Santana finally says when it appears Rachel isn't going to volunteer anything.

"It's just…" Rachel starts a little hesitantly, "If I wanted to get to the club in time for my shift…"

"You don't have a shift at that club any more Rachel" Santana says, "I thought we were clear that you weren't going back there."

"But I have no other source of income Santana!"

Santana sighs, "If you want a job that badly I'm sure we can find you something to do at my record company or somewhere else in the city." Santana levels her gaze on the diva, "But don't think that gets you out of finishing your degree and there is no way in hell you are going back to that club. Clear?"

"Crystal" Rachel says a little coldly but both Quinn and Santana notes that she immediately relaxes back into the sofa and doesn't really look that upset.

"And anyway, you don't need a source of income." Santana adds, "I told you I'd take care of you didn't I?"

"I just don't want to be a burden." Rachel replies quietly.

"You're not Rach" Santana says with a small smile, "You're definitely not."

* * *

They had spent the rest of the day watching movies and chatting. Well Quinn and Santana chatted; Rachel didn't really have much to add to the discussion given that she hadn't spent much time paying any attention to current events, the media or basically anything outside her own little bubble of hell.

Eventually they had all decided it was time to turn in and headed to their separate rooms. Santana had jumped into the shower for ten minutes before pulling on sleep shorts and t-shirt, crawling into bed and promptly failing to fall asleep. She's still awake half an hour later staring at the ceiling of her room when there is a quiet knock on her door.

"Come in."

The door opens and Rachel steps in before closing it quietly behind her. She takes a few steps into the room before hesitating.

"I couldn't sleep" she explains, "I was… um…"

When the diva falls silent Santana prompts her, "Want me to hold you again?" another nod and Santana pulls back one side of the comforter and pats the bed, "Come on then."

Rachel doesn't move towards the bed immediately, instead pushing off the fluffy white robe she was wearing until it slid down her back and caught in the crook of her elbows leaving her otherwise naked body exposed to Santana gaze.

"Don't you have anything to sleep in?" Santana asks quietly while averting her gaze and starting to make for her chest of drawers.

"I do but…" Rachel seems to steel herself with a deep breath, "I… I don't have any way to repay you so I thought you could…" she gestures to herself and drops her head to stare nervously at her feet, "you know… if you wanted to… you could…"

If the diva had been watching Santana she would have seen the look of pain the crossed the other girls features but instead all she could hear was her steps, faltering at first, crossing the room to where she stood and feel her presence getting closer. She braces herself for the advances she's sure to receive now from Santana but instead is surprised to find her robe getting pulled up and wrapped around her once more and the Latina pulling her into her arms.

"Rachel, if we ever end up being together like that I swear it will be because we both want it, not because you think you owe me anything."

Rachel glances up uncertainly to meet Santana's tear filled eyes.

"And I think tomorrow I'm going to get you an appointment with a therapist I know." Santana continues.

"I don't need a shrink!" Rachel replies almost immediately but really without conviction as her gaze drops to the floor once more.

"Rachel, look at me." Santana places a finger under Rachel's chin, forcing her head up. "The Rachel Berry I know wouldn't have offered herself in payment for anything. Please…" Santana swallows and takes a steadying breath, "please tell me you haven't made that offer before. Tell me you haven't…"

Rachel shakes her head slightly from side to side, "No" she says and Santana can see the honesty in the statement.

The Latina pulls the smaller girl into a hug, "Thank God." She says relieved, "But why did you, why tonight…?"

"Because…" Rachel starts, "because I… I… I don't know." She finally admits.

"Okay" Santana sighs, "I can't make you see the therapist Rach, you are an adult after all, but I really think it would be best if you went. Will you go please? For me?"

Rachel nods once and Santana gives her back a rub once before releasing the smaller girl from the hug, "You can still sleep in here if you want, and I mean just sleep, okay?"

Another nod from Rachel sends Santana back over to the dresser, pulling out some sleep shorts and a shirt she passes them to Rachel and turns her back allowing the other girl to change in some privacy before the both climb into bed. Rachel immediately curls into Santana's arms and falls asleep as the Latina slowly strokes her hair and prays that the little fragile diva isn't so broken that she can't be put back together again.


	7. Chapter 7

The bedroom door flies open so violently that it actually manages to crash against the wall and before it has even had a chance to rebound, Quinn has charged into the room.

"Santana! I can't find Rachel! She's not in her room and I've looked…" Quinn trails off as she sees the diva curled up and still sleeping in Santana's arms.

"Shut up Q" Santana hisses, "You'll wake her."

Quinn's eyes shift back and forth between the sleeping form of Rachel and the glaring form of Santana as if trying to work out the answer to a difficult math problem and then her eyes narrow and she fairly growls at Santana.

"We need to talk."

"Yeah, whatever." Santana says dismissively, "Later. And shut the door on your way out."

"Now!" demands Quinn.

Santana rolls her eyes but starts the complex process of getting out of bed without disturbing the diva that was sleeping in her arms and mostly on top of her at this point. She knows that tone from Quinn and she really doesn't want to deal with a pissed off blonde this early in the morning. There are a couple of times that Santana thinks Rachel is going to wake but after some swift soothing, both a hand rubbing her gently on the back and some soft words whispered in her ear, Santana has managed to extract herself from the other girl without walking her up.

She doesn't bother with a robe, Quinn has seen her in her sleep wear and less more often that Santana would care to remember, but after she closes her room door she stalks past the blonde without even glancing at her and heads straight for the kitchen. If they're going to do this, she's going to need coffee.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Quinn demands trailing along behind the Latina.

"Making coffee."

"You know what I mean!" Quinn declares.

"No I fucking don't. You barge in to my bedroom at some ridiculous time of the morning bitching about god knows what before I've even woken up and had some coffee. So you can shut your mouth and wait until my percolator is done or you can get the hell out of my apartment and go back to LA"

Quinn scowls at Santana but perches in one of the stools at the breakfast bar and watches silently as Santana makes her way around the kitchen. Santana, in turn, totally ignores the fact that Quinn exists for the moment and concentrates on making the coffee without burning herself or chopping off an extremity. Yeah she's really that bad in the morning.

Just to piss Quinn off even more she takes her time and makes herself some toast, even though she has no intention of eating it, before pouring her coffee and settling down at the other end of the other side of the breakfast bar from Quinn.

"Don't I get some coffee?"

"Help yourself." Santana suggests.

The Latina is fully aware that she'd only made enough coffee for herself and she can't help but grin when Quinn thumps the jug down in disgust.

"So what exactly did you wake me up for at god-awful early in the morning for?"

"What are you doing with Rachel?" the blonde demands.

"What does it look like?"

"It looks like you're taking advantage of her, that's what!" Quinn says angrily, "I find her in bed with you despite the fact you said she had her own room. What are you doing Santana? Is this how you're making her pay for you helping her? Forcing her to sleep with you?"

The slap echoes through the room and Santana doesn't even realise she has moved or struck out until the sting begins in the palm of her hand. She does however react fast enough to step back to avoid Quinn's retaliation strike and manages to snag the other girls wrist in a tight grasp, slamming her hand down on the marble counter between them and watching Quinn wince at the contact.

The Latina glances down to find to her disgust that her coffee mug had been knocked over at some point and the spilled coffee was now being soaked up by her toast as well as dripping down onto the floor.

"You spilled my coffee!" she says

"What the hell was that for?!" Quinn demands at the same moment.

"For fuck sake Quinn, you do realise you just basically accused me of rape right?" Santana snaps, "You expect me to sit here and take that? You're lucky a slap is all you got!"

Quinn just glares at the Latina, "You've basically ensured that Rachel is totally dependent on you now Santana, she has no apartment or job of her own, everything she has fits into three bags, two of which belong to you. So I'm pretty sure she would agree to anything you ask her to do."

"Grow the fuck up Q." Santana demands, "You said it yourself, this isn't high school any more so don't think you can come into my home and accuse me of shit like that." Santana releases Quinn's hand and stabs her in the chest with a finger, "I'm not playing games and I have no intention of taking advantage of her. For your information Rachel came to me last night. The night before when we were over at her ex-apartment I held her until she cried herself to sleep and she wanted that again last night, to be held by someone that actually gives a damn about her and to feel safe. Might have something to do with the fact that she had to tell her story twice in less than twelve hours."

Santana takes a breath deliberately skipping the offer Rachel had made to her the previous night, not only to avoid giving Quinn the wrong idea, but because no one but her and Rachel and maybe Rachel's therapist needed to know about that, ever.

"So that's what happened, I held her till she fell asleep and then I held her while she slept. It was you that turned it into something it wasn't in that sick little mind of yours."

"I'm just trying to look out for her. I care about her and…"

"And what? You automatically think I'm going to take advantage of her? Nice to know you have such a high opinion of me." Santana eyes the mess on the breakfast bar before continuing, "Look, I don't particularly care what you do today but don't do it in this apartment. And if you're not ready by this evening to offer a grovelling apology for what you just accused me of, make sure you have a flight back to LA booked for the morning, because I don't want to see you again until you do."

"You can't just chuck me out!"

"My home, my rules. You don't like it then go find a fucking hotel." Santana turns to head back to the bedroom, "And clean up that mess you caused!"

"Where are you going?" Quinn demands.

"Back to bed, it's too damn early for this shit since you spilt my coffee and I don't want Rach to wake up alone."

Santana refrains from slamming the bedroom door even though she really wants to and leans back against it, the back of her head resting against the cool wood as she eyes the girl on her bed. Rachel has rolled over and curled up on her side of the bed and looks so small under the comforter but for the first time since Santana first saw the girl in the club a few days ago, she actually looks peaceful.

The cheerleader crosses to the bed and tries to climb back in without disturbing the diva but Rachel must have felt something for as soon as Santana is settled, she rolls over again and curls into the Latina's side, resting her head on Santana's shoulder. It seems to have been an automatic reaction because she gives no other indication to Santana that she's awake and when Santana is still smiling when she finally slips off to sleep.

* * *

It takes some time for Santana to realize why her bed feels cold and empty when she wakes a few hours later. A glance at her alarm clock tells her it's almost lunch time and for some reason she's slept a lot later than she normally does even with Quinn's interruption in the early morning so she assumes that Rachel has gotten up ages ago and is entertaining herself somewhere in the apartment, after all Santana seems to remember Rachel being a morning person back on the few occasions they had shared a room together at Glee competition trips.

At least the diva didn't wake her up by singing.

But Santana's conclusion is proven wrong very shortly afterwards when the door to her en-suite opens and Rachel steps out wrapped only in a towel with damp hair and drops of water beading on her bare shoulders. She doesn't notice that Santana has woken since the Latina hasn't really moved since she woke and instead crosses to stare out of a small gap in the curtains over the window to the city outside as she uses another towel on her hair.

Santana can't help it as her eyes dip down the diva's body, she's seen the girl naked twice now, hell she's held her naked body close to her own overnight as the diva slept fitfully, and up until now she hasn't felt anything other than sadness and overwhelming need to take care of the girl. But now as her eyes take in the swell over Rachel's towel covered breasts, the curve of her hips, the shape of her just covered butt and those long, long legs and the Latina can't help but feel a spark of desire for the diva.

She mentally shakes herself. Rachel is too fragile and too reliant on her right now. Quinn was right on one thing, Rachel might feel she has to agree to whatever she suggests and the one thing Santana is not going to do is take advantage of the situation or of Rachel. So restraint is required, concentrate on getting the girl back on her feet and then… maybe…

"Penny for your thoughts." Santana offers making Rachel jump.

"I thought you were still asleep" Rachel explains when she collected herself again, "I hope you don't mind me using your shower, I was already in it before I realized it wasn't the one in my apartment."

"Your old apartment" Santana corrects automatically, "And its fine Rach, just as long as you don't set up camp in there or something."

Rachel offers Santana a small smile and a nod before returning her gaze to the scene outside the window.

"So?" Santana asks after a minute, "What are you thinking about so hard?"

"Last night." Rachel says as her cheeks turn pink with embarrassment.

"Look, you don't have to be embarrassed or worried about that Rachel" Santana says thinking about the offer Rachel had made the previous night, "I'm never going to tell anyone about it and it's in the past, as far as I'm concerned it's forgotten, okay?" Rachel nods and Santana adds, "You are still going to talk to the therapist, right?"

"If you think that's best."

Santana cocks her head and considers Rachel for a moment, "Normally I'd say it's up to you to decide what's best for you, but honestly I don't know if you can even do that right now. And yes, I do think it's for the best."

"Then I'll go." Rachel confirms. "So what's the plan for today?"

"What do you want to do?"

Rachel shakes her head, "The club has pretty much been my life for the last two years. I don't remember the last time I wasn't working or trying to forget about working…"

Santana is pretty sure that 'trying to forget' meant Rachel drinking herself into a stupor. How many times had the girl resorted to that to get away from the hell that was her life? And what sort of effect had it had on her body? Santana had seen that Rachel looked okay on the outside, but god know how much damage that much alcohol had done to her system.

"And now you don't know what to do with yourself given work isn't an issue any more?" Santana asks. Rachel nods and Santana smiles, "Well how about you get dressed while I take a quick shower and then we can go out for lunch?" Rachel looks a little pensive and Santana adds, "Unless you don't want to…"

"It's just… Is it wise for you to be seen with me by those paparazzi? If someone recognizes me…"

"No one will recognize you Rach" Santana assures the diva, "I barely recognized you with that mask on and I knew it was you. And anyway, I know a place we'll get some privacy, it's not like I like having them follow me around and snapping photos all the time."

A quick shower and a few phone calls later, Santana finds Rachel sitting in her room staring out of her window again. She's wearing the same worn jeans as the previous day and a different though equally worn hoody with what is, as far as Santana can tell, the NYADA logo on it. The Latina frowns at the sight and then mentally flips back over all the items of clothing she had packed for the diva in that ratty little apartment and came to an unsurprising conclusion. Everything Rachel owned was about as old and worn as the things she was currently wearing.

"So I'm thinking after lunch we can go shopping." Santana says, "What do you think?"


	8. Chapter 8

Santana decides she needs to give the paparazzi some face time or they will, as Santana put it, hang around like a bad fucking smell. So she gets off of the elevator at the lobby and Rachel continues down to the parking garage where she finds the same town car with the same driver from the day before. He smiles and greets her by name, calling her Miss Berry, while holding the door for her as she climbs in.

They pull out of the garage and park at the curb almost directly in front of the buildings doors. There is some interest in the car from the paparazzi, and Rachel is thankful for the heavy tinting of the windows, until the driver steps out and heads towards the building indicating someone is coming out to the car not going in from it.

Almost as soon as he reaches the door it pops open and Santana steps out accompanied by another uniformed man that Rachel assumes is a doorman or security guard. Either way he helps the driver push back the assembled crowd as Santana walks towards the car. She's wearing dark glasses now, necessary against the bright flashed of the camera trained on her, and a tight lipped expression but she doesn't duck her head or shy away from the cameras as she almost marches towards the car.

When she reaches the car, the two men shield her from the camera lenses as she climbs in and closes the door, the locks clunking shut almost immediately the door closes. Santana lets out a sigh of relief as she pulls off the sunglasses and looks over to Rachel with a smile.

"Hopefully that will keep them happy for a while."

Rachel can't help but be a little sad that Santana finds something so taxing that she herself had been looking forward to for as long as she could remember. Looking forward to up until three years ago anyway. And as they pull away from the curb, camera flashes still going off even though all they would be getting is black window, a thought occurs to Rachel.

"How am I supposed to get in and out of the apartment without being seen if the paparazzi are still there?" she asks, "I mean, I guess there are going to be some times this car won't be available."

"Oh you'll be able to come and go as you like as long as they don't link you with me." Santana says, "Which is why you went down to the car today. There are plenty of people that live in the building that aren't famous, just stinking rich. And the last time a pap tried to hassle someone that wasn't in the public eye, I suggested they have a restraining order taken out against him. He can't come within one hundred meters of the building which kind of screws up his attempts to get photos of me." Santana smiles and shrugs, "They know if they piss anyone else off they'll get the same thing, so they behave. Most of the time anyway. And there isn't that many there usually, I just haven't been seen out for a while and they are all wondering why."

Rachel had thought that Santana didn't want to be seen with her in case someone recognized her from her old job and caused a stink, a theory that she had understood and had accepted. But now she realizes that Santana had been trying to protect her and it only takes her a moment to work out why. Trying to go to university again or really do anything while linked to Santana and with paparazzi following her around? That wouldn't exactly be pleasant.

"You don't like them, do you? The paparazzi I mean." Rachel asks curiously.

"Who'd like them? They are a necessary evil I guess, but some of them take it too far and stick their lenses where they are definitely not wanted. I'd be happier without them to be honest but then I think most people feel the same way. I'd like to be able to go out and meet friends for a drink without having to take extraordinary measures to avoid photos being taken."

Rachel looks down at her tatty clothes suddenly realizing that she looks pretty much like a tramp next to Santana's expensive looking tailored outfit. "What if they see me today at lunch?"

"Don't worry, they won't. Not where we're going." Santana assures her, "And if you do decide you want to be seen with me, we'll make sure you look hot too." She adds with a smirk when she sees where Rachel is looking.

Rachel blushes, "It's my choice?" she asks a little surprise.

Santana smiles, "Of course it is Rach, did you think I didn't want to be seen with you? I just didn't want you to end up in the spotlight before you even realised the spotlight was there. So yes it's your choice, but don't rush in to it because there are plenty of downsides to be considered. And yes, I know you've been training for it all your life" Santana adds before Rachel can interrupt her, "but it's probably a lot different than you think it'll be. Take it from someone who has to deal with it on a daily basis." She reaches over and squeezes Rachel's knee, "We'll talk about it before you decide, okay?"

Rachel just nods.

They pull up outside a bank which confuses Rachel since she thought they had been heading directly to wherever they were going to have lunch.

"I've got a few things I need to take care of in here" Santana explains, "Do you want to come in or wait here?"

Rachel looks out of the car. There are a lot of people on the sidewalk and more walking into and out of the bank. She looks down at her clothes again and thinks about the discussion she had just had with Santana before she shakes her head. "I'll wait here."

The driver was already standing next to Santana's door and steps up beside her like a body guard as soon as she climbs out. He returns to the car a few minutes later, after Santana had successfully entered the building, and looking rather unhappy, but climbs into the driver's seat and settles in to wait without comment. About thirty minutes later Santana is escorted back to the car by a bank security guard, stopping on the way to sign an autograph for a young girl that apparently recognized her, and the car pulls away from the curb as soon as the door closes behind her.

* * *

Rachel isn't entirely sure where they are. It's some restaurant apparently, but she hadn't seen any more than the back door they had come in through, the corridor from there and this small room they were now sitting in. Precautions Santana had assured her were necessary to ensure an undisturbed meal. Apparently the paparazzi knew the singer loved this particular place and would drop by occasionally when they knew she was out to see if she's stopped by for something to eat.

The owner didn't seem to mind though, it was probably good publicity for his business, and he greeted them both warmly before leading them through to the small private room while talking animatedly to Santana in Spanish. Santana seemed relaxed and even laughed a few times which allowed Rachel to relax too. The Latina had ordered for them, after Rachel had confirmed that was okay, and now they were sitting sipping wine and waiting for their first course.

"I have something for you, a few things actually." Santana says suddenly. She pulls out a small book and passes it over to Rachel who notes that it has the logo of the bank they just left embossed on the front. "That's a savings account. There's enough money there to pay for and support you through the remainder of your degree with a little left over if you manage it right."

Rachel turns the small book over in her hands a few times but doesn't open it. She can suddenly feel her heart thumping in her chest and her mouth has gone very dry even as she blinks back the tears that have surprised her by trying to fall. Did Santana want rid of her already? She knew it had to be too good to be true of course and yes, she'd be better off if she took Santana's money, be able to finish her degree and maybe actually get a chance to perform, but she'd also be alone again and that though scared her much more than it should have.

"Do you… do you want me to leave?" she asks in a small voice.

"God no!" Santana blurts, "That's the total opposite of what I want Rach. I want you to stay, I need you to stay!" she pauses and takes a breath before she says the wrong thing, "But Quinn pointed out something that after some thought I agree with. She thought you might feel that you had to agree to anything I suggested because you didn't have anywhere else to go, that you'd feel trapped with me and I really don't want that." She taps the book Rachel is holding, "With that you can leave if you want to or feel you need to, you won't be trapped."

"But you could just take this back." Rachel observes.

Santana shakes her head, "It's in your name. Even if I took the book back you would still have the money in the bank and they certainly won't give it back to me."

Rachel considers the book again then tries to hand it back to Santana, "I can't take your money Santana, I'm sure you won't force me to do anything I object to."

"Then keep it for me." Santana says pushing it away from her, "That way I'll know if you stay it's because you want to, not because you have to." Santana can see Rachel isn't convinced so adds, "Look if you don't use it before you graduate then you can give it back to me then. Okay?"

Rachel nods reluctantly and slides the book into the pocket of her hoody.

"Good. Now along the same lines I have this." Santana slides a small prepaid credit card across the table, "There's a couple of thousand dollars on there right now and I'll top it up every month. If you need more, let me know."

"Santana!" Rachel starts, but the Latina interrupts her.

"I know what you're going to say Rach, so don't. If you don't have that how are you going to buy a metro card, buy books for school, go out with friends for lunch or pay for those day to day expenses that everyone has? You're going to need some money in your pocket Rach and this is the easiest way to deal with that for both of us. You don't need to be embarrassed about asking for cash and I don't need to worry if you have any. I promised I'd take care of you Rach and money is very much part of that. So just take it, okay?"

Reluctantly, the card joins the book in Rachel's hoodie pocket.

"And finally, these are yours." Santana produces a key ring with a number of keys, an electronic card and a large fob on it. "These two keys are for the apartment and the card opens the front door, gives you access to the gym and pool and will let you take the elevator up to our floor in the building. There are proximity sensors in the door handles, just wave the card near them, and a slot in the lift to run the card through."

"There's a gym and pool?" Rachel asked in surprise.

"Sure, there's even a personal trainer if you want. They charge enough for the apartment trust me, so they have to pull out all the stops."

At this point lunch arrived and Rachel was surprised.

"You ordered vegan food?" she asks.

Santana nods, "Well, you are still vegan. Aren't you?"

Rachel shakes her head sadly, "I haven't been since… well for some years."

Santana looks at her for a long moment before asking, "Do you want to talk about it?"

Rachel shakes her head a little, "Not now" she says quietly.

"Well dig in. Wait till you taste the soy ice cream they do here. It's to die for."

* * *

Santana surprises Rachel by taking her to what she would call a "normal" clothing store. She had expected someone like Santana to shop at the high end stores where you'd have to take out a mortgage to buy a pair of jeans, but apparently not.

"You shop here?" Rachel asks surprised.

"Not for everything but I get a good portion of my wardrobe here, for both day to day and tours." She notes Rachel's expression of surprise, "Look, a lot of my fans are younger and you know what it means to them to be able to wear the same clothes as me? Not cheap copies but the exact same thing?" Rachel nods and Santana smiles, "But anyway look."

She points at something and Rachel follows her gesture, eyes finally focusing on a floor to ceiling picture of Santana. In underwear. In very small underwear. She's wearing a sheer dressing gown of some type over it, but that doesn't stop the overall effect from being intoxicating causing Rachel to actually have to drag her eyes away from the picture.

Santana was smirking at her when Rachel looks back at the singer, "Yeah, a lot of people have that reaction." She leans towards Rachel and whispers, "But I don't buy my lingerie here. Don't tell anyone, but I'm more of a Victoria's Secret girl myself."

Rachel is pretty sure her face is on fire.

"Miss Lopez!" someone calls hurrying towards them, "I'm so sorry. Security called me as soon as you arrived, I wasn't aware you were coming in today or I'd have been ready for you."

Santana smiles at the girl, a genuine smile not the fake one she sometimes uses for fans or the paparazzi, and holds out her arms for a hug, "Maria, it's good to see you again. And it's not a problem; it's an unscheduled visit today. Can you fit us in?"

"Absolutely Miss Lopez, I have all afternoon available if you need me."

Santana rolls her eyes, "And what have I told you about calling me Santana?"

Maria shakes her head, "My boss would fire me if he heard me do that, he's very strict like that."

"If he fires you, give me a call and he'll be fired. I won't have him treating my favorite personal shopper like that."

Maria nods and glances at Rachel, which Santana notices.

"Maria, this is my best friend Rachel Berry. Rachel this is Maria, the best personal shopper in this city."

"It's nice to meet you Miss Berry." Maria offers.

"You too" Rachel replies.

"During her travels of the last few years, Rachel's wardrobe has suffered quite substantially though loss, damage and wear. She's going to need a whole new day and evening wardrobe, can you help her with that?"

Rachel is pretty sure she can see dollar signs light up the personal shopper's eyes and the next thing she knows she's being spirited away, with Santana following close behind, to have every inch of her measured.


	9. Chapter 9

"I really don't know when you expect me to wear anything like this!" Rachel declares from the changing room.

They had left the previous store and at Santana's insistence headed over to Victoria's Secret where Santana was again greeted by a very enthusiastic personal shopper, one that Santana treated very coolly. Apparently not someone Santana liked very much. But the experience for Rachel was pretty much the same as the previous store. Santana introduced her as her best friend, told them what Rachel needed and the diva was whisked away to be measured.

And that's when things started going wrong, because the lingerie that was delivered was, well insubstantial. Yes it was nice but it was just too fancy and, in Rachel's mind, not really suitable for day to day wear. She's currently trying on a bra and panties set that would probably look fine on Santana, but just looked stupid in her.

"I mean look" she says pulling the changing room curtain to the side so Santana could see, "This just looks stupid on me."

Santana would beg to differ. She's been leaning against the wall opposite the changing room casually filing her nails and had of course looked up when the curtain had been pulled back.

And had forgotten how to breathe.

She had seen Rachel naked of course, more often in the last few days then during the whole career together at High School, but sometimes seeing less was a whole lot more and that certainly applied in this case. She was wearing red panties that were about half the size of the items Santana could remember packing when they left her old apartment and a matching bra that seemed to fit like a glove with black patent high heels finishing the outfit. Rachel had fallen in love with them at the previous store and more or less begged to keep them on. Santana had just been happy to see the diva passionate about something again, even it if was just a pair of shoes.

The result pretty much blew Santana's mind.

She hadn't even managed to say anything by the time Rachel is done glaring and has pulled the curtain shut again. She swallows thickly and her eyes drop to her nails and the now motionless nail file pressed against one of them. A deep breath and she can speak again.

"You don't look stupid Rach, you look good." She manages, "And look at it this way, sometime in the future you're going to meet some guy and bring him back home and be happy you have something like that to wear."

"Or girl."

Santana's eyes shoot back up to still closed curtain, "What?"

The curtain is pulled back a little again but this time only Rachel's head pops out, "What?" she asks confused.

"I thought you said 'or girl'?"

"Yes. I'm bisexual, I thought you knew." Rachel says pulling her head back into the changing room. She closes her eyes and swallows as she realises she has just 'came out' to Santana and that might changing everything. "Is-is that a problem?"

"No, of course not" came Santana's instant reply, allowing Rachel to breathe a sigh of relief, "I'm gay after all so why would it be a problem?"

"I just wasn't sure. Are you and Britt…?"

"No" Santana cuts off Rachel, "and I don't want to talk about private stuff when we're out in public Rach, so please don't ask any more on that subject."

Rachel nods then adds "Okay" when she realizes Santana can't see her. The last time Rachel had heard anything about Britt and Santana was the summer after her first year at NYADA. She had gone home for the summer and had bumped in to them both there and had been happy to find out they had made the long distance thing work when Britt had to stay at High School for another year.

And then Britt had gotten in to Julliard, more suitable for her as a dancer than NYADA, and they had been looking forward to going to the city together. Britt studying while Santana worked on her first album. She hadn't heard anything since then and she had been wondering what had happened to the pair since she had arrived at Santana's apartment and had discovered that the girl was obviously living alone. Maybe she could find out later when they were home.

Home. A few days ago that meant a hole in the wall apartment in one of the nastier neighborhoods in the city where she'd go to scrub herself raw then drink herself into oblivion. But now the first image she saw in her mind when she thought about home was Santana… and that was just weird.

She turns towards the pile of things to try on and picks up the next outfit with a scowl.

* * *

In the end they compromised mainly because Rachel pointed out that while Santana was paying (they had had that argument back at the previous store) she actually had to wear them and she'd like some items that she would feel comfortable in. So she ended up with a large selection of what Santana called "sexy stuff" that Rachel could tolerate and a just as large selection of underwear, sleepwear and swimwear that she would feel comfortable in. Including a number of pairs of pyjama's in different colors with gold stars on them that Santana had victoriously produced after she ventured into the store on her own.

When Rachel had seen the total on the till she had actually gasped. Santana hadn't blinked.

As with the clothes store, they had left Victoria's Secret empty handed. When Rachel had asked about this, Santana had explained that everything would be delivered to her apartment before the end of the day. Apparently it was part of the service and avoided them having to battle through crowds, read paparazzi Rachel thought, with lots of bags.

The next stop surprised Rachel since it was at an Apple store, not the big glass cube on Fifth Avenue but one of the smaller stores where Santana explained she'd be less conspicuous. Santana insisted on buying Rachel a Mac Pro, iPad and iPhone complete with accessories even though Rachel pointed out she had no used for them. She hadn't needed them in the past few years so why would she need them now?

Santana answered that question succinctly, "You'll need something to do your collage work on, iPads are fun and Quinn will want your mobile number before she goes home. End of argument."

Rachel had been a little shocked at that.

For the first time in years, Rachel left the store with a working mobile phone in her pocket as she had cancelled her service pretty quickly after things had started going wrong as an expense she just didn't need. She's looking at the phone as she steps out of the store but looks up to see Santana stopped and signing an autograph for a fan that had apparently recognized her, the smile on her face as genuine as when she smiled at Rachel.

Rachel raises the phone and takes a picture of Santana smiling at the little girl and sets it has her phone background.

After looking around for a moment to make sure no one was paying attention to her, she walks around the back of the town car and climbs in, receiving a nod from the driver who was keeping an eye on Santana from his position by the driver's door. A few moments later the other door opens and the Latina climbs in and almost as soon as the door closes, they are pulling out into traffic.

"I love my fans, but sometimes it's just a little inconvenient. Luckily no one knows where we're going now, so even if there were paparazzi there, they won't be able to follow us."

"Where are we going?" Rachel asks.

"That's a good point, I don't actually know." Santana says, "Is there somewhere you want to go? Something you need we haven't already covered?"

Rachel shakes her head, there's nothing that springs to mind right now but even if there was she wasn't about to let Santana add to the small fortune she'd spent on the diva today.

"So home then please James" Santana says and the driver turns at the next junction.

* * *

The paparazzi had thinned out a little when they arrived back at the apartment block but they still took the car down to the basement garage and an elevator up to the apartment. The living area wasn't packed with bags as Rachel had been expecting, but Quinn was sitting on the sofa staring blankly at the television that was tuned to a news channel. She stood as soon as they arrived and nervously smoothed the front of her sundress with her hands.

"I put all the bags in your room Rachel" she offers with a small smile, "I hope that's okay, the delivery people said they were all for you."

"Thank you Quinn, that was very kind of you." Rachel replies and both of the other girls blink because, just for a moment, Rachel sounded a lot like her old self.

Quinn's attention turns to Santana, "Can we talk?"

There is a pause as Santana eyes the blonde then a nod, "Music room" she says and they both head off that way leaving a confused Rachel behind.

When they reach the music room, Santana drops down onto one of the stools and kicks another over to Quinn who was still standing a little enviously by the door.

"I'm sorry." The blonde says.

After a few moments Santana asks, "Is that it?"

"No, but that's the most important bit. I am sorry, truly sorry. I shouldn't have accused you like that or of that. I didn't mean to accuse you of something like that." Quinn looks down at her hands that are resting in her lap, "I'm just worried about her San and it would be so easy for anyone to take advantage of her. Not you" she quickly adds, "I realize now you wouldn't do that. But you and I both know there are plenty of people in our businesses that would, so I got defensive and yeah, I jumped to the wrong conclusion and I am sorry for that." She frowns and adds quietly, "I know were not in High School any more but I guess some of us have grown up more than others."

Santana watches Quinn for a long moment then nods, "Okay Q, apology accepted, but remember this. What you said really hurt. Even back in High School every person I fucked had a choice to say no, I never forced myself on anyone, ever. And I'm not about to start. Just keep that in mind the next time you jump to conclusions."

Quinn nods and Santana sighs. "But I have to admit there was some truth in what you said, the whole trapped thing. I thought about it and I can see what you mean so I took care of it. I opened a savings account for her today with enough cash to cover her schooling and living expenses for a couple of years, enough so she can finish school. So she can leave if she needs to and if she stays it'll be because she wants to, not because she has to."

"That was very thoughtful of you San, I'm sure Rachel will appreciate it."

Santana chuckles, "Rachel tried to give it back to me right away, you know what she's like. She doesn't want charity even though she needs it."

Quinn just nods and rises to head to the door as Santana picks up and strums one of the many guitars that are scattered around the room.

"Quinn" Santana's voice stops the blonde in her tracks, "Don't hurt Britt or I'll have to hurt you."

"What?"

"I know you're dating Britt Q, it took me a while to work it out but was kind of obvious when I thought about it."

"Is that a problem?" Quinn asks uncertainly.

"Britt and I are in the past, but she's still one of my best friends and so are you. Don't make me choose."

As Quinn closes the door behind her Santana starts quietly playing and singing one of her own older but unpublished compositions. A song about lost love and heartbreak.

* * *

"Quinn?"

Rachel's voice calls out to the blonde as she heads from the music room back to the living area. She stops as Rachel's door and watches the diva slowly working her way through the amazing number of bags that had been delivered for her.

"Need a hand?" she offers.

"No I'm good thanks. I was just wondering if you were okay."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm not a fool Quinn, I may not have seen you or Santana in a few years but I know when something is going on and you were out today before we got up and the tension when we got back was rather evident. So are you and Santana okay?"

Quinn watches as Rachel folds the top she has just pulled out of a bag and places it on the top of a pile of similar items, "We had a little bit of an argument, but we're okay now."

"No slapping?" Rachel asks.

Quinn can't help but chuckle, "Let's say I realized I deserved it this time."

Rachel nods, "Can I ask you something about Santana?"

"Sure."

"Do you know what happened between her and Britt?"

Quinn considers her answer carefully but decides to err on the side of caution, "You'd really have to ask her that I'm afraid, it's not really my place to say. But I wouldn't ask right now, she's just had some news which had brought back some of the memories."

"What news?" Rachel asks curiously, "If you can tell me I mean."

"I'm dating Britt."


	10. Chapter 10

The argument was epic, Santana really had no other word for it, but that was to be expected given the participants were the two most dramatic people she had ever known in her life. It had ended up so loud that the people in the apartment immediately below them had called the front desk to complain, who had then apologetically called Santana's mobile after getting no response to the landline installed in the apartment.

That was the moment Santana had opened the music room's soundproof door to be greeted by what could only be described as a wall of noise. She found the source of the noise easily enough, walking down the corridor to stand in the door to what she now considered to be Rachel's room. Inside Quinn and Rachel was having as close to a knock-down drag-out fight as two people could have that weren't actually hitting each other.

Add whatever the pair were fighting about to the shoes as something else that Santana has seen Rachel passionate about.

And to be honest, Santana isn't exactly sure what the two are fighting about because all the scraps of words she can make out don't actually make that much sense. Obviously the subject of the argument had been decided and logical discourse had been exhausted well before the argument had gotten this far. Santana figures the only reason the argument is actually still happening is because Rachel wasn't about to storm out of her own room and Quinn was so damn stubborn that she had to get the last word in. Something Rachel was obviously not about to let happen.

The Latina takes advantage of a break in the argument that is apparently to allow both girls to catch their breath, to shut them up.

"What the fuck is going on here?!" she demands.

Rachel recovers first, "We were just having a discussion on a topic we are both rather passionate about and…"

"A discussion?" Santana interrupts, "You do realize I'll have to go downstairs in a few minutes to apologize to the people who live below us because the pair of you caused so much noise they actually complained to the front desk? These walls aren't made out of paper here people. I don't remember the last time I've heard any noise that wasn't generated inside this apartment. So what the hell were you two arguing so loudly about?"

Both woman stand eying each other with their arms crossed over their chests, Rachel's foot actually tapping on the floor, until Santana sighs, "Fine. Quinn, what are you arguing about?"

"Rachel seems to have a problem with the fact I'd dating Britt." Quinn offers in a flat tone.

"It's just…" Rachel begins only to be cut off by Santana.

"Stop Rach!"

Surprisingly Rachel does stop and Santana looks at Quinn, indicating with a jerk of her head towards the door that she should go anywhere but here. Once Quinn has gone, Santana takes Rachel's hand and guides her over until they can both sit on the edge of the bed.

"Why has Quinn dating Britt gotten you so wound up Rach?" she asks softly.

When Rachel doesn't reply but only stares at the floor near her feet, Santana slides a finger under her chin and encourages the diva to look her in the eye. "Talk to me Rach, please."

"Quinn's your friend and Britt's your ex. They shouldn't be dating each other, it's disrespectful."

Santana can't help but sigh, she knows Rachel's heart is in the right place but this really isn't a fight she should be having. "Rach, do you know what was most important to me when it comes to Britt?"

Rachel seems to think about it for a moment and then shrugs, "I don't know."

"That she's happy. And yeah, before you point it out I know there were plenty of times with me at high school that she wasn't happy and probably even more that you don't know about since then. But if she's honestly happy with Quinn then I'm happy for both of them. And despite what you may think, neither of them would do anything intentionally to hurt me because your right, first are foremost the three of us are friends."

"So you're okay with it?" Rachel asks uncertainly.

"I am" Santana confirms, "Who do you think suggested Britt ask if she could stay with Q when she moved to LA? Granted I never thought they'd get together but I think I can pull off taking the credit for it."

Rachel just shrugs, not otherwise acknowledging Santana's joke.

"Now how about you go and make up with Quinn, and if she gives you any trouble come get me before the shouting starts. I'll be in the music room. Okay?"

* * *

Rachel finds Quinn siting on a sofa in the living room, nose buried in a novel. She shuffles into the room to stand a little bit away from the sofas.

"I'm sorry Quinn, I was wrong."

Quinn looks up then stands, discarding her book for the moment before striding over to the other girl and pulling the diva into her arms. "It's okay. You meant well."

And that's all it took.

* * *

Santana went looking for Rachel the next day when it was approaching lunch time and the diva still hadn't made an appearance and found her still in her still in her gold star pajamas, standing in her room and staring at the contents of her walk-in closet.

"Is something wrong Rach?"

"It's stupid." Rachel says shyly while ducking her head.

"Rach, I think we're beyond judging each other right now." Santana says kindly, "Tell me what's wrong."

Rachel sighs dramatically and Santana has to suppress a smile, "I can't decide what to wear."

Santana crosses over to Rachel and looks into the closet which is already freakishly organized. If Santana had bought as many clothes for herself the previous day as she had for Rachel, they would probably all still be in their bags on the closet floor.

"Okay, well Quinn wants to have a picnic in Central Park for lunch, so how about I pick for you today so we can head out?"

Rachel nods and Santana steps into the closet. Quickly locating Rachel's underwear in the built in drawers, selecting the black versions of the panties and bra Rachel had shown off when they were in Victoria's Secret and passed them out to the diva while surveying the clothes hanging from the racks in the small room.

She eliminates the jeans immediately. Rachel had pretty much lived in jeans for the past three years as far as Santana could tell from when she packed Rachel's clothes. The only exception seemed to be when she was working, and in the Latina's opinion a change was well overdue. The same for any of the skirt outfits, too much like her work outfit, and that left dresses. So Santana picks a knee length sleeveless dress with a slightly flared skirt and matching jacket combo which would be pretty much perfect for today's weather. A moments searching finds a suitable pair of low wide-heeled ankle boots and a purse and leaves Santana marveling once again at how organized the diva was.

Maybe she could get Rachel to organize her closet?

When she steps out of the closet she wasn't exactly sure what she had been expected but it certainly wasn't Rachel already stripped out of her pajamas and wearing just the lingerie that Santana had handed her moments before. She wasn't wearing heels this time but the overall effect was pretty much the same as in Victoria's Secret but without the advantage of a curtain the could be pulled between them to avoid Santana making a fool of herself.

And the effect on Santana was pretty much the same too and once again she actually has to remind herself to breath. She can't help it as her eyes dip down traveling the length of Rachel's body and back up again and she cringes a little when the boots slip from her hands to crash onto the floor. Rachel doesn't seem to notice though as she takes the dress from Santana and steps into it before turning to ask the Latina to zip her up.

Santana hoped that Rachel didn't notice her hands shaking a little as she pulled up the zip.

They actually did make it to Central Park, avoiding the remaining few paparazzi by taking the town car from the garage, and spent a rather enjoyable day taking in the sights of the park with Quinn and without Santana embarrassing herself any further.

The next few days are spent pretty much the same way. Santana picking an outfit for Rachel before the three of them head out for whatever destination had been agreed on for the day. Quinn had never really lived in New York, the closest being New Haven when she was at Yale, and Rachel has spent the last few years going from work to home to the little park to work and so they were both excited to take in the sights and even managed to drag Santana along to a Broadway show or two.

Santana didn't accompany them to the airport when it was time for Quinn to return to LA though. There were usually too many photographers around which meant too much of a risk that Rachel would be linked with the singer and they hadn't had that discussion yet. So Quinn and Rachel took the town car together and waited in the concourse for the call for Quinn's flight.

Just after her flight is called, Quinn turns to Rachel, "Rach, Santana really wants to help you and its okay to let her, just remember…" she pauses and sighs, seemingly changing her mind about what she was going to day, "Just… If you need anything or need to get away from the city for a while, just give me or Britt a call. Okay?"

Rachel agrees, wondering what Quinn was going to say before she changed her mind but deciding that now isn't the time to pursue the topic, "I'll keep that in mind. And you'll text me when you get home?"

"I'll text as soon as I've gotten home" Quinn confirms, "And Britt and I will Skype soon."

Rachel waits until Quinn has disappeared through the gates and down one of the long corridors towards the planes before she turns and heads back to the town car and back to what she had only just started calling home.

* * *

The first appointment that Santana had been able to get with the therapist was a week and a half after she had called. The Latina hadn't exactly been happy with that but from what she could tell, she was lucky that someone had just cancelled their sessions. Still, she was by all accounts the best in the city for this kind of work and as far as Santana was concerned, only the best would do for Rachel.

There were certain advantages too. This particular practice was well versed in the needs of those that were either famous or just paranoid and that meant that Santana could easily accompany Rachel to her sessions without attracting any attention as they entered or exited the building. They even had a private waiting area which is where Santana is currently sitting waiting for Rachel's first hour session to be over.

Santana had come with the diva not to sit in on the session, what she talked about with the therapist was private and Santana had no desire to intrude on that, but in case she needed someone to lean on afterwards, either metaphorically or physically. Santana intended to be there for Rachel for as long as the diva wanted her.

And she knew she had been right to come as soon as the office door opened and Rachel stepped out followed closely by the therapist. The diva had obviously been crying recently, her eyes were still red and she was still sniffing a little, but she was nodding to the doctor and smiled a small smile when she sees Santana waiting for her.

"Everything alright Rach?" Santana asks looking at the diva a little worriedly.

It's the doctor that answers, "Please don't be distressed. It's quite usual for patients to have strong emotional reactions in the early stages of therapy. The best thing you can do is take her home and let her sleep if she wants to."

"Rach?"

"It's okay San, she's right. I just… I just need to sleep for a while."

Santana wastes no time in getting Rachel home and the diva immediately heads off to her room for a nap. Rachel doesn't resurface before Santana decides to call it a night herself so the Latina is a little surprised when she goes in to her room to find Rachel in her bed rather than her own.

"Rach?" she asks quietly, not wanting to wake the girl if she's asleep.

"I couldn't sleep. I hope you don't mind…"

"No, I don't mind Rach."

Santana changes quickly and after a quick visit to her en-suite she climbs in to the bed next to Rachel who quickly curls into her side. It only takes a moment for Santana to realize that Rachel is still crying.

"Rach, what's wrong?"

The diva is quiet for a moment, "It's only a week until…" she takes a breath, "Until the anniversary of the accident." She pauses and swallows even as Santana pulls her closer, "I didn't even realize until I was talking to the therapist."

When Rachel doesn't offer anything further Santana asks "Do you want to do something? We could have a meal, or maybe watch home videos or something?"

"I-I haven't been to see them since the funeral" Rachel finally manages, "but… but I don't think I can go alone."

"We can go together" Santana offers, "If you don't mind my company I mean."

"You'd do that?"

"Of course."

"I think I'd like that." Rachel says.

"I'll make the arrangements tomorrow."


	11. Chapter 11

The only request Rachel had when asked for her input on their visit to Lima was that they not stay in the town overnight, she didn't think she was ready for that quite yet. So when Santana went to make the arrangements the next day she sat down and thought about it very carefully before she picked up the phone.

They would fly in to Columbus the previous day where they would stay in a hotel overnight. The next day a hired town car with driver would take them the two hour drive to Lima where they would first stop at Santana's parents' home, if she didn't at least pop in to say hello when she was in town her parents would never hear the end of it, plus a homemade lunch would be nice. She didn't intend to mention to Rachel that her Papi might be able to help with one of Rachel's other problems until she had a chance to speak to him about it.

From there, they would head up to the cemetery where Rachel could take as much time as she needed with her fathers before they headed back to Columbus. Santana was hopeful that the visit would go smoothly, but even if it did she knew that the whole thing was going to be horrible taxing and very emotional for Rachel and she was totally prepared to turn round and come home again if the diva decided that was what she wanted.

Most of the arrangements were reasonably straight forward, and made in her personal assistants name rather than her own. But Santana gave booking a hotel room some considerable thought. She knew Rachel was bound to be very emotional after visiting the cemetery and experience had shown that the diva was very likely to turn up in Santana's bed after a day like that.

The problem was, Santana didn't want to assume that Rachel would want to sleep in the same bed as her so she didn't want to book just one room with a double bed. But if she booked two rooms, the diva might persuade herself that Santana didn't want to be bothered or might be too embarrassed to walk along the hotel corridor. Two adjoining rooms with an internal door might work, except the hotel she wanted to book didn't have any of them available.

So in the end she booked a room with two double beds. If Rachel wanted to sleep alone she could and but there would be plenty of room if she wanted to climb into bed with Santana. The added bonus was that the room was slightly larger than most other rooms and had a sofa in one corner that they could curl up on if they wanted to watch television.

When Santana tried to explain the arrangements to Rachel, the other girl just nodded.

The Latina watches Rachel heads off in the direction of her bedroom for a moment before picking up the phone to call her parents.

* * *

They had only just arrived at the hotel in Columbus and the day had already been pretty much a disaster. For some reason that not even a phone call to Santana's agent had clarified, so many paparazzi had been camped outside the building that morning that the driver almost had to drive through them to get out of the garage. Santana was pretty sure there were one or two flattened feet when they were done, and a rather large grin on her drivers face.

Thankfully when they got to the airport they found the first class lounge to be blessedly quiet which meant they could relax, which was lucky because apparently the pilot had apparently forgotten to show up. The airline representatives claimed a flight he was coming in on had been delayed but Santana was pretty sure he was still curled up in bed and laughing at everyone that was waiting for him.

So they waited hours for another pilot before then finally made it onto the plane only to find it had developed a fault that had to be addressed before they could take off. In the end it had already gone 11pm by the time they turned up at the hotel instead of the early afternoon arrival Santana had originally intended and both girls just wanted to collapse into bed. Santana was just happy she had thought to call the hotel to let them know they'd been delayed.

It took three attempts for Santana to get the damn card reader on the door to accept the plastic key card the receptionist had given her, she could never understand what was wrong with a good old fashioned metal key because in her experience the cards were more trouble than they were worth, but she finally got the door open before she was tempted to kick the damn thing down. She tipped the bellboy who had brought up their bags and headed straight for the en-suite before stripping off her dress and climbing into bed in just her underwear, slipping off her bra when she was safely under the covers. She had been just too tired to dig out her sleepwear tonight.

And now she was laying there with her eyes closed waiting for Rachel to decide where she was going to sleep, climb in to bed and turn off the light. She had heard the girl obviously visiting the en-suite and then some movement which Santana assumes was her changing to whatever she planned to sleep in, and then there was silence. Eventually Santana cracks an eyelid and finds the diva in her silk star spangled pajamas standing in the space between the two beds looking from one to the other with her lower lip trapped between her teeth.

Santana sighs quietly and pulls back the corner of her covers and gestures for Rachel to join her.

"But… but your almost naked" Rachel says, her face turning red.

"I'm wearing more than you the first time we slept together Berry" Santana says, "Just get in the damn bed. I needs to get my beauty sleep."

Rachel mutters something that sounds to Santana like 'no, you don't' but climbs in to the bed and turns off the last remaining light on the cabinet between the two beds. She doesn't curl into Santana's side as she normally did but instead keeps her distance on the other side of the bed from the Latina. She doesn't lie still however as she keeps turning and fidgeting every few moments and even though there is space between them, Santana can feel every movement.

"Rach, if you wanted to sleep alone you'd have climbed slept in the other bed. Quit fidgeting and get over here."

"But…"

"Yeah, yeah. I'm near enough naked. I won't get pissed if you cop a feel." Santana assures the other girl.

A few moments later Rachel curls into Santana's side, her arm over the Latina's waist and her head pillowed on Santana's shoulder. Santana then spends the next few hours trying to ignore the tingling everywhere Rachel presses against her and the feeling of the other girl's warm breath on her skin before finally dozing off to a dream filled sleep.

* * *

Rachel wasn't entirely sure if she was awake or asleep. It was a feeling she knew well ever since Santana had come back into her life, it was the feeling that would cause her to sit still and quiet in the bedroom she still didn't think of fully as her own in case a single movement caused her to wake up. It was the feeling that caused her to climb into bed with Santana some nights, clinging on to the other girl terrified she's wake up and find this was all a dream.

Terrified that she's wake up to find herself alone once more, back in her one room apartment with nothing to look forward and a job that she hated.

But this time the feeling was different and Rachel wasn't sure why. She was leaning towards this being a dream though. She was in a strange yet vaguely familiar bed in a strange yet familiar room but what really persuaded Rachel that this couldn't be real was Santana lying next to her and totally naked from the waist up.

And the fact she currently had a handful of one of Santana's breasts.

It was Rachel had to admit, quite an impressive handful even though she didn't exactly have large hands, despite how many times the very girl in bed with her had called her man-hands when they were still at high school. She lets her fingers slide over the soft skin and watches entranced as the other girl's nipple hardens under the stroke of her thumb. For some reason it didn't feel wrong to be touching the moaning girl this way.

She's just considering sliding her hand down over Santana's impressive abs and smooth stomach to explore under the comforter that covered her from the waist down and discover if the Latina was totally naked or not when Santana speaks.

"Rach?"

Rachel freezes, Santana's voice knocking her out of the half-asleep state that she had been hovering in for the last few minutes to wide awake and she's suddenly aware that she is touching the Latina in a very inappropriate way. She pulls her hand away from Santana's body as if she had been burnt and turns to attempt to scramble off of the bed, not sure where she was going but having to get away from the Latina.

Except Santana's arms have closed around her waist, or maybe they had been there all along and Rachel had just never noticed, and she wasn't about to let go.

"Oh no you don't."

"Let me go Santana!" Rachel demands as she struggles to break free of Santana's grip.

But Santana doesn't let go, instead pulling the struggling girl back until Rachel is suddenly very aware of Santana's naked breasts pressing against her back through only the thin silk of her pajamas.

"No" Santana says firmly, "I know you Rach. If I let you go you'll never sleep in my bed again and I like waking up with you damn it!"

Both girls freeze at exactly the same moment, Santana suddenly realizing she may have said too much in the heat of the moment and Rachel stunned by Santana's admission. Silence falls for a few breaths.

"You do?" Rachel asks in a small voice.

Santana pulls them both back until they are once again lying on the bed, this time with Rachel turned away from Santana but with the Latina's arms still wrapped around Rachel's waist. "I do" she confirms.

"Won't your girlfriend have a problem with that?"

"What girlfriend?" Santana says with a chuckle, "You've lived with me for weeks now, when have you seen me with anyone other than Quinn?"

Rachel shrugs, "I thought if you were seeing another performer, they might be on tour or something. There are all those photos of a redhead and you around the apartment."

It took a moment for Santana to realize who Rachel was talking about and her mood sobered, "That's Elle. Officially she was my personal assistant though most people considered her my handler since she was the one person that could reign in Snix. But to me she was my friend, the one person I could trust totally, the one person who would be honest with me even when I didn't want to hear honesty."

Santana sniffed once before continuing, "She was the one person that wasn't a yes-person, didn't want to be associated with me just for my fame and didn't want to change me to meet some corporate idea of what I should be. She was my friend, she was the sister I never had and I loved her."

It was the most Santana had ever talked about Elle since it had happened and it still hurt, it would still hurt for as long as Santana remembered the flame haired girl and the Latina hoped never to forget her, even if she had to suffer the pain every day for the rest of her life.

Rachel's first thought had been awe. She wanted to meet the girl that could tame Snix because not even Britt had managed to do that back in their high school days. She wanted to meet the girl that Santana talked about with such reverence and care, the girl that Santana had called her sister and proclaimed her love for so easily when Rachel knew how difficult it was for the Latina to let people get that close to her. And then the words Santana had spoken actually registered and Rachel's heart sunk. 'She was.'

The diva rolls over in Santana's arms until they are once more face to face and quietly asks "What happened?"

"She died." Santana is allowing tears to flow unashamedly down her cheeks and doesn't stop her when Rachel reaches up to wipe them away, "It… it…" she starts but even clamping her jaw shut can't stop the sobs from breaking free, "I can't… I can't"

"It's okay" Rachel reassures the Latina, for once pulling her into a hug instead of the other way around, "It's okay, I've got you."

* * *

They leave for Lima about an hour after breakfast both sitting quietly in the back of the rented town car staring out of their windows lost in the memories of those they had loved and lost. Even the driver seems to sense the mood as he hasn't said anything since he held the car doors open for them and his sat-nav system is silent as it displays the most efficient route.

About midway between Columbus and Lima, Rachel's hand reaches out to find Santana's where they rest on the seat between them, fingers linked together, for the remainder of the journey.

They arrive at the Lopez house well before noon even though they had been delayed in traffic leaving Columbus. Santana only releases Rachel's hand long enough for the pair of them to climb out of the car before they link their hands together again and the Latina leads Rachel up the path to the front door. It's always odd having to knock on the door to the house she had lived in for her formative years, especially since most doors opened automatically for her these days, but she had hardly rapped twice before the door was thrown open and she was pulled into the embrace of her mother.

"Santana! It has been so long! What have I told you about visiting more often?" Mrs Lopez gives Santana the once over, "Well at least you're eating properly now by the looks of it" she comments before turning to Rachel and pulling her into a hug as well, "And you must be Rachel, we've heard so much about you! Before and after Santana left for New York."

Rachel's pretty sure that Mrs Lopez just winked at her and that she wasn't supposed to know that Santana talked about her.

"Mami!" Santana says, "I was here only six months ago and I talk to you on Skype every week."

"Modern technology" Mrs Lopez says dismissively, "It's not as good as seeing someone face to face. But where are my manners, come in, come in." She ushers them into the house "I was just about start lunch. Rachel why don't you come and sit in the kitchen and tell me all about New York while Santana goes to speak to her Papi in his office."

Santana had of course warned her parents not to press Rachel about what she had been doing for the last few years, only telling them it had been a hard time for the girl and she didn't really want to talk about it, but Rachel could still talk for hours about New York just like she had when going there had been her dream and so Santana was pretty sure the topic would be safe for the diva. She took the hint and went looking for her Papi and found him exactly where her Mami had said he'd be.

"Hi Papi" she says from the doorway to the small room.

Mr Lopez reaction is more restrained than his wife's but he still gets out of his chair to hug and greet Santana before pulling her into the office and closing the door behind her.

"So what was it you wanted to talk to me about so urgently Mi'ja?" he asks.

Santana gives her father an abridged version of Rachel's situation, explaining about how her fathers died and how the state had intervened locking the Berry estate away in probate and away from Rachel. She didn't tell her father what Rachel had been doing for a living for the past two years, only saying she had had to drop out of school and had, until Santana had found her, been surviving hand to mouth for most of the time since the accident. Santana's father listened intently and nodded throughout.

"And who is this lawyer that is handling the case?" he asked when Santana was done. He grimaced when Santana told him. "This is well out of his area of expertise. I'm sure he can handle a straightforward will without any problems, but it doesn't surprise me that nothing has been resolved even after all this time."

"Can you help her Papi?"

"Not personally, it is also not my area of expertise…" he begins.

"But there must be someone in your practice…" Santana trails off when her father holds up his hand.

"Of course there is and being a partner means I can task him to help your friend. But I will need written permission from her so that we can become involved in the case."

Santana nods, "If you write the letter, I'll get her to sign it."

* * *

Rachel was sitting at the kitchen table watching Mrs Lopez as she bustled around the kitchen. She had offered to help, but the Latina women would have none of it, it was made clear to Rachel that she was a guest in the house and was not expected or required to do anything. So instead she sat and watched and answered questions about New York that she was pretty sure Santana's Mami already knew the answers to. She'd have to if she spent any time talking to Santana and Rachel knew they were still very close.

She took the opportunity of a lull in the conversation to ask a question of her own. "Mrs Lopez, do you know what happened to Elle?"

Rachel had been watching Mrs Lopez closely as she had spoken and so saw that the woman froze almost immediately the name was mentioned. The smile that had graced the older woman's face since they had arrived melted away and she blinked a few times before she turned away from the diva.

"What do you know about Elle?" Mrs Lopez asked quietly.

"Santana said she was officially her personal assistant but more of a friend and a sister. And that she died."

Mrs Lopez nods to herself, "That's all?"

"Yes."

Mrs Lopez seems to wipe her eyes before turning back to Rachel. "Rachel, there are some thing that belong to people, that only they can or should tell and this is one of those things. I hope you understand, but it's not my place to tell you. If my daughter wants you to know she'll tell you but please don't push her, I know what happened still hurts her."

Rachel nods, "Were they more than just friends or sisters?" she asks tentatively.

"No" Mrs Lopez shakes her head, "Sisters is just about the perfect description for the pair of them. They were inseparable more or less from the time they met and let me tell you, Santana did not want a personal assistant one little bit. They did love each other, but they weren't in love if that's what you're asking."

Silence descended in the kitchen as Rachel contemplated what Mrs Lopez had told her while Mrs Lopez returned to bustling around the kitchen to finish preparing lunch. The silence was only broken when Santana returned and dragged Rachel off to speak to her Papi.

* * *

They left shortly after lunch. Rachel had agreed to let Mr Lopez's practice take over her case since she doubted he could do any worse than her current lawyer and signed the papers he had supplied. There had been a very short argument over payment, but Mr Lopez wouldn't hear anything about it. He was doing this as a favor for his daughter and he wouldn't accept a cent from Rachel.

The drive to the cemetery was short, only stopping on the way to pick up some flowers from a local store, and it wasn't long before they were walking along the pathways that lead to the Berry mens graves. Santana had taken the precaution of locating the graves before they had arrived in case Rachel couldn't remember, or had blocked out, where they were but the diva had turned in the correct direction and started walking almost as soon as they had stepped out of the car.

It wasn't long before they were standing before the grave. The Berry men were buried together of course, neither the cemetery nor the Temple had any problem with that and at the time it had occurred to Rachel that it was bizarre that a religious organization had less problems with the two men being together than the supposedly secular state did.

Santana was content to wait for as long as Rachel needed. The diva's tears had started almost as soon as they had arrived but they weren't accompanied by the dramatic sobs and wails Santana had sort of expected, but instead by the occasional quiet sob or whimper. But still Santana stepped up to the other girl and wraps her arm around her waist to offer her support.

"I thought it would be overgrown." Rachel eventually says.

It was a pointless and insignificant observation Rachel knew, but it was the only thing she could think of that she could say that wouldn't cause her to completely break down.

"My Papi came up to clean it up at the weekend so it would be tidy for us and I've signed up with the service here that will keep everything neat and tidy from now on." Santana says.

After some more silence Santana asks "Do you want some privacy to talk to them?"

Rachel shakes her head, "I don't know what to say."

"Do you mind if I say something?" Santana asks. When Rachel shakes her head the Latina turns back to the grave headstone before clearing her throat, "Mr Berry and… umm…"

"Hiram and LeRoy." Rachel interrupts, "They hate… hated Mr Berry. They always said they never knew who someone was talking to when they were both there."

"Hiram and LeRoy." Santana corrects herself, "I don't think we've ever been introduced but my name is Santana Lopez, I used to be in Glee club with your daughter back when we were in High School together. I just wanted you both to know that your daughter is okay and being cared for. She's had a bit of a hard time these last few years and had to struggle through on her own, but I'm sure you would both be proud of how she has managed to survive even with the odds stacked against her."

Santana gives the diva's waist a squeeze. "But she isn't going to have to just survive anymore and she isn't going to be alone. I'm going to help her get back on her feet, get back to school and eventually realize her dreams. I'm going to be there for her for as long as she wants so she won't ever have to be on her own again. I've made those promises to her and now I make them to you two as well. I'm sure some day she's going to be a star but until that happens, I'm going to look after her and even when it does happen I will be there for her."

'Because' Santana adds to herself, 'being a star can be the loneliest life.'

Santana can feel Rachel's body shake against her own as the girl continues to cry and then she feels the diva pull away slightly.

"Santana, can you give me a few minutes?"

"Take as long as you need Rach."

The Latina walks the short distance to sit on a nearby bench and watches as Rachel kneels on the grass in front of her fathers' headstone. She can see the diva is still crying, her body shaking every so often at a particularly violent sob, but she's also talking to her fathers though Santana can't make out what she's saying, not that the diva would want to intrude by overhearing.

She doesn't know how long she waits but it doesn't matter, she would wait for as long as Rachel needed her too. The diva had spent quite some time talking to her fathers and then had sat in apparent silence for even longer only moving now and then to adjust or just touch the flowers they had both placed by the headstone when they had arrived. Santana just waits and watches.

So she's ready when Rachel suddenly calls out her name and just a few moments later she's at the diva's side as the other girl climbs to her feet.

"Can we go now?" Rachel asks rather weakly.

Santana nods, "If you're ready, we can go."

The walk back to the car and the drive back to Columbus took place in pretty much the same silence as the mornings drive to Lima. They ordered room service for dinner and once again Rachel climbed into bed with Santana, both fully clothed in their sleep ware this time.

"Santana, did you mean what you said today?"

"I meant every word Rach" Santana confirms, "but if there's something in particular you're asking about you'll have to be more specific."

"About never leaving me alone." The diva says quietly.

Santana reaches up to push Rachel's hair away from her face so she can look the girl in her eyes. She has a sudden desire to move forward and press her lips against Rachel's but she manages to resist. "Rach, I'll be here for you for as long as you want me to be. Your part of my life now and I'm part of yours, so you're stuck with me. You never need to be alone again."

"I just get so scared that I'll wake up and this has all been a dream. I'm scared that I'll wake up and be back in that one room apartment and working at that club. But the worst part, the thing that scares me the most, is that I'll wake up and be alone again. Everyone leaves me Santana. Finn left me, my mother left me, even my fathers left me and then I had no one, I was so alone and I hated it."

This time Santana does kiss the girl in her arms, she gently presses her lips against the diva's forehead before pulling her closer, "Your fathers didn't leave Rach, I'm sure their still keeping an eye on you. And I promise I'll do everything I can to never leave you. I'll be here whenever you need me."


	12. Chapter 12

Rachel started singing again.  It happened one morning in Santana’s en-suite shower a couple of weeks after they had returned from Lima and it took the Latina quite a while to figure out what was going in since she was still lying in bed recovering from what had happened shortly before the diva started singing.

The night they had returned to New York from Lima, the girls had curled up together on the largest sofa in the living room and ignored the movie they had randomly selected on Netflix.  They were both trying to decide how to start a conversation about their sleeping arrangements while at the same time totally oblivious to the fact that the other was obsessing about the same thing.

Santana couldn’t think of any way to invite Rachel to sleep with her that didn’t sound like she was propositioning the other girl for sex, which granted she wouldn’t object to but she was pretty sure Rachel would run a mile if she even got a hint that Santana might be interested in her like that. 

Not that Santana’s interest in Rachel was purely physical, she actually cared for the little diva more than she would probably like to admit.  It had started back when she had first saw Rachel on stage in that club and the days following when the Latina’s heart had broken for the girl she had been so sure would be the successful one.  Those days had broken open the door to the Latina’s heart and every time Rachel climbed into her bed, curled up with her on the sofa, directed those doe eyes or pout at her or walked around in just her underwear, she had managed to work her way deeper into Santana’s heart until the thought of not being with Rachel actually hurt.

It was ridiculous given their history and the short time they had lived together, Santana knew that, and yet she couldn’t deny the truth and the truth was simple, she was falling head over heels for the diva.  And that left Santana with a dilemma.  She wanted Rachel in her bed even if they were just sleeping together because not having her there was torture.  And yet it was just as bad to have her there and not be able to kiss her or touch her like she wanted to.

Rachel had things a little easier.  All she was worried about was overstaying her welcome, she knew Santana liked waking up with her there but she didn’t want to spend so many nights in Santana’s bed that the Latina would get annoyed with her being there all the time and kick her out.  Rachel liked waking up with Santana too and didn’t want to be denied the opportunity to do just that.  And yes, Rachel had noticed the odd looks Santana sometimes gave her especially when she had just stepped out of the shower or was in the middle of getting changed, but she wasn’t sure what those looks meant and didn’t want to push her luck and end up being told to stick to her own bed in future.

That night they ended up falling asleep tangled up in each other’s arms on the living room sofa and when they woke the next day, bother were suffering from sore backs and cricked necks.

_“Fuck” Santana says as she flexes her back._

_“This couch isn’t as comfortable to sleep on as it looks.” Rachel observes as she tries to roll over without rolling off of the couch._

_“Why exactly did we sleep here again?” Santana asks_

_“I guess we didn’t want to sleep alone?” Rachel offers._

_Santana groans in pain, “Let’s just stick to my bed in future, it’s a lot more comfortable than this sofa and there is much more space too.”  Rachel nods and Santana decides to make her point, “As often as you want Rach, okay?”_

_“You won’t get annoyed with me if I’m there too often?” Rachel asks quietly into Santana’s chest where her face was currently buried._

_Santana chuckles quietly as she plays with a lock of Rachel’s hair, “Never.”_

So that night Rachel got changed in her own room and then walked next door where she climbed into bed with Santana and curled into the Latina’s side.  Santana’s arms closed automatically around the smaller girl and they both let out a sigh of happiness.  Sleep however does not come easily to either of them.

_“San, are you awake?”_

_Rachel asks the question quietly after lying in the other girls arms for what seemed like forever but was, according to the bedside clock, only about three quarters of an hour._

_“No” Santana grumbles then sighs, “yes.  Can’t sleep either?”_

_Rachel nods and they both lapse into silence again for a while._

_“Tell me something I don’t know about you.” Rachel says._

_“What?”_

_“Well, you’re this big music star now and we haven’t seen each other in years before you… well, before you rescued me and even before then we were never really the best of friends.  There must be something I don’t know about you.”_

_Santana seems to consider this for a moment, “Okay, but you have to tell me something too.”  When Rachel nods, Santana adds “and you go first.”_

_“Hey!” Rachel pouts up and Santana but the other girl has shut her eyes to avoid that very action, “Fine.”  There’s a pause as Rachel considers exactly what she should tell Santana.  “Well, back in High School, well for most of the time we were in Glee club I guess, I had this massive crush on Quinn.  We used to keep having these deep conversations massive subtext, but we always seemed to end up having them in the girl’s bathroom or in the corridor outside the choir room. It was really weird”_

_“Do you still like her?” Santana asks tentatively, “Is that why you two fought so badly when she told you about her and Britt?”_

_Rachel just shook her head, “So, your turn.”_

_That was clearly the end of that conversation._

_Santana sighs, “I haven’t slept like this with anyone since Elle.”_

_Rachel didn’t say anything, just looked up questioningly at Santana._

_“No we didn’t sleep together sleep together, we just slept together.” Santana pauses and considers for a moments, “Which doesn’t actually sound any better, but you know what I mean.” She smiles at the memory, “I really didn’t want a personal assistant, at least not another one since I’d managed to finally train the one I already had.  But Snix had a bad habit of turning up at the most inopportune moment and the studio thought that Elle would be able to keep me under control.”_

_“So I agreed to meet her just to get the studio off my back and we just clicked immediately.  It’s like we were instant best friends, I felt like I could tell her anything and you know how difficult that is for me.”_

_Rachel just nods, not wanting to interrupt Santana while she’s actually talking about the girl that seemed to mean so much to her and not just breaking down in tears._

_“She never actually did the PA thing either, my original one was and is still working for me, but she kept me company and kept me sane and under control, which was all the label was worried about.  The first night she stayed over we both ended up crashing on the sofa and yes, we both woke up with sore backs the next day.”_

_They bother chuckled a little at that remember the state they were in that morning._

_“I don’t even remember how it happened the first time.  I guess I may have had too much to drink and we actually ended up at her apartment since it was closer to wherever we’d been.  She didn’t have two bedrooms though and she told me the next day that when she put me to bed and told me she was going to go sleep on her sofa, I wouldn’t let her go.  I dragged her into bed with me and we ended up sleeping there.  It just became a thing after that.  Whenever she stayed over she’d climb into bed with me.  I think we both loved just being close to each other.”_

_“Tours were different though.  She always had the room next to mine and sometimes there were connecting doors.  We’d leave the door open or we’d hang out in one of the rooms until we just couldn’t stay awake and then we’d just crash in whichever bed we were in.  Or the times we had tour buses and we’d share the big room at the back of the bus that was reserved for me.”_

_“Someone must have said something to the label though because she got confronted by the management at one point and was accused of actually sleeping with me, and not in the innocent way we had been.  They were going to reassign her to another artist but this was just after my second album went triple platinum and I told them if they reassigned her, they wouldn’t see another song from me for the rest of my contract.  It only specified a duration in the terms and not a number of albums I had to release so I wouldn’t be in violation of it.  And in the end they backed down.  From then on they didn’t even bother to book Elle a room, they just assumed she’s share with me, which was fine with both of us.”_

_Santana sighs as she stares up into the dark, “Sometimes I wonder if I had let her go would she still be alive.”_

_“You can’t think like that Santana” Rachel says, “I’m sure it wasn’t your fault she died.”_

_Santana is quiet for a long moment before she responds.  “It was my fault.  It was at a meet and greet for my third album.  One that had been delayed because the host had been ill.  Delayed so far after the publicity push for the album that it was really pointless to go.  But Elle said we should, someone had won the chance to meet me and it would look bad to my fans if I didn’t show up.”_

_Santana takes a deep shaky breath and screws her eyes closed to try and forestall the tears she knows are coming.  Rachel can feel the Latina’s grip tighten on her until Santana is almost clinging on for life itself._

_“It’s okay Santana; you don’t have to tell me anything else.  I understand you’re still hurting and I don’t want you to feel like you have to explain anything.” Rachel offers._

_Santana just shakes her head and continues like Rachel hadn’t spoken.  “We were done for the day, we were just leaving the building and planning on heading back here to watch a movie or something when someone shouted ‘knife’.  I looked up and there was this guy coming at me with something bright in his hand and Elle…”_

_Santana pauses for a minute, her chest heaving as she tried to control the sobs that wanted to brake forth, “Elle just stepped in front of me.  She didn’t even pause, just took a step and…”  Santana really didn’t know how to explain it.  “Then the next second security was there dragging the guy off and someone was calling 911 and Elle just collapsed into my arms.  All I can remember is kneeling on the sidewalk with her in my arms and there was blood everywhere.  She looked up at me and told me she’d always love me and she’s see me later.”_

_Santana’s whole body shakes as a sob finally breaks free, “And then she died.”_

She didn’t tell Rachel how she’d screamed at the top of her lungs for help, how she’d pressed her hand over the gaping wound in Elle’e chest to try and stop the bleeding, how she’s heard and felt the girl gasp in wonder just before her heart finally stopped beating, how she’s carefully laid the redhead down onto the cold New York sidewalk and how it had taken three security guards to hold her back from ripping the scum that had killed Elle to shreds.

She didn’t tell Rachel how she’d broken down a few days later at Elle’s funeral, how she’d came home and climbed into bed and stayed there for weeks rarely even eating.  She didn’t tell Rachel how her assistant, desperate after weeks of being barely able to get any response from the Latina, had called the only name she could think of in Santana’s phone that might be able to help.  She didn’t tell Rachel how Britt had dropped everything including quitting the teaching job she’d taken in a dance studio while waiting for her big break to cross the country to be with her, bringing Quinn with her and how both had stayed until they had finally put Santana back together.

More or less.

The studio had been appreciative though, even if their star wasn’t back to writing she at least on the way there, and so when Britt had returned to LA they had pulled a few strings and gotten the blonde a lot of auditions she would never have even been offered before.  In the end she’d taken LA by storm and ended up with half a dozen offers to pick from, some to dance and others to choreograph.

That night Santana had clung to Rachel like she was a lifeline until she finally cried herself to sleep many hours later.

The next night and pretty much every night after, Rachel climbs into Santana’s bed as much for the Latina as for herself.  Which is why, on the morning Rachel sings for the first time since Santana rescued her, the pair find themselves waking up in Santana’s bed.

Something was different this morning.  Santana was used to waking up to the feel of the little diva curled into her side with her head resting on Santana’s shoulder or, on a rare occasion, Santana spooning Rachel  from behind with her arms wrapped around the smaller girls waist.  What she wasn’t used to was the diva’s full weight resting on top of her and the sudden realization that she was incredibly turned on.

She lay there blinking in confusion until Rachel pushed herself up and looked down at her with the same confused expression she was sure she was wearing herself.  Rachel shifts on top of her and the movement causes the diva’s thigh, already resting between her legs, to press harder against her.  A bolt of arousal shoots through the Latina that makes her gasp out loud and slam her eyes shut but a moment later the weight of the diva is gone and Santana glances around just in time to see Rachel disappear into the shower.

The door clicks closed behind her and Rachel leans against it, panting heavily even though she’d only walked a few steps across the room.  She pushes off of the door and crosses to the shower, turning on the water to allow it to heat up before stripping off her top and pants.  Cool air hits skin and the diva is suddenly aware of a very damp patch on her thigh.  She looks down at the pajama pants she’s still holding and spots a matching damp patch right where her thigh had been pressing against Santana.

Santana, who had looked up at the diva like she was about to combust.

She stood there for a moment biting her lip and looking down at the damp patch on her pants before she brought them up to her face and took a cautious sniff.  Her eyes slammed shut immediately and a low moan escaped her throat at the smell that was obviously Santana’s arousal.  It was… indescribable.

Before she knew what she was doing, the pants were dropped to the floor and she had thrown open the en-suite door to find Santana was still lying in bed staring dazedly in her direction.  It only took a few steps to cross the bedroom and a few seconds more before Rachel’s naked form was once again on top of the other girl. 

She deliberately buried her face in Santana’s neck, breathing deeply of her sent as she slid her thigh between spread legs until it contacted with the Latina’s soaked sleep shorts.  Santana bucked and moaned below her, the Latina’s hands immediate closing on Rachel’s waist before sliding down over her ass as her own thigh automatically rose to slide between Rachel’s legs.  The diva hadn’t even been aware of her own state until a bolt of pure arousal shot through her when contact was made and she gasped into Santana’s neck.  Her hips rocked of their own accord driving the two girls harder against each other just as Santana’s hips rose up to meet hers.

“Fuck Rach…” Santana gasps, almost begging the diva “Please… Please… don’t stop!”

Rachel could no longer stop even if she wanted to and she really, really didn’t want to.  They must have been rubbing up against each other for hours to get into this state and this was just the earth shattering, bed breaking, screaming climax.  Hips rocked against hips, searching for that little bit more friction between slick thigh and wet heat.  Santana’s fingers dug into Rachel’s ass as the diva’s found Santana’s hair. 

Moans and groans and curses flew freely until suddenly Santana stiffened, her body arched pressing her thigh hard against the diva’s core and the Latina screamed Rachel’s name as her orgasm exploded through her.  The sudden convulsions of the girl below her and the increase in pressure between her legs were enough to throw Rachel over the edge and into her own body quaking orgasm, but rather than call out she bit down on Santana’s neck when the shuddering took her, not breaking skin but definitely leaving a mark.

They lay there for some time, shaking and shuddering and panting while they recovered.  But by the time Santana had regained her senses fully, the weight of Rachel had left her and she was once again alone in the bed.  The water was running in the shower.

And Rachel was singing.


	13. Chapter 13

They don't talk about it of course, that would be too easy.

Initially that's Santana's fault, though Rachel does contribute to the situation. A combination of post-coital bliss, the pattering sound of the shower and Rachel's soft (by the time it reached Santana's ears anyway) singing sends the Latina into a deep sleep that even thoughts of a naked Rachel writhing on top of her can't keep her from.

It didn't help that Rachel more or less hid in the en-suite after she was done with her shower. She was trying to work out exactly what had come over her when she had marched out of the small room and more or less threw herself at Santana and she was trying to work out what she was going to say to the other girl as well. However it quickly became clear that any answer other than that it felt like a good idea at the time was going to take longer than she would really like to spend in the bathroom and so Rachel wraps herself in a towel (since her robe is still out in the bedroom), takes a deep breath and opens the bathroom door.

She finds Santana asleep on the bed looking so peaceful and happy that Rachel can't help but smile as she looks down at her. The Latina's arms and legs spread wide over the space as if she'd collapsed exhausted onto it and covers still thrown aside where they had landed when Rachel had thrown them when she had first climbed off of the bed. Her tank top had ridden up to just under her breasts and her shorts had been pushed down low on her hips leaving the space in between the two pieces of cloth naked and exposed to Rachel's gaze.

As tempting as it was to adjust either of those pieces of clothing to allow a more interesting view, Rachel manages to resist.

Rachel cheeks heat up as her gaze continues down to take in the large damp patch between Santana's legs, still dark against the grey of her sleep shorts and the diva is sure she can smell the other girls arousal from where she stands. Her eyes continue down of their own accord to the place where she had been pressed against Santana's thigh, where she had come for the first time in what seemed like so many years, and she feels a twist of arousal wake in her lower abdomen.

Rachel leans gently on the side of the bed, reaching over to pull the covers back over Santana's sleeping form which caused the Latina to shift and mumble in her sleep.

"Mmmm, Rach…"

Rachel's eyes shoot up to Santana's face, the diva temporarily worried that she had disturbed the other girl, but she relaxes when she sees the Latina's eyes still closed and a large smile on her lips.

Santana was dreaming about her?

Rachel chews on her lower lip a little as she secures the covers by tucking them under the edge of the mattress and wonders exactly what Santana is dreaming. She's pretty sure what she would be dreaming right then if she was asleep. She looks down at the girl once more, reaching out to gently stroke her cheek before leaning over to press her lips against Santana's forehead just like the Latina had done to her so many times in the last few weeks. She smiles once more and turns to walk out of the bedroom.

Rachel gets dressed in her room. Initially she goes for the underwear she would normally feel comfortable in, plain white panties and bra, but something makes her pause. Her hand finally lands on a pair of lacy black panties that Santana seems to like, she'd selected them or items like them for Rachel to wear plenty of times in the past month, and she searches out the matching bra, garter belt and stockings while contemplating the implications of Santana's preference for her underwear.

She slips on a dress picked almost totally at random and slips it on, it doesn't really matter what she chooses because nothing in her wardrobe looks bad on her thanks to the fact that Santana picked it all. A pair of pumps is next, wedge heels for a change since they match the dress, and after a quick glance outside she selects a light jacket to go over it all.

She stops in the kitchen to write a note. This will be the first stop Santana makes after she manages to haul herself out of bed, assuming her post orgasm morning routine is the same as her normal one, and Rachel doesn't want the Latina to worry when she realizes the diva isn't around. She's about to stick the post-it to the fridge when she changes her mind and instead attaches it to the handle of the now brewing coffee pot.

Santana might not stop for breakfast, but she will definitely want her morning cup of the dark brown stuff.

Rachel grabs a breakfast bar and a bottle of water before she heads out of the apartment.

* * *

At first Santana thought it had been a dream. There had been two dreams, one before and one after she had actually woken up with Rachel and so it really wasn't a surprise that she assumed what had happened in between was also a dream. It didn't stop her spending some time basking in the afterglow of the dreams though, the images of Rachel writhing under her and screaming her name, the memory of how Rachel had made her scream in pleasure in return and the warmth of two naked bodies so entangled that you couldn't tell where one ended and the other began.

In fact she's so caught up in the memories that it takes some time before she realizes that Rachel isn't in bed with her. Her immediate thought was that Rachel knew about her dreams, maybe she had moaned the other girls name in her sleep, or maybe not because as she sits up and pulls the covers off of her body the unmistakable smell of her arousal hits her.

She looks down at herself in horror, her shorts were still damp, the darker patch at her crotch unmistakable and she could feel the cold, damp stickiness between her legs. There is no one else in the room, a glance around confirms that, but she still can't stop the heat of embarrassment building in her cheeks. She's gotten so turned on by her dream that she's soaked through her underwear and short, maybe even moaned Rachel's name in her sleep, and probably scared off the girl in the process.

She wonders if Rachel will even be able to look at her in the future.

And then another, even worse thought. Will Rachel even want to live with her anymore?

Some serious damage control is required here and the first places that needs that is herself and her bed. She rolls out of bed and takes only seconds to strip off her clothes and dumping them in the hamper. Her bed sheets don't seem to be marked, but she strips them off anyway and they follow the sleepwear into the hamper. Santana doesn't want to take the risk of having her smell hang around. She'll open the window too, but since she's a little naked right now that can wait until after she's had a shower and gotten dressed.

She heads to the en-suite and turns on the shower but as always it starts cold and she turns to the sink to brush her teeth while she's waiting for it to heat up. Which is the first time that morning that she sees herself in the mirror. At first she doesn't even realize what she's looking at since she's too busy trying to work out what to say to Rachel that will persuade her not to move out and she ends up staring at it blankly before the reality of what she's seeing finally sinks in.

Santana's neck is decorated with a rather large and very red hickey.

She stands there for a long moment open mouthed at the realization that one of her dreams wasn't a dream, that it was very real and that she had sex with Rachel. Her mind shoots back over the dream that wasn't a dream in which Rachel gave her that hickey and her heart skips as she remembers exactly what they had done. What she had done to Rachel, what Rachel had done to her and what she had begged Rachel not to stop doing.

She frowns at herself in the mirror as she tried to work out if what they had actually done counted as sex. They had both come, or at least she assumes Rachel came otherwise the diva had had some sort of epileptic fit on top of her while she was having an orgasm, which would be… unfortunate. But there hadn't been that much in intimate contact, thighs and private places yes, but apart from that…

"Oh God, I grabbed her ass." Santana mutters to herself as she replays that memory one more time.

She eventually has the shower, though that is most accomplished on auto pilot, and dresses in the first comfortable clothes that came to hand when she stepped into her closet. Its only after Santana has knocked on Rachel's bedroom door that she realizes that she's going to have to actually say something to her if she actually answers and somehow 'How was it for you?' didn't seem very appropriate.

But there is no answer and when Santana sticks her head around the door she finds the room empty. The music room, the little office beyond their bedrooms, the bathroom that holds the tub she's learned that Rachel loves soaking in and even the living room are empty. By the time Santana makes it to the kitchen she's a little relieved that she hasn't found the diva because the only thing she can come up with is 'Did you sleep well?' which was only a little better than her first option.

There's coffee in the pot though and Santana mentally thanks Rachel, wherever she is, for that small mercy and almost totally misses the note stuck to the pot handle until her hand closes around it. She reads while she pours and finds that Rachel has gone out for the morning for an unspecified reason and would be back later.

Rachel signs off with 'I hope you slept well' when makes Santana grin.

Santana grabs her coffee and heads off to her music room deciding that she'll not worry about what to say to Rachel when she comes back but will just go with the flow.

* * *

When Rachel had stepped out that morning it hadn't been to put space between herself and Santana, it hadn't even been to clear her head or figure out why what had happened had happened. She had left to work off the excess energy the morning had left her with because she was pretty sure that if she didn't, sooner or later she'd be climbing into Santana's bed for round two.

And maybe round three.

So Rachel wasn't disturbed by what had happened. She had always known she was bisexual so being intimate with another girl wasn’t a problem for her. Was she surprised at the events of that morning? Yes. Confused a little by her rather impulsive part in it? Yes. Worried about what it would do to their relationship? Definitely. Scared that Santana might decide it was better for Rachel to move out? Absolutely. But regretting what had happened? Absolutely not.

So her problem isn't what happened, but what happens next and what she wanted to happen next. And at this point in time Rachel doesn't have an answer for that one; there are just too many unknowns. She had no idea what it had actually meant to Santana, was it was just the unconscious expression of an animalistic need or did the girl actually had some feelings for her?

Her own feelings had been thrown into similar confusion. Was she attracted to Santana or was it just an opportunity that she hadn't been able to resist? Did she want Santana to be attracted to her? Was she interested in a future with the Latina, or just a good time in bed? Would she even be able to climb into bed with Santana when the time came that night and would she be disappointed or happy if nothing happened?

Rachel decided that all she could do was wait and see. Take her lead from Santana and try to figure out what they both felt for each other, if anything.

She has been walking randomly since she left the apartment building, taking turns left of right at the end of each block without conscious decision, so when she's done with her musings and actually pays attention to her surroundings she finds she standing outside the administration building of NYADA.

She shrugs, straightens her dress and jacket and steps inside.

* * *

The front door slammed so hard that Santana actually felt it through the insulation of the music room walls. At first she thought maybe someone had broken in, used something to smash down the reinforced front door or even blown it off its hinges in an attempt to gain access, but when she cautiously opened the music room door, all she can hear from the direction of the living room is sobbing. And she's pretty sure that it's Rachel that is crying.

Santana's heart sinks. Was this the result of their tryst of this morning? Was Rachel so upset over it that she'd spent the morning walking around the city in tears? Santana's heart burns at the thought that she has, even unintentionally, caused the diva any pain and she decides right then and there that she'll do whatever is necessary to make Rachel happy again, even if that means never seeing her again except from a distance.

She makes her way to the living room and, after some thought, sits down on the far end of the sofa that Rachel is currently occupying. The diva is curled up against one arm, her whole body shaking from the sobs and Santana thinks that she's never seen her look so small. She wants to reach out, to pull the other girl into her arms, to promise her whatever the hurt that everything is going to be okay, but that might just make things worse.

"Rach?"

Santana's voice sounds pained to herself, doesn't even sound like herself, but Rachel looks up and instead of shrinking away or yelling at her to go away, the diva launches herself at Santana and ends up sobbing in her arms. Santana allows herself a sigh of relief, at least Rachel doesn't want the Latina to stay away from her.

It takes some time to calm Rachel down, but eventually the tears have subsided enough that Santana thinks it safe to find out what's wrong.

"Rach, what's wrong?" she asks kindly.

Rachel sniffs and hiccups a little before answering, "I can't go back."

"Go back where Rach?"

Santana was rather worried that Rachel had been looking at her old apartment or even her job at the club, though why Rachel would think she had to go back eluded Santana since the girl had enough money to live quite happily for a few years.

"NYADA" Rachel explains through the remaining sob, "I can't go back. They won't let me back."

"Why not?"

Rachel takes a deep breath, as if it was going to take a lot of effort to get the following words out. "They don't let you back if you drop out."

"But your parents…" Santana begins.

"It doesn't matter" Rachel cuts her off before she can finish the thought. "There are no exceptions. I can't go back."

Santana is instantly furious. NYADA is the best school for musical theater in New York and Rachel deserved the best, she's good enough to be at the best, hell she was the best. It wasn't like she had much of a choice when she dropped out, and even if she had, she had just suffered the pain of losing both of her parents and no paper pushing bureaucrat had any right to reject Rachel without taking that into consideration.

"We'll see about that." Santana snarls.

She gently disengages herself from the diva and within moments is on her phone ordering her town car to the front of the building. She grabs her purse and jacket and heads towards the door.

"Where are you going?" Rachel asks.

"NYADA" Santana says one hand on the door handle as she looks back at Rachel, "You will be going back to school Rach."


	14. Chapter 14

"Who gave you the hickey Santana?"

"Santana! Are you seeing someone new?"

"Who's the lucky guy Santana?"

Santana had forgotten what she was wearing, but she was reminded almost as soon as she stepped out of the front door and paparazzi started with their flashes and questions. The clothes she had pulled on were a pair of very tight skinny jeans and a large sloppy sweater that she only ever wore when she was hanging out at home.

It hangs off of one shoulder, which reminds her that she failed to put on a bra that morning, and is currently showcasing the hickey on that side of her neck. There's nothing she can do about it right now though, since any attempt to hide the bruise will just make things worse. The best she can hope for is that they'll let it go but realistically she knows that in a few days' time the new round of magazines to hit the newsstands will all contain pictures of her and her hickey and ridiculous rumors about who gave it to her.

Worse they were probably going to be linking her up with what they considered to be New York or LA's most eligible bachelors or run with the "Mystery Man" story. It wasn't that Santana had kept her sexuality a secret, but she hadn't gone out of her way to advertise it either. She hadn't had a girlfriend since Britt had left for LA and back then she hadn't been famous enough to attract the attention of the paparazzi.

But they don't get in her way and she makes it to her car with only a few steps where James is waiting for instructions.

"We're going to NYADA." She says just loud enough for the nearest photographers to hear.

* * *

The drive to NYADA is short so Santana isn't surprised that they make it there before any paparazzi, but she does very quickly gain the attention of a number of students that were hanging around the main entrance and she can hear them whispering her name to each other. It's not unheard of for NYADA to be visited by a celebrity every so often after all there are plenty of members of its alumni that are famous, but having someone as famous as Santana just turn up off the street one day without any warning is somewhat unusual, especially since Santana has never attended the school.

So by the time Santana has crossed the main entrance hall, had a heated discussion with the receptionist and had gained directions to her destination, she had acquired quite a following of curious students. She almost gets turned around in the old buildings myriad of corridors, but one of the students rather nervously points the correct way and moments later she's standing outside the appropriate office.

She doesn't knock but instead pushes the door open and finds herself in an outer office with someone who is obviously a secretary and obviously waiting for her. The secretary tries to deflect her, but Santana ignores the woman and marches directly across the office and throws open the door to the inner office and steps inside, closing the door behind her while making sure the secretary didn't follow her inside.

"Normally I require my visitors to make an appointment Ms Lopez" Carmen Tibideaux says quietly as she gestures to the chair in front of her desk, "But since you are here and I happen to have a few minutes available, why don't you tell me what caused you to barge into my office much to my secretaries distress?"

"I came to talk to you about a student" Santana says, "Rachel Berry."

Carmen turns to a computer sitting on the end of her desk and spends a few moments with the mouse and keyboard.

"Ex-student I believe" she says, "She dropped out."

"And now she's coming back." Santana says in a tone that brooks no argument.

"I'm sorry but the school has a very clear policy. If a student drops out for any reason, they are ineligible for re-entry."

"Her parents died you know. She was left with nothing and no one to help her. She couldn't have stayed in school even if she wanted to, which she did."

"And I am sorry about her situation but our rules are very specific."

"And you're going to make an exception" Santana says, "because let me tell you what is going to happen if you don't…"

* * *

Santana was lost. It was kind of embarrassing since this wasn't exactly a huge building but somehow she had come out of Carmen's office on the third floor and taken a wrong turn somewhere. With no willing students to show her the right direction she finds she has ended up on what appears to be the fifth floor with no idea how she managed to end up there.

She is too embarrassed now to ask for directions but that didn't seem to matter much as it seemed everyone was in the middle of class and there was no one in the warren of corridors to ask anyway. So she's wandering about hoping to come across a stairwell or elevator that will at least take her to the ground floor and hopefully from there it will be easier to find a way out. Even if she has to go out a window. She's done that before.

Santana turns a corner to find another corridor pretty much like all the others she has seen since leaving Carmen's office. She wanders along the corridor peeking into class rooms through the small windows in closed doors and scanning notice boards as she passes. This corridor seems to form part of the music wing of the school. The rooms on one side of the corridor are small and heavily soundproofed with space only for three or four people while the ones on the other side are larger and just as soundproofed but with enough space in some cases for twenty or thirty people.

It is from the open door of one of these larger rooms at the far end of the corridor that Santana hears music she recognizes. Not just recognises but wrote and sang and took to number one in the charts. She tries to remember if she's ever been told about her songs being licensed to music schools for teaching purposes but nothing comes to mind at the moment, she'll have to remember to ask her assistant about that later.

It's obvious that someone has used some electronic trickery to wipe the vocals from the recording to turn it into an instrumental track that people can sing along with. But the end result isn't as good as the actual instrumental track Santana has in her iPod for rehearsal purposes. She lingers a little just outside the door listening to the girl who is currently singing and, all things considered, doing a pretty good job of it, right up until the really tricky bit that still catches Santana out on occasion, luckily never live… yet.

"No, No, No! That's terrible! You must try harder Madison; I know you can do better than that. Now listen to me." An older voice says.

There are a few moments of silence which turns out to be someone re-cuing the music and it starts up again a few lines before the tricky part. The older voice, Santana assumes it belongs to the class teacher, is pretty good but is more suitable for Broadway classics than current pop songs and she manages fairly well until she hits the tricky part. Granted, the attempt is a lot better than some but it's a lot worse than the female voice that Santana had first heard, but the teacher seems pleased with herself.

"You see what I mean?" she doesn't wait for an answer, "Good, now try again. A capella."

The girl, Madison, tries again and this attempt sounds even better to Santana, much closer to what it is supposed to be, but the teacher still isn't pleased and starts berating the poor girl for not trying hard enough. The Latina steps into the classroom and opens her mouth, interrupting the teacher and singing without accompaniment the few lines that the teacher had sang with the music, happily managing the tricky bit perfectly. The teacher is standing with her back to the door with her class arrayed before her and Santana sees recognition in some of the student's faces but she shakes her head slightly just before the teacher spins around and glares at her.

"And who are you young lady? You aren't supposed to be in this class, are you?"

"Actually no, I'm kind of lost. I was looking for the way out."

"Well don't let us keep you" the teacher replies haughtily, "Your barely adequate singing is having detrimental effects on my students. Shoo, shoo!"

"Actually, I think I did pretty well." Santana says modestly, "Almost as well as the original artist."

That got a few titters from the students who knew who she was, confused looks from the other and a sneer from the teacher.

"Nonsense, Santana Lopez taught me this song herself and you sounded nothing like her!"

"Really?" Santana asks faking an impressed look, "Maybe you can ask her for an autograph for me the next time you see her?"

This time she earns outright laughs from some of the students which in turn earns them a glare from the teacher.

"So, how many of you know what Santana looks like?" the Latina asks. A number of hands go up and Santana picks one at random, "Describe her for us."

"Well, she's about your height, your build, your skin tone, your hair color and" the student appears to think for a moment, "your eye color. She looks pretty much like you actually."

Santana turns to the teacher and sticks her hand out, "Hi, I'm Santana Lopez and you are not only a liar but you suck at singing my songs."

The teacher's face turns red and she seems to be seething and just as Santana thought she was going to explode, she turned on her heel and stomped out of the classroom in a manner that reminds Santana of a certain diva at home. After that most of the class drifted away but Santana asked Madison to stay and together they walk down to main entrance.

"You did really well Madison. Ignore what your teacher said, that song is really tricky. How long have you been practicing it?"

"Um, I've never sung it before today." Madison admitted a little shyly.

"Wow, I wrote it and I was still screwing it up a couple of months later!"

The conversation turned to recording sessions and on an impulse the Latina invited the student to tour the recording studio she used to lay down the tracks for her last album. This led to Santana and Madison stepping out of the main entrance of the building and into a group of hovering paparazzi.

"Who's the girl Santana?"

"Santana, is this your new girlfriend?"

"Is she the one that gave you the hickey?"

Santana just rolls her eyes, puts her arm around the rather nervous looking girl's waist and guides her to the waiting town car.

* * *

"Rach! I'm home!"

Santana doesn't get a response but the television is on in the living room and when Santana steps through the space between the two sofas she finds the diva curled up under a blanket and dozing lightly, her cheeks are still tear stained from earlier and Santana is pretty sure her eyes are puffy and will be all red when she opens them. Santana makes sure she stands well back when she shakes Rachel by the foot, the little diva had surprised her in the past by suddenly sitting bolt upright when woken unexpectedly.

She isn't disappointed. Rachel shots upright, her head intersecting the space Santana's would have been if she had leaned over to shake the diva by the shoulder, the blanket ending up on the far end of the sofa and the diva looking around and blinking in confusion. It takes a minute and Santana repeating her name a few times before Rachel managed to catch up with the fact that the Latina is there and is trying to talk to her.

"Sorry, I must have dozed off" she manages around a massive yawn.

Santana can't help but smile at how cute Rachel looks right at that moment. "Well, wake up Rach because I have some news."

"What is it San?" Rachel asks as she stretches and yawns again.

Santana can't hide the grin from her lips, "Well, there are some conditions but a certain diva I know is going to NYADA in the next school year!"

Silence. Absolute and total silence, so much so that Santana isn't even sure Rachel is breathing and just as the Latina opens her mouth to repeat the news to Rachel, the diva lets out a scream of joy and dives off of the sofa to wrap her arms and legs around Santana's body in a massive, bone crushing hug. Santana's hands automatically go up to support the diva and, because of Rachel's loose skirt, the Latina ends up with two handfuls of ass barely covered by tiny lacy panties and nothing else.

Santana might have involuntarily moaned directly into Rachel's ear.

But she's also stumbling backwards, knocked off balance by the impact of the smaller girl against her body and is paying more attention to the contents of her hands than the direction of her feet and she only realizes she has run out of room when the back of her shins hit the sofa that sits behind her. She manages to somehow twist as she falls so she end up laying along the length of the sofa and Rachel lands on top of her knocking the wind out of her lungs.

When Santana comes to her senses again she finds the diva still sitting astride her, her hands braced on either side of the Latina's head as she pushes herself up and looks down at the girl below her. Santana suddenly has to fight the urge to grind her hips up against Rachel. They are both panting harder than they should be given the activities of the last few moments and Santana hasn't yet moved her hands but Rachel doesn't seem to be in any rush to object. They gaze into each other's eyes, both noticing how dark the others had gotten so very suddenly, and when Rachel glances down to Santana's lips the Latina can't help but dampen them with the tip of her tongue.

Neither of them was sure who made the first move but moments later their lips were crashing together and Santana's fingers were automatically digging into Rachel's ass. The diva gasps and Santana takes advantage of her open mouth, slipping her tongue between Rachel's lips to meet the diva's own tongue where they tussle for supremacy for a few minutes, moving back and forth from one mouth to another before they are forced to separate for lack of oxygen.

Rachel sits upright, grinding down against Santana's hips as she quickly pulls her dress up over her head and tosses it onto the coffee table. Santana just blinks and stares for a while as the diva starts working on pulling the sweater off of the other girl. Rachel is wearing that set of lingerie, the set that had caused her to lose the ability to speak when she had pulled back the curtain in the changing room, the set that Santana has the almost irresistible need to rip from the other girl's body.

"Rach…?" Santana starts.

"Later" Rachel whispers, "We'll talk later."

A moment later she curses as she manages to pull the sweater free and finds herself looking down at the bra-less girl below her but before her fingers can make contact with the soft looking tan skin covering one of those beautiful globes, Santana's hand closes around her wrist and stops her.

"Rach… I need… to know…"

Rachel seems to understand what Santana is asking because she bends over again, her lips pressing against the other girl's for a moment before she whispers against her neck, "I want this." She kisses along Santana's neck, "I've wanted this all day." She kisses her way along Santana's chin and down the other side of her neck, "I wanted to stay in bed all day and fuck you senseless."

Question answered, Santana's arms close around the other girl and it's the work of a moment for her to unhook the little black bra the girl is wearing. Rachel giggles and works the straps free of her arms before tossing the bra away without disengaging her lips from their current task of leaving a second hickey on the side of the Latina's neck to match the one she left that morning.

"Fuck" Santana gasps as Rachel's hands finally make their way to her breasts.

They lose themselves in the kisses and touches, small whimpers, moans and the occasional curse the only soundtrack. Content to touch and be touched wherever naked skin was available. Breasts are squeezed, nipples tweaked, wet open-mouthed kisses are pressed wherever lips could reach and fingernails rake flanks and back. Rachel's hand slides down between their bodies until it finds the button at the waist of Santana's jeans.

"These need to come off."

It's awkward and tricky to pull the jeans off not only because they are so tight but because neither of the girls want to move or stop kissing each other but eventually the jeans are kicked free and Rachel can only consider it a bonus that they've taken the Latina's panties with them leaving the girl entirely naked below her. Rachel slides a thigh between Santana's legs to press against her hot soaked core and is rewarded with a loud groan and fingers digging into her ass as Santana presses up against the diva's thigh.

Her hands on Rachel's ass seem to remind Santana that the other girl is still wearing panties and moments later she has literally ripped the small piece of fabric from the diva's body.

"Hey!" Rachel complains.

"I'll buy you new ones, lots of new ones if I get to rip them off you." Santana mumbles back before she can stop herself.

Rachel blushes but nods then squeaks in surprise as Santana rolls them bother over onto their sides, the diva trapped between Santana and the back of the couch. She reaches down to unhook the garter belt she's wearing, but the Latina's hand stops her.

"Leave it on."

Rachel didn't have a chance to respond as Santana's hand continued its way down her body to slip between her legs. They are both still as the Latina's fingers cup Rachel and they both become aware of the heat and wetness that has gathered there. Santana finishes the hickey she has been working on and moves her lips until she can whisper into Rachel's ear.

"Together."

She only says the one word but Rachel instinctively knows what she means and the diva's hand slips down between their bodies to cup Santana in the same way the Latina is touching her. They both start moving together, both of their hips moving in a synchronized unconscious rhythm, fingers exploring wet folds and little hard nubs, pausing for a moment when one girl did something that caused a loss of concentration on the others part.

It was Rachel that first gasped "Inside" and Santana was only too happy to please, quickly sliding two fingers deep into the diva's entrance. Rachel's body arches as she gasps, pressing the whole length of her against Santana as the diva revels in the delicious stretching feeling between her legs. And then she returns the favor, sliding two fingers into the other girl with no warning and eliciting a moan that would alone have soaked Rachel's panties had she been wearing any.

They both lay still for a moment, adjusting to and savoring the feeling of fingers filling them. It's been a number of years since either of the girls have felt this feeling, have been stretched like this, have felt so close to another human being and it is both familiar and foreign to them, but very, very welcome.

Almost as if it was planned, they both started moving together. Slowly at first, fingers sliding in and out of wet passages making little wet noises accompanied by synchronized moans and groans. Thumbs search for and find little hooded nubs to stroke, press and circle as the two girl's hips grind against each other. A thin layer of sweat covers the naked skin of both girls as their rhythm speeds up, fingers sliding in and out faster, fingers reaching and scissoring inside the girls as they search for that special little spot.

When Santana gasps "More!" Rachel doesn't hesitate to insert a third finger into the Latina who almost immediately seems to shudder against her. Rachel can feel the other girl's walls flutter around her fingers so she thrusts faster, using her own body to push her fingers deeper into Santana until finally she find that spot. It barley takes a touch before the Latina clamps down around Rachel's fingers, her body shuddering where it presses up against the smaller girl and her mouth open in a silent scream of pleasure.

Santana's fingers don't stop moving even though they do lose some of their rhythm but that doesn't matter as the feeling of Santana coming apart around her fingers and against her naked body is enough to push Rachel over the edge. She doesn't shudder and shake like Santana but for a long moment every single muscle in her body seems to tense up solid as waves of pleasure crash through her, her body arched to press even harder against the other girl and her mouth open in a very loud scream.

Eventually both girls relax into boneless messes on the sofa, chests heaving as they try and catch their breath and regain their senses. The last thing Santana remembers before the blackness of sleep takes her is rolling onto her back, pulling Rachel on top of her so the diva's head is pillowed on her breast and covering them both with the throw from the back of the sofa.


	15. Chapter 15

She's woken hours later by the front door slamming shut and a voice calling out her name. For a moment she's not sure where she is or who the naked body pressing down on her naked body belongs to, but then the memories flood into her mind and she moans quietly. A quick glance confirms Rachel is still sound asleep and Santana can here footsteps making their way down the short corridor from the door. So she does the only thing she can, pulling the throw up to cover both Rachel's head and her exposed breasts. That does mean two pairs of feet and most of the attached shins are sticking out of the far end of the throw, but Santana would rather have that than give someone a free show.

"Santana? Are you home?"

She recognizes the voice this time as her assistant Ashley which is both a relief and a little confusing.

"In the living room." she calls back.

Ashley steps into the living room and it takes a moment for her to find the pair on the sofa. Her eyes trace over the obvious figure lying on top of Santana to the two pairs of feet sticking out from under the end of the throw before finding the clothes abandoned around the sofa.

"Am I interrupting something?" she asks with a raised eyebrow.

"Thankfully nothing other than our nap."

"Hmmm, nap. Sure."

The voices must have disturbed Rachel since she is obviously now awake and slowly crawling up Santana's body to work her head out from underneath the cover. Santana's thankfulness that the diva didn't just throw back the cover is short lived when Rachel's thigh slips between her legs and presses against her core for a moment. Ashley pointedly ignores the moan that slips from Santana's lips.

"What are you doing here anyway, shouldn't you be on holiday?" the Latina demands

Ashley throws herself down on the other sofa and rolls her eyes. "It's hardly a holiday when your boss banishes you from the city for two months."

"San, who is this and why did you banish her?" Rachel asks eyeing the other woman.

"Rachel, this is Ashley my personal assistant. Ashley, this is Rachel." Santana introduces the two.

"So you found her then" Ashley observes.

"Obviously." Santana says before addressing the second half of Rachel's question, "And she was banished because her mother was in hospital very ill and she wouldn't take time off to see her." The Latina glares at her assistant as she continues "What I want to know is why she's back, because she shouldn't be for another week at least."

"Well Moms out of hospital and back on her feet. It'll be a few months till she's her old self but the worst is past." Ashley replies.

"And that still doesn't answer my question, because you could be spending time with your parents while you still can. Not everyone gets two months paid holiday."

"I do appreciate it Santana, don't get me wrong and I wouldn't have been back yet except…" The assistant sighs, "The label called me back."

"Why?" Santana snaps. She had raised hell to get Ashley the time off she needed and everyone had been warned within an inch of their life not to bother the girl.

Ashley eyes the pair on the sofa, noting that the Latina's arms had obviously moved to wrap around Rachel's waist, and stands. "You probably want to get dress again first. I'll go make some coffee. Shout when you're decent."

Ashley wanders into the kitchen and Rachel throws the cover off of their body causing them both to shudder at the sudden coolness on their skins. They both climb up off the Sofa and grab their things. Rachel doesn't bother with her underwear, just pulling her dress on over her head and stuffing her bra and panties under a sofa cushion.

"How do you take your coffee Rachel?" floats through from the kitchen.

As Rachel calls her preferences back, soy milk and no sugar, Santana pulls on her panties and then her large sweater. Since the sweater falls to about midway down her thighs she doesn't bother with her jeans, just tossing them over the back of the sofa before shouting to Ashley that she can come out now. The girl shows up with a small tray Santana didn't even know she had with three mugs on it which she passes out to first Rachel and then Santana.

"Those are some hickey's you've got there Santana, have fun with the cover-up." She smirks.

Santana just throws her a look, "Well?"

Santana can already see the regret in Ashley's eyes before the girl even speaks. "I can't think of a way to break this to you gently Santana, so I'm just going to say it. It's about the case. They need you to testify."

Santana's reply is instant, "No! They said I wouldn't have to. They promised I wouldn't have to. What happened to the open and shut case?" she demands.

The Latina is obviously shaking already and Ashley knows it'll only be moments before she breaks down. She makes a move to sit next to Santana to try and comfort her, but before she can even stand from the sofa she's sitting on, Rachel is already there holding her boss. It's obvious Rachel isn't sure what's going on and Ashley is wondering how much she can say in front of her.

As if reading her mind Santana says "She knows."

Ashley nods, "It seems he's claiming to be Elle's boyfriend, that he was driven out of his mind because you seduced her away from him and he's not responsible for his actions."

"Bullshit! Elle didn't have a boyfriend, not in all the time I knew her. You and I both know that."

"But" Ashley starts a little cautiously, "she did have before you met her."

"Him." Santana says flatly, not really needing confirmation.

Ashley nods before continuing, "And they've found someone on the staff of one of the hotels you stayed at during your last tour that is going to testify that you and Elle slept together in the same room. Only you can testify that nothing ever happened between you two."

"He had a blade with him right there on the street, that's premeditation! It's not like he saw us and attacked us with something he grabbed off of the street! Isn't that enough?"

Ashley shrugs, "The lawyers don't want to take the risk."

There's a long silence as Ashley and Rachel both watch Santana for her reaction. In turn the Latina has her head in both her hands and is apparently sobbing, her body shaking even though she's not making any sound.

Suddenly Santana bolts to her feet, shaking her head from side to side. All she can manage is "I can't" before she bolts from the room.

* * *

"How is she?" Ashley asks.

"Pretty much catatonic as far as I can tell." Rachel says.

Rachel had followed Santana through the apartment and had found her curled up in her bed with the covers up over her head and her sweater discarded on the floor. Rachel had perched on the edge of the bed and ran her hand over where she thought the Latina's back was and whispered reassuring words to her. But it appeared to Rachel that the Latina wasn't even aware, there was no sound and no movement even when Rachel pulled the cover down off of the Latina's head.

Santana's eyes were open but she wasn't looking at anything, just staring blankly into the middle distance without even blinking and her face totally expressionless. She let Rachel touch her, the diva ran her fingers over Santana's cheeks wiping away some of the tears the other girl had loosed, but she didn't respond at all. The effect made Rachel uneasy.

She had thought of climbing into bed behind Santana and holding her until she woke up from whatever stupor she was currently in, but in all honesty she didn't think that would achieve anything or that the Latina would even know she was there. Besides, she needed to find out more about what was going on from Ashley so that she could help Santana when that help was useful.

"Do you think I should call Britt?" Ashley asks.

"What do you mean?"

Ashley looks at her in confusion, "Oh, I thought Santana said you knew."

"Apparently not everything so you better fill me in." When Ashley looks dubious Rachel sighs, "Look, I'm not just some random lay she dragged home for a roll in the hay. Santana saved me from a bad situation, she's been looking after me, even letting me move in here and is helping me get back on my feet." Rachel shrugs "And I don't even know why because the last time we saw each other, back in high school, she absolutely hated me."

"She never hated you." Ashley says suddenly then snaps her mouth shut and looks guilty.

"My point" Rachel said in a tone that indicated they were going to talk about what Ashley had just said at some later time, "is that she's helped me in the last few weeks much more than I can ever hope to pay her back. And now she needs my help and I'm going to be here to help her. But I need to know what's going on."

Ashley looks at Rachel for a long time then sighs, "How much do you know? Just to avoid repeating stuff" she asks. Rachel gives her an outline and then Ashley fills her in on the rest.

"They were close as you said. I never talked to Santana about it but I always thought they had a sexual relationship and honestly I couldn't have cared less, Santana was a different person after she met Elle. She went from depressed, angry and volatile to…" she thinks for a moment for the right word then shrugs, "happy. If they weren't in a relationship like you say, then sisters would be about the best descriptions. They were like twins you know, you couldn't keep them apart if you tried. Not that anyone with half a brain wanted to, except that once when Santana had to threaten to stop working."

"She told me about that." Rachel confirms with a nod.

Ashley nods, "I was with them on the sidewalk, it's my job to make sure everything goes according to plan on visits like that. And frankly Santana scared the hell out of me that day. I mean I get it, she had just held someone she loves as they died, but she went from screaming for help and sobbing over Elle to what I can only describe as a murderous rage like someone flipped a switch. It was lucky the security guards were there to hold her back, which took three of them, or she'd be the one on trial for murder because she looked like she was going to rip him apart with her bare hands."

The assistant stood and started pacing the living room. "When she calmed down from that she went back to what she was like before meeting Elle and I think that was more unsettling because she didn't seem to be grieving for someone she had professed to love."

"Everyone handles death in different ways." Rachel offers.

"But that's the point, she wasn't handling it. It was like it had never happened, like she's never met Elle. She didn't take the photos down or anything, but I don't think she ever looked at them either." Ashley shakes her head as she remembers, "Then we got to the funeral. She had a stuff she wanted to say, I'd helped her write it down so she could remember everything, but when it came time for her to speak she couldn't go up there and in the end I read it for her. She just spent the whole service staring at the casket and then she collapsed at the cemetery. Literally."

Ashley turns towards Rachel, "You have to understand, she hadn't cried a tear since we'd dragged her away from that spot on the sidewalk, it was as if nothing had happened. Right until the first handful of dirt hit the coffin lid. We brought her back here and she went straight to bed and stayed there for weeks just hugging that photo of them she keeps on the bedside cabinet. I couldn't get her to get up and I could hardly get her to eat, she lost so much weight that I started to get really worried so I called the only person I knew who might be able to help."

"Brittany" Rachel guesses.

Ashley nods, "They had broken up before Santana met Elle but they had kept in touch so Britt knew what Elle had meant to her and frankly I didn't know what else to do. She brought Quinn with her and they stayed for months and slowly Santana got better. Sort of. When they finally went back to LA she was up and about. She wasn't singing or writing and she spent a lot of time just staring into space, but was taking care of herself at least. And then, a couple of months later she decided to go looking for you. That was the first time I ever saw her passionate about anything since Elle's death."

Rachel nods, not entirely surprised that Santana had look for someone to reach out to when she'd lost someone she was so attached to. Especially if, as Ashley said, Santana never really hated her.

"So tell me about the trial."

"There's not much more to tell than what you already know." Ashley shrugs, "The guy was remanded without bail thankfully, and Santana was promised it was an open and shut case so she wouldn't have to testify, wouldn't have to re-live whole thing. But he's claiming Elle and he were in a relationship and Santana stole her away from him which made him loose his mind."

"Even so" Rachel says, "It should still be a pretty solid case. He did kill her after all."

"I guess it's the difference between him ending up in a hospital or a cell." Ashley says, "The lawyers don't want to take the risk that he might get away with only a few years under some doctors care." Ashley pauses for a moment as if thinking things over, then she drops down onto a sofa (not the one Santana and Rachel had been using earlier). "That's it really."

Rachel considers her next question carefully, "Why do you think Santana never hated me?"

Ashley suddenly looks uncomfortable, "I really don't think that's something I should talk about Rachel. Obviously you and her are pretty close" Ashley couldn't help smile at Rachel's blush, "But I'm sure you wouldn't want me to share any confidences you trusted me with."

Rachel decides not to push the point.

* * *

"Hi Santana!" Britt's bubbly voice comes down the line and takes Rachel back to her days at high school, "How are you and Rach doing? Getting your sweet lady kisses on yet?"

"Err Britt, it's Rachel here." She didn't have Britt's number so she had borrowed Santana's mobile phone to make the call. That might have been a bad idea.

"Oh! Hi Rach!" Britt's just as bubbly, "How are you and San doing? Getting your sweet lady kisses on yet?"

Apparently it didn't matter all that much, but that was Britt for you.

"San isn't doing so well Britt." Rachel admits, "And I need your advice."

There's a long silence, "Has she gone all quiet and scary again?"

"Yeah Britt." Rachel sighs.

"What happened?"

Rachel explains the situation to the blonde and is surprised when Britt seems to be able to follow everything without any problem.

"I was worried about that" Britt admitted, "A temporary insanity defense was the logical way for his lawyer to get a reduced sentence."

Rachel blinks in surprise but decides not to comment. "What can I do Britt?"

"The most important thing is to make sure she knows your there for her, for whatever she needs whether it's to cry on your shoulder, sleep in your arms or do other things." Britt sounds a little uncomfortable at this point and Rachel makes a questioning noise. The blonde sighs, "Santana has always been a very sexual person and sometimes, when her head gets messed up, it serves as an outlet for her. Something to do with the endorphins from her release I think. You don't need to worry, she won't hurt you, even in that state she's a very gentle lover."

"You slept with her?" Rachel asks and she can't help the spike of jealously in her chest.

"I did." Britt confirms calmly "I wasn't with Quinn back then so it wasn't a problem. I guess if you aren't ready or able to help her like that I could visit New York again."

"But you're with Quinn now!" Rachel almost shouts down the phone.

"Remember Quinn saw the state Santana was in when we got there and it scared both of us. I'm pretty sure she would have done it herself if I hadn't been there. They don't think I know about their sweet lady kisses at Mr Shue's wedding but I do."

"About what?!" Rachel interrupts, she hasn't heard about this before.

"A long story for another time I think Rach. But we'd both do anything for Santana so I don't think it would be a problem, though I would have to ask her obviously."

"Um, let me see what I can do first okay?" Rachel says, "And do you have any more advice?"

"So you are getting your sweet lady kisses on! I'm so happy for you two." Britt sounds really excited so Rachel doesn't correct her, though actually when she thinks about it, Britt is probably right. "Any other advice."

"Well, you can get her to eat when she's in that state but you'll pretty much have to feed her. Sit her up on the bed and start with soup or something similar. She might fight you to begin with or just sit there and not open her mouth, but eventually she'll be hungry enough. And if she's not eating and you're getting worried, don't be scared to lay a guilt trip on her. All I needed to do was sniffle a little and she'd eat, but you might have fake cry a little or something but you're an actress so I don't think it'll be a problem for you. When she starts feeding herself you can start getting her moving. Make her go to the dining room or living room to eat but don't try and force her to talk about anything, just keep telling her you're there when she wants to talk and eventually she will."

They remain on the phone for some time, Britt supplying an impressive amount of advice, and when they eventually hang up, Rachel feels a little less worried.


	16. Chapter 16

Rachel needed a break, she needed to get out of the apartment for a while, which is why she's now climbing up the stairs from a metro station and making her way to Central Park. She had spent the last week looking after Santana, trying to guide the Latina back out of the depression that the news Ashley had brought had sent her into. She didn't begrudge a moment of it though, Santana had done way more for her in the past few weeks than she could ever repay, but she hadn't been out of the apartment at all in the last week and she was used to going out every day even if only for a short walk.

Her days were spent coaxing Santana to eat, trying to get her out of bed for even a few minutes, watching movies and listening to music with the Latina that Rachel didn't know if she was actually paying attention too and promising the Latina that she was willing to listen as soon as Santana was ready to talk. Her nights were spent holding the other girl as she slept and occasionally as she sobbed while clutching the photo of herself and Elle that usually sat on the bedside cabinet.

The one time Rachel had offered the same sort of intimate assistance that Britt had supplied previously, the Latina had said the only sentence Rachel had heard since she had taken to her room.

"I'm not going to use you like that, you're too important…"

Rachel knew that the sentence hadn't been completed, the way Santana had snapped her mouth shut suddenly and turned away had been enough proof of that, but she had been unable to coax anything further out of the other girl.

Ashley had been over at the apartment from early morning until late at night too, looking out for Rachel as much as Rachel had been looking out for Santana. It had been Ashley that suggested that Rachel get some fresh air, take a few hours to relax and do something other than look after the Latina, while she looked after her boss. Rachel had been hesitant at first, but eventually agreed but only because Santana had picked that moment to make the first uncoerced expedition from her bedroom to the kitchen.

As Britt had explained, Santana had pretty much shutdown the first few days not even making any effort to feed herself, but she hadn't fought when Rachel had spooned some soup and later some softer food into her mouth. Day four had seen Santana take the tray from Rachel at both lunch and dinner time and actually feed herself. On days five Rachel had managed to persuade Santana to eat her lunch and dinner in the kitchen with Ashley and herself and on day six she had even managed to get Santana to curl up on a sofa in the living room with her and watch a movie after they had eaten.

But today had been the first day Santana had left her room of her own accord and so Rachel had thought it acceptable that she take a little time for herself. That and going stir crazy and snappy wouldn't help Santana at all. She considered going back to the little park that she had, until recently, spent so much time sitting on a bench in but it had too many links to her past and the thought of going back there felt too much like sliding back into her previous life, even though the park had been her refuge at the time.

So Central Park it was and dressed in one of the dresses Santana had chosen for her during their very first shopping trip together, she didn't feel out of place with all the beautiful people that seemed to populate the most popular park in the city. She was doing her favourite thing, sitting on the bench people watching as the city walked past her, laughing at the kids running around and causing havoc, smiling at the couples so lost in each other that the rest of the world may as well not existed and frowning at the mine that decided not to take the hint and go away until she threated to tell a passing police officer that he was harassing her.

She had only gotten up from her bench to make her way to one of the many food carts near the park to get something to eat when she felt hungry and then she decided to walk. Randomly following paths winding throughout the park with no real destination or desire in mind. Pausing for a few minutes on Bow Bridge to watch the boaters glide past on the water below and grab an ice cream from a nearby vendor, lying on the grass and watched the few clouds that dotted the sky float past and stopping to watch the end of a game of chess even though she had no idea what was going on.

She finds the magazine on a news stand as she leaves the park heading for a nearby metro station to start the short journey back to their apartment to check in on Santana and Ashley. At first she's excited, the magazines are stacked so she can only see half of the cover but Santana's picture and first name jump off of the paper at her. It's the first time she's seen the girl featured on a cover, or at least the first time she's realised who she's looking at, and she's interested in finding out why they put her on the cover.

Rachel waits impatiently in the short queue before the person in the kiosk is ready to serve her. She points at the magazine in question, unable to see its name because of how it was stacked.

"Which one?" the girl serving in the kiosk asks.

"The one with Santana Lopez on the front." Rachel says.

That seems to do the trick because a few moments later she's walking away from the kiosk frowning down at the magazine she's now holding. It's not a magazine she would normally buy, it's not even a magazine she would read if board senseless in the waiting room of a doctor that was currently running an hour late on their appointments. It was the kind of magazine that was full of candid paparazzi snapshots, gossip, rumours and downright lies.

And Santana was on the front cover with her arm around the waist of a slim brunette who the magazine was describing as "Santana's Mystery Girl." Rachel recognised the sweater Santana was wearing in the picture. It was the one she had worn the day she had gone to NYADA to talk to them about letting Rachel back into the school. It was the one she was wearing they day they had…

Rachel blinks back the tears as she looks down at the picture on the front of the magazine, the hickey that she had left on the side of Santana's neck blown up and shown in great detail. NYADA. Santana had met someone at NYADA and then come home and…

And done absolutely nothing wrong.

It strikes Rachel in a sudden moment of clarity. It had been her that had started to entertain feelings about the girl that has basically saved her life. It had been her that morning that had climbed back on top of the still half asleep Latina. It had been her that threw herself at Santana, more or less literally, when she had been given the news about school.

Sure Santana had stopped her for a moment, making sure Rachel wasn't doing it because she thought she was obligated to do so, but the Latina had always been a player even back when she had been with Brittany and she was a star now. She had accepted the offer of what she probably thought was no strings attached sex from a friend, maybe even thought she was helping the diva by doing it, and Rachel now had to accept that the Latina didn't return her fledgling feelings.

Rachel was in the friend's zone.

She wasn't a replacement for Elle, she's pretty sure she's done stuff with and to Santana that Elle never had and they share a history that Santana never had with the girl she considered her sister, but she was a companion for the Latina none the less. Santana probably had girls and boys throwing themselves at her all the time on tour and when she went out and it was inevitable that she'd hook up with some of them and if Santana wanted to hook up with or maybe even have something more with this mystery brunette then Rachel wasn't going to stand in the way of her happiness.

Seeing the Latina with the other girl would hurt of course, she can already feel the fingers or pain closing around her heart. For a moment she seriously thinks about finding her own place, leaving Santana behind and setting out on her own again. The Latina had cared enough about her to make sure she could do that if she ever felt the need and still make it through college. But the thought of being alone without even Santana's friendship was too frightening, too much like a step back into the sort of situation that the Latina had saved her from, that she discarded the idea almost as soon as it occurred.

Besides, she owed Santana so much and brunette or not, the Latina needed someone too and Ashley wasn't going to be enough. It seemed that she had the same skill as Brittany, the ability to drag Santana out of even the worse funk and she couldn't walk out on her right now in her time of need.

She looks down at the magazine in her hands and is surprised to find it crumpled up in her vice like grip. It takes some effort to open her fingers and she takes one last look at Santana and the other girl on the cover and blinks back the tears as she dumps the magazine in a nearby trash can before turning to head home.

She wasn't going to fall apart right here on a New York sidewalk.

* * *

"Santana? Ashley? I'm back." Rachel calls as she closes the apartment door behind her.

"Did you have a good time?" Ashley calls from the living room and Rachel is immediately alert at the forced pleasant tone in the assistant's voice.

"I spent most of the time in Central Park" she says walking through to find Ashley sitting on a sofa and no sign of Santana. "People watching mostly."

Rachel crosses to the sofa opposite Ashley, the one she and Santana had… She mentally shakes herself, she can't think about that right now. Instead she turns her eyes on Santana's assistant. The girl looks torn, as if she's trying to decide between two courses of action that are just as bad as each other.

"Where's Santana?" Rachel asks.

"In her room."

"How is she?"

"Pretty much the same as this morning. She came out at lunch time to eat and she grabbed her laptop. She said she was going to watch something on Netflix."

Obviously Santana wasn't the immediate problem.

"So what's problem?" Rachel asks, "You look like someone threatened to kick your puppy."

Ashley's head drops into her hands. "The label called. The lawyers need Santana in to talk about her testimony by the end of next week at the latest. They want her on the stand early the next week."

That gave them about a week and a half to get Santana back in a fit state to testify. It wasn't impossible, as long as this new news didn't send her catatonic again, but it wasn't going to be easy.

"Have you told her?" Rachel asks. She sighs when Ashley shakes her head, "Okay. Leave it to me."

"You don't have to…" Ashley starts but Rachel can already see the gratitude in the assistant's eyes.

There's no time like the present so Rachel heads down the short corridor to Santana's room, knocking on the door and sticking her head around to door to find Santana sitting on her bed leaning against the headboard with her laptop resting on her knees. The Latina looks up and pats the bed beside her to indicate that Rachel should join her, which the diva does.

"What are you watching?" Rachel asks.

"Thelma and Louise."

A film about two best friends with a rather tragic ending, that figures.

"San, I have some… news."

Rachel's tone must have warned Santana because she closes the laptop, automatically sending it to sleep, and places it on the floor next to the bed before she turns to the other girl expectantly.

"The lawyers want a meeting at the end of next week to talk about you testifying" Rachel says, "with the intention of doing it the week after."

Santana sits motionless for a few moments then nods once before she slips down under the covers and curls into a ball. Rachel kicks off her shoes then slips under the covers, not caring about it made of her dress, to hold the other girl.

"Do you want to talk about it?" she asks kindly.

Santana shakes her head, "Anything else."

"Sorry?"

"Talk about something else, anything else."

Rachel is relieved that the Latina isn't going catatonic at least. "The day you went to NYADA…" The words escape before she knows what she was saying and she slams her mouth shut before the question can be asked, she does not want to talk about "Mystery Girl" right now.

Or at all really.

"Hmmm?" Santana asks.

Rachel casts about looking for some way to continue the question that didn't involve the photo on the cover of that magazine. And then, thank god, it comes to her.

"You said there were some conditions for me to get back into college?"

"Oh yeah, I guess I should have told you." Santana says, "It's nothing too bad. You have to start from the beginning of second year again, so the fall semester this year. They want full payment of the tuition fees for your remaining years up front and if anyone asks you didn't drop out, you took a year out with their permission because of personal reasons. They don't want anyone else to find out they let someone who dropped out back in, no matter the reason."

"The fee's thing is a little much." Rachel says.

"It's not an issue." Santana says, "Oh, and you have to audition for Carmen in mid-July."

"Mid-July?" Rachel gasps, "That's only a few months away! I need to find a voice coach."

"Talk to Ashley, she should have a list of good ones." Santana suggests.


	17. Chapter 17

"Santana Maria Lopez. Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God?"

Rachel has to concentrate to avoid grinning at Santana. She had always thought that there was no way the Latina's middle name could be Diablo as she had claimed back at high school, but to have it confirmed on court so Santana couldn't claim afterwards that her given middle name wasn't Maria was priceless. The diva is sitting behind the prosecution's table in the otherwise empty public section of the court, empty because the public had been excluded and the video camera's turned off. That and Rachel's presence in the court room, since normally she wouldn't be allowed to be there if the court had been closed, was one of the conditions that Santana had demanded for her testimony.

The last two weeks had been trying for everyone involved. As Rachel had expected, Santana had reverted a little after she had told the Latina about the appointment with the lawyers and Rachel had spent pretty much every night holding the other girl as she cried herself to sleep and then woke sometimes thrashing and sometimes screaming from a nightmare that seemed to come back every night. Some nights the dream seemed to be more intense than others and those night Rachel was sure that Santana lay awake for the rest of the night even if Rachel herself managed to let sleep claim her again.

Santana always refused to talk about the dreams, but Rachel could guess what they were. The Latina reliving that moment when her best friend, her sister for all intents and purposes, was murdered in cold blood while saving Santana's own life. Rachel was pretty sure that if she had seen that, she would never even attempt to fall asleep again.

The meeting with the lawyers grew from its original few hours on Thursday morning to a two day marathon that left Rachel and especially Santana exhausted. The Latina's nightmares seemed to be worse on those two days and when Santana was ready to leave for the meeting on Friday she hadn't even bothered to put on makeup since most of it had washed away by the time she had arrived home on Thursday, instead covering her bloodshot and puffy eyes with dark glasses.

Rachel was extremely proud of her friend, it was obvious how much it hurt Santana to re-live that fateful day over and over again and yet she was determined to make sure the man that had murdered her friend received every little bit of the punishment he was due. It was that determination, that drive to see justice done and in a little way avenge her friend, that allowed Santana to take the stand this morning despite everything she had been through and knowing that she would have to re-live the attack once more and worse, with the knowledge that some two bit asshole defense lawyer was going to do his best to make everyone believe it was somehow all her fault.

Rachel wasn't fooled by the heavy makeup that Santana was wearing to hide the toll that the stress of the last few weeks had taken upon her and even if Rachel hadn't been able to see through that, the constant glances the Latina sent her way, as if ensuring that the diva was still in her seat, from the moment she had been called into the court room was a bit of a giveaway.

The initial testimony pretty much went according to the plan that Santana and the lawyers had planned the previous week. They established the facts as Santana had witnessed them, sticking to the events of the day and not trying to preempt anything then defense lawyer was going to come up with, they didn't want to be seen as the ones that had brought up the topics that they were pretty sure were going to come up during cross-examination, instead opting to debunk and refute them during redirect.

But all too soon it was time for the prosecution lawyer to take his seat and for the defense to start their cross-examination. Rachel already didn't like the little man that was acting for the defendant, she wasn't sure if that was because of what he was doing or because of the smarmy impression he had already given her, but she didn't really care, she didn't like him and that was enough for her.

Rachel catches Santana's eye as the Latina glances her way as the lawyer stands from his desk and the diva sends Santana what she hopes is a reassuring look.

He started off slowly of course, spending the first forty five minutes or so going over pretty much the same territory that Santana's own lawyer had gone over with her, which didn't make much sense to Rachel as he didn't seem to be achieving anything with that time and if he thought he could lull Santana into a false sense of security, he had another thought coming. Someone who might not know Santana would probably not notice, but Rachel could tell that the Latina was on full alert, examining every question in detail before answering and Rachel was pretty sure that she saw the lawyer swallow nervously a couple of times when he found Santana's intense gaze leveled on him.

"Ms Lopez, can you tell me how you became acquainted with Ms Shapira?"

Rachel's eyes shoot over to the lawyer and back to Santana, she hadn't heard Elle's surname before this point and she's a little surprised to find out that the young woman was apparently Jewish like herself. But then Santana has never really cared about the color of someone's skin, where they come from or what they believe. Even back in the days where the Latina picked on Rachel and made comments about her nose it was mostly about its shape and size, not its Jewish origins.

"She was assigned to me as a Personal Assistant by my recording label." Santana says evenly.

"Did you already have a personal assistant at this point?" the lawyer asks.

"Yes."

"And was that personal assistant reassigned when Ms Shapira was assigned to you?"

"No."

The lawyer made a hmmm noise, "But Ms Shapira took over most if not all of the duties required by your personal assistant?"

"No."

"So what exactly were her responsibilities?"

"She looked after me." Santana said curtly.

There was a pause while the lawyer was apparently waiting for Santana to elaborate, but she didn't give him the satisfaction so he had to ask. "And how exactly did she look after you?"

Santana actually rolled her eyes at that. "Being on tour is stressful, performing every night to thousands or tens of thousands of people. You have to give it all on the stage, night after night after night, because no performer worth the title wants to give their paying fans a sub-standard show. And when you're a solo act, like me, the focus is on you constantly, people pay to see you and there's no one else to share the spotlight or the responsibility with. It's easy to forget things, like what day it is, what city you're in or even when to eat. Elle looked after me, she made sure I got enough sleep, she made sure that I got enough to eat, she made sure people stayed away from me when I was in a bad mood or just needed some time alone, she could cheer me up when I was feeling down, help me to relax when I was stressed and calm me down when I freaked out about something. Without her I would have burnt out a dozen times."

By the end of her speech Santana was already blinking back the tears that threatened to spill from her eyes and Rachel feels very much like she's about to join her friend. Santana had never elaborated on what Elle actually did for her so Rachel was a little surprised how much the Latina had apparently leaned on the other girl during her tours. It made her worry slightly about what Santana would do during her inevitable next tour.

"When you first met Ms Shapira, were you aware she had a boyfriend?"

"She didn't have a boyfriend." Santana said with certainty.

"And how did you know that?" Rachel grimaced at the lawyers condescending tone.

"She told me. We were only a few weeks from the start of a tour when she was assigned to me and we were going to be gone for months. I knew it was the first time she would be away for any length of time and I warned her it would put stress on whatever relationship she may have and gave her the opportunity to change her mind about coming. She told me in no uncertain terms that she was single."

"She couldn't have lied to you for her own gain?"

Santana gave the lawyer a curious look, "What exactly could she have gained from lying about a relationship?"

"Maybe she thought you would fire her if you thought her relationship might be harmed by going away for so long. Could she have lied to you?"

Santana shakes her head, "I told her it was her choice if she came or not and anyway, I don't have the authority to fire her, the label employed her not me. But yes, it is theoretically possible that she lied, though I don't believe for a second that she did."

The lawyer nods, "Ms Lopez, is it common knowledge that you are a lesbian?"

Rachel saw Santana stiffen immediately and if looks could kill, the lawyer would have been ash within moments of finishing the question.

"I don't broadcast the fact, but it's not a secret either."

"So Ms Shapira would have known?"

"Probably."

"Only probably?"

"I don't recall if she knew when we first met, but like I said it's no secret and Elle is…" Santana pauses for a moment and takes a breath, "was always very observant. She certainly knew within a few weeks of the start of the tour."

The lawyer nods again "What is your position about entering a relationship with one of your employees?"

"Excuse me?" Santana said her surprise obvious.

"If you had feelings for one of your employees and they returned those feelings, would you have any reservations about entering a relationship with that?"

"I don't have any employees. Most of the people I work with are employed by, or contracted to the recording label."

"Then under the specified circumstances of mutual attraction, would you be willing to enter into such a relationship with an employee of your recording label?"

Santana shrugs, "I've never considered it."

The lawyer returns to his pacing back and forth, "Were you aware that your recording label has some quite specific anti-fraternization rules for its employees."

"No."

"No?"

"I'm not an employee; I'm a signed artist, so I've never had reason read the handbook."

"So you are not subject to those rules?" the lawyer asks.

"Correct."

"So it would be possible that Ms Shapira lied about her relationship status if she wished to pursue a relationship with you, which wouldn't be against her terms of employment, and thought you might reject her if you knew she had a boyfriend?"

"Objection!" Santana's lawyer springs up from his table, "Conjecture. The witness cannot know what Ms Shapira's intentions were, if any, if they were never discussed."

The lawyer for the defense turns to the judge, "Your Honor, Ms Lopez apparently spent many months in Ms Shapira's company and admitted herself that they knew each other well. I'm not asking for Ms Shapira's intention, only if it was possible in Ms Lopez opinion that she had lied."

The judge considers this for a moment, "Objection denied, but the jury will note that Ms Lopez answer is only her opinion."

Santana is literally sitting staring at the lawyer with her mouth open, she is so shocked by what the lawyer is suggesting. His questioning "Ms Lopez?" brings her back to the here and now.

"Elle never expressed any interest in me or in having a relationship like that with me."

"But it would be possible?" the lawyer pressed.

Santana tried not to sigh and let her shoulders slump, "Yes."

"Ms Lopez, if I could draw your attention to the screen the technicians are going to display a series of photos."

When the first photo flashes up on the screen, Rachel watches Santana actually shudder as she saw a picture of her best friend. The screen shows a sequence of photos of Elle, some including Santana, some alone and some with other people that may have been crew or fans. Every picture included a young man that Rachel had come to know as the man that had killed Elle.

"These photos were all taken in the last few years after Ms Shapira was assigned to you. If Ms Shapira wasn't in a relationship with the defendant, can you explain why he showed up in so many pictures of her and yourself?"

Santana watches the images scroll past two more times and then Rachel is surprised when the Latina actually smiles. "He's stalking her, or possibly me."

The lawyer is obviously surprised by this conclusion, "Explain" he demands.

"We take hundreds of pictures every at every event, maybe thousands. And not just us but paparazzi and fans too. In every one of these pictures we're either all standing in a public space, I recognize Times Square and Central Park for two, or he's in the crowd. He's never with her, he's never talking to her or holding her hand and she's never even looking his way. If even one of those maybe millions of pictures taken at our events actually showed them together, I don't believe you would have omitted it from this slideshow which means such a photo doesn't exist and what you are trying to use to prove a relationship only proves the absolute opposite."

Apparently Santana's powers of observation and deduction have surprised the lawyer as he spins away from the Latina and the jury, but Rachel sees and takes pride in the look of anger on the lawyer's features.

"Ms Lopez, is it normal for artists to share their rooms while on tour?"

Santana shrugs, "I don't know, I can't speak for any other artist."

"Before Ms Shapira was assigned to you, was it normal for you to share a room with anyone else?"

"No."

"But after she was assigned to you, did you or did you not share your room and indeed your bed with Ms Shapira on a regular basis? Did it not in fact become so common that your label stopped even bothering to book a separate room for Ms Shapira because they knew she wouldn't be using it?"

"Yes, but…" Santana began.

The lawyer interrupts, starting to throw out questions almost as fast as Santana could answer them, cutting the Latina off from a more detailed answer every time.

"Was Ms Shapira called up in front of a disciplinary hearing because the recording label was worried about possible inappropriate behavior between her and yourself?"

"Yes…"

"Did the recording label not decide to reassign Ms Shapira to avoid any possible issues due to how close the two of you were?"

"Yes…"

"Did you not threaten to break your contract with the record company if they reassigned Ms Shapira?"

"No." Santana almost shouted.

"No? Ms Lopez I'll remind you that you are under oath and we have already heard from witnesses that made exactly that threat."

Santana takes a calming breath, "I did not threaten to break my contract. I had already fulfilled all of the clauses relating to producing songs and albums, public appearances and so on. The only thing left was duration so I told them I wouldn't produce anything new until the end of my contract and I wouldn't renew it when it expired. I was not threatening to break anything!"

"But you did take drastic measures to ensure that Ms Shapira was not assigned to another artist and taken away from you? Correct?"

Rachel can actually see Santana slump slightly in her seat and hear the tinge of defeat in her tone when she says "Yes."

"Ms Lopez, I put it to you that, whether or not you knew about her relationship with the defendant, you were participating in a secret relationship with Ms Shapira, that the pair of you were lovers and that you slept together on a regular basis."

"No!" Santana declares but the lawyer isn't listening.

"I'm done with this witness Your Honor."

The judge nods as the lawyer returns to his table and addresses the prosecution first chair, "Mr Stamford, do you wish to redirect?"

"Yes Your Honor" he says as he rises to his feet and crosses to stand near Santana.

"Ms Lopez, exactly what was your personal relationship with Ms Shapira?"

"She was my friend, my best friend. She was like the sister I never had. She understood me better than almost anyone else has ever done in my life."

"And you loved her?" the lawyer asks.

This was a question they had agreed on during their meetings of the last week and Santana nods, "Yes I did, I do. I'm not ashamed to say I love her. But I'm not in love with her and I never was, there is a big difference there."

"Ms Lopez, you admitted that Ms Shapira and you often shared a bed. Were you ever intimate?"

Santana shakes her head, "When I said we shared a bed or that we slept together I meant exactly that. Two people in a bed only for the purpose of sleeping. We never had sex, we never even French kissed or did anything you would consider intimate. She'd hold me if I was feeling down and vice versa, but nothing more."

"Did Ms Shapira ever give you any indication she was attracted to you?"

"No."

"Did Ms Shapira ever give you any indication she wanted to be physically intimate with you?"

"No."

"Did you ever say or do anything that could have given Ms Shapira the impression you were interested in entering a relationship with her?"

"No."

"You said Ms Shapira explicitly told you that she wasn't in a relationship, did she ever do anything or say anything to suggest she might actually be in one?"

"No."

"Thank you Ms Lopez." The lawyer says as he returns to his table.

* * *

Getting Santana out of the court room was rather tricky, the paparazzi were everywhere and sadly there wasn't a back door available they could use. Luckily they had Santana's security detail to guide them out to the car and Rachel wasn't too worried about being recognized given the large hoodie and dark glasses she wore that matched Santana's. Still she was happy when they finally arrived home.

Santana went directly to her room but Rachel detoured to the kitchen to make the Latina something to eat, she hadn't felt like anything before the visit to the court and so basically hadn't eaten all day. It only takes fifteen minutes to put something suitable together for both of them and Rachel carries the tray through to Santana's bedroom.

Where she find the girl in the middle of a whirlwind of clothes.

"W-what's going on?" Rachel asks uncertainly.

"I'm going away for a while" Santana says as she pauses in the middle of digging through a pile of clothes, "I-I need to get out of the city."

"Okay." Rachel says slowly, "Where are you going?"

"LA. I've called Quinn and she said I could stay with her and Britt for a while. There's a plane in an hour and a half" the Latina says as she checks her watch.

Rachel doesn't know how to respond to this revelation and ends up watching open mouthed as Santana swiftly packed her suitcases. Within what felt like minutes but was closer to half an hour, the Latina was heading out of the apartment door to catch her ride to the airport, pausing only to say a quick goodbye to Rachel and accompany the farewell with a chaste kiss to the diva's cheek.

The thing that upsets Rachel the most, as she sits on the sofa later that night looking at a text message from Santana letting her know she had arrived safely, was that the Latina hadn't even thought to invite Rachel to join her.


	18. Chapter 18

Rachel dragged herself along the sidewalk with barely the strength to put one foot in front of the other and wishes that she had thought to call for Santana's town car rather than walking back from the practice studio. She had thrown herself into a rigorous schedule of vocal exercises, practices and lessons not only to prepare herself for her NYADA audition but to distract her from the very obvious hole in her life that had been left by the unexpected exit of a certain Latina after she gave testimony at the court case.

Honestly Rachel could understand why Santana had felt the need to get out of the city, if she had been in the same position she probably would never come back here, but her hurt at being left behind without any apparent consideration was soon overshadowed by the loneliness she felt without Santana's constant companionship.

It's not that she's really alone. Santana's person assistant seems to spend most of her time working out of the small office in the apartment and had been over pretty much every day, occasionally even having a meal ready for Rachel when she came back from her practice sessions. It seemed as if Ashley was paying as much attention to Rachel's schedule as she did to Santana's which was kind of nice even if it was totally unnecessary. And she has her practices which get her out of the apartment a lot, and there's Santana's driver and the building doorman if she's desperate for company.

Rachel hadn't realized how much of her life currently revolved around the Latina.

The first few days had been the worst. With Santana gone there was no reason she couldn't sleep in her own room for the first time in weeks, except she found she couldn't. At night she tossed and turned in her bed getting only a few hours of sleep before spending the day worn out, exhausted and irritable to the point of even falling asleep on the sofa a few times. In the end she gave up and made the short walk from her bedroom to Santana's to sleep surrounded by the Latina's things and scent.

The first night she gave in to temptation to return to Santana's bed was the best night's sleep she had since the other girl had left. It still wasn't as good as when Santana was there with her though.

It's not that they hadn't talked either. They texted and spoke on the phone regularly and had even taken the opportunity to Skype once or twice. And Rachel had been talking to Quinn regularly and even Britt occasionally ever since Quinn had headed back to LA. But Rachel hadn't mentioned how hurt she had been by the Latina's sudden departure. At first it was because she could still tell that the Latina was hurting from the court case and from the loss of someone who was pretty much her sister. Later she was just too embarrassed and too worried about being considered clingy to actually mention it.

But at least Santana seemed to be feeling better. Gone were the bags that had hung under her eyes immediately before she left and Rachel thought she was looking a lot more relaxed and a little more tanned too. Quinn had confirmed that the Latina had been spending plenty of time on the beach since she had arrived and even if Quinn hadn't told her, Rachel had seen the sneakily taken candid photos of Santana lounging on the sand or walking at the edge of the sea in the gossip magazines that Ashley insisted on buying "to keep up to date with what they are saying about Santana, no matter how ridiculous."

Rachel trudges around the last corner onto the block that home is on. She's been working extra hard this last week to make sure everything is perfect for her audition which is now less than twenty four hours away. By this time tomorrow she'll have performed on the NYADA campus for the first time in years and honestly she's feeling pretty nervous about the whole thing. Her voice coach didn't think she would have a problem though, the woman had been blown away with how good Rachel had been and was astonished to find out that the diva hadn't done much more than sing in the shower since she'd dropped out of college.

But right now all Rachel wants to do is soak in the tub for an hour or so and crawl into her bed, or rather Santana's bed, and get a good night's sleep before she has to be at her best for her audition the next afternoon. But there's a commotion ahead and when Rachel pulls her eyes up from the sidewalk to find a bunch of paparazzi outside her apartment block.

It wasn't unusual even when Santana wasn't around, some didn't seem to get the message that the singer was in LA despite the photos and some just seemed to hang around for the hell of it. But they never bothered Rachel because thankfully they still haven't linked her with Santana, assuming she's just another well-off but not famous resident of the apartment block that contained the Latina's apartment.

And they don't bother her this time either, they all seem too involved in whatever discussions they were having with each other or on their phones, and for the first time in years Rachel allows herself to imagine them being there to snatch a photo of her. She climbs the steps to the main door, head full of flashing lights and strangers calling her name, to nod to the doorman before heading to the elevator and the sanctuary of Santana's apartment.

As she steps through the front door Rachel is a little surprised to hear the sound of an active television coming from the living room. She was sure she had turned the set off before she left that morning and Ashley was supposed to be at Santana's label's offices all day, but maybe the personal assistant had come over for some reason.

"Ashley?" Rachel asks as she walks down the short corridor.

When she turns into the living room, it's not Ashley that's looking at her over the back of a sofa.

"Hi Rach."

"S-Santana? You're home?"

Rachel couldn't believe her eyes. Santana was sitting there on the sofa as if she had been there every day for the last few months and not on the other side of the country. But instead of feeling happy that the Latina is back all the frustration, hurt and loneliness she had felt swells to fill her chest.

"I said I'd be back for your audition Rach." Santana replies in a confused tone.

"No you didn't."

"I didn't?" Santana must have seen something in Rachel's face because her expression turns worried, "Rach, are you okay?"

In that moment Rachel breaks and before she knows what she's doing, she's screaming at Santana. "You left! You promised…" she takes a shuddering breath and swallows the sob that is trying to escape her chest, "You promised you wouldn't… and then you did. You just left. You… you left me alone!"

Rachel wants to run over to Santana and thump her fists off of the other girls chest, she wants to run over into the Latina's arms and sob onto her shoulder while Santana's holds her tight but most of all she's embarrassed by her outburst of words and emotion and turns on her heel, wiping awkwardly at the tears that had started rolling down her cheeks as dashes out of the room to lock herself in her bedroom, leaving an astonished Santana standing by the sofa.

* * *

Santana wasn't sure how long she stood there gazing at the end of the short corridor that Rachel had disappeared down before she absently sat back down on the sofa. Rachel's outburst had surprised her, they had spoken many times since she had left for LA and the diva had never seemed to be anything other than happy and determined to do well in her audition. But within moments of them coming face to face Rachel had broken down in tears, yelled at her and ran away. Santana could tell this wasn't just a bad day, the feelings that Rachel had suddenly expressed must have been building for some time.

And the worst part was that it was all her fault.

Rachel was right, she had made the other girl a promise, many promises actually and at the time she had taken every single one of them seriously. She had promised to help Rachel get back on her feet, she had promised to look after her, she had promised to help her get her career back on track Rachel would be the star the diva had always been destined to be and she had even promised that she had better beds in her apartment than the one Rachel used to sleep on.

But the most important promise, the one she had sworn to herself that she would never break, was that she would never leave Rachel alone. Santana knew how scared Rachel was of being alone since the death of her parents and the years of only herself to rely on, and she had promised the girl she would be her for her for as long as Rachel needed her. And she had broken that promise.

Granted she hadn't exactly been in her right mind at the time, the need to get out of the city and away from where her friend had died, away from all the memories of them in both the city and Santana's apartment, had been all encompassing. It was a spur of the moment need that had driven her as far from the city as she could reasonably get as quickly as she could go.

And in the process she hadn't even thought about Rachel.

She'd spent months in LA hanging out with Quinn and Britt, soaking up the sun on the beach and visiting clubs at night. She had even appeared on a couple of talk shows while she was in town and had a cameo on a crime show that happened to be shooting and had heard she was in town. Though it turned out later that her label had called them to arrange the appearance, but still.

And during all that time she hadn't once considered how leaving like that would have hurt the diva. Her chest ached at the thought of how much it must have hurt Rachel to have been left alone, left behind and then to see Santana on the television and in magazines and to talk to her on the phone and not say anything.

It's only a few steps to the diva's bedroom door but Santana doesn't try to walk in. The door was only ever shut as it was now when Rachel wanted privacy and the Latina was pretty sure she'd find it locked, for the first time she could ever think of, if she tried to open it. Instead she knocks softly and waits a beat before calling out to the other girl.

"Rachel?"

After a few moments without a reply she knocks and calls the girl's name again, louder this time but with the same result.

"Rachel? Please Rachel… I'm sorry, I'm so very sorry." She calls through the door, "Rachel?"

There's no response from the other side of the door for the twenty minutes or so that Santana stands in the hallway knocking on the door and calling through it and eventually Santana returns to the living room to slump onto the sofa. A little later she orders take away for dinner and leaves a try outside Rachel's door and when she goes back she's grateful to see the empty try sitting where she had left it. At least Rachel was eating.

Santana is lying in bed that night missing the warmth of Rachel's tiny body pressing against her own and working out every way she could think of to make it up to the girl when her bedroom door clicks open. A few moments later it shuts again and Santana can hear bare feet padding across the room before Rachel's side of the bed dips as another body climbs in. They lie there in silence for a full minute before Rachel speaks.

"Don't think you're off the hook. I just need to get a good night's rest before my audition tomorrow and I can't… I don't sleep as well in my room."

Santana rolls over and pulls the unresisting diva into her arms and whispers her apologies once more before they both fall into a peaceful sleep.

* * *

When Rachel woke the next morning she found herself in a tangle of limbs with Santana. She tries to detangle herself but still sleeping Santana has one arm around her waist and every time Rachel tries to pull away, Santana pulls her back against her body. In the end she has to wait until Santana wakes of her own accord and when the Latina opens her mouth to speak, Rachel brings her finger up to the other girl's lips.

"Not this morning San, I need to stay focused on my audition."

Rachel nods and they go about their morning rituals and before Rachel can get too worked up they are leaving in Santana's town car to head to NYADA. It's quiet enough at the college that Santana doesn't worry about them being seen getting out of the car together and just relies on her hoodie and dark glasses to get into the building and it seems to work because they make it to the audition room without being recognized.

Rachel had the room for an hour before the audition to allow her to warm up and since a pianist wasn't supplied for the practice hour, Santana agreed to play for Rachel. At five minutes passed the start of the audition Rachel was starting to worry since Ms Tibideaux hadn't arrived. By ten minutes past she's frantically checking they were in the right room, the right date and the right time and when the door finally opens at fifteen minutes past the start of the audition to admit Ms Tibideaux, Santana is doing her best to calm Rachel down.

"I apologies for my tardiness." Ms Tibideaux says, "I was attempting to locate another pianist for your audition since the one scheduled to play for you has fallen ill. Unfortunately even in this school we seem to be a little short on experienced performers at the moment so I'll understand if you want to reschedule."

Rachel looks at Santana with wide pleading eyes and the Latina smiles.

"I'll play for you Rach." She reassures the diva before sitting down once again at the piano.

When Rachel gives Santana the nod she starts playing and right on cue Rachel opens her mouth, takes a deep breath and starts to sing.


	19. Chapter 19

Rachel pretty much skipped out of NYADA's main entrance and towards the newly arrived town car that was waiting at the curb. All the hard work and practice she had thrown herself into over the past few months had paid off and she had performed all three songs she had prepared absolutely perfectly, even if she said so herself. Ms Tibideaux rather reluctantly admitted there was nothing wrong with Rachel's performance that was worth commenting on.

Of course that hadn't been enough for the college administrator and she had challenged the diva to sing two songs that she had picked without any preparation time. Luckily both Santana and Rachel knew the songs, one of which happened to be Santana's track with the tricky bit in the middle, and while Rachel felt her performance hadn't been perfect it had still been very good.

Of course Ms Tibideaux was still not convinced and proceeded to quiz Rachel about things she had learned during her first year at the school. Santana had tried to object, this was not after all what they had agreed, but Rachel had placed a restraining hand on Santana's arm and answered every quick-fire question as confidently as if she had spent the previous month reading through all her first year notes again.

Which is pretty much what she had done.

Rachel was always prepared and one of the few personal items she had brought with her was a DVD containing all her notes from her time at the college. She had no idea why she had kept it all these years, but when she'd opened the small shoebox of keepsakes from before the loss of her parents she had found the DVD just as she remembered it still in its case and thankfully unscratched.

Santana had insisted on going directly to the college's main office and arranging payment for Rachel's remaining years at the institution. This had caused some confusion in the office and a number of calls had been placed to various officials before someone called Ms Tibideaux but in the end Rachel had walked away with her acceptance letter and the promise of course details to follow shortly and Santana had walked away with a slightly smaller bank balance.

They make it to the town car without anyone realizing who Santana is, Rachel pops open the door and they both climb in. They are both surprised to find Ashley, Santana's personal assistant, already sitting in the back seat. Rachel is suddenly very aware of how close to Santana she has ended up sitting.

"How did it go Rach?" Ashley asks.

"Perfectly thank you Ashley, just as I expected."

Santana laughs, "Says the girl that spent most of the early hours of the morning tossing and turning."

Ashley looks at the pair questioningly, "So have you two made up then?"

"Not yet." Rachel says after a moment's awkward silence.

Ashley can't help but notice how unhappy Santana looks at this statement but what surprises her is the conflicted look that Rachel wears and the sideways glance the diva gives the other girl. She decides to talk to Rachel about that later.

"So I have some news." Ashley says cautiously, "It's about the trial."

Ashley instantly has the full attention of the other two girls and she has to swallow a grin when she observes that they are suddenly holding each other's hand in a white knuckle grip.

"The lawyers called to say the jury just returned a guilty verdict to the charge of first degree murder. The sentencing is happening next week and the lawyers thought you might want to know… in case you wanted to attend the session."

Rachel turns to look at Santana but the ex-cheerleader is staring out of the window. Rachel glances in the direction Santana is staring and when she doesn't spot anything that could have captured the brunette's attention she leans forward slightly so that she can get a clearer look at the other girl's face. Her expression tells the diva that she's not looking _at_ anything, at least nothing anyone else on the planet can see, but is probably lost in her thoughts or memories. As Rachel watches it is as if Santana suddenly snaps back from wherever she had been.

She ignores Ashley's question completely, "I'm hungry. Who's up for some lunch?"

No one objects so Santana gives the driver instructions and some time later they find themselves back in the private room of the little restaurant that Santana had taken Rachel to the first time they had gone shopping together. The owner greeted all three of them as if they were his own children even remembering Rachel's name though she was sure he must have only heard it once and soon they had plates full of good food in front of them.

They eat pretty much in silence even though they all try to keep the atmosphere light, but any attempt at small talk quickly dies away in the sombre mood that seems to have descended ever since Ashley had mentioned the verdict. In the end it's Rachel that broaches the subject.

She takes a deep breath before she speaks, "Maybe you should go the sentencing Santana."

Santana's head snaps up almost instantly. "Why?" she demands.

"Closure" Rachel explains evenly. "I know this whole thing is painful for you Santana, but if you can see him punished, see him finally put away like he deserves… Well, it won't make things better but it might help you put them behind you."

"It won't be the end though Rach" Santana points out, "You know there's going to be appeals and appeals of appeals. This won't end until it goes all the way to the Supremes."

"The lawyers don't think it'll go that far" Ashely offers, "An appeal certainly but given the evidence and testimony, they don't think it'll succeed."

"But it's not the end." Santana say.

"No" Ashley confirms.

"Then I see no point in going." Santana's tone indicates a finality that wasn't to be argued with.

Ashley excuses herself to head back to her office at the music label's building so it's only Rachel and Santana who climb into the town car to return home. As Rachel turns to head to her bedroom to change out of her carefully chosen audition outfit, Santana's voice causes her to pause.

"Rach? Are we… are we okay?"

Rachel turns back to the other girl, trying to make sense of her current feelings. Part of her want's to forgive Santana for leaving and breaking her promise like she had but a larger part still couldn't bring herself to give the Latina the total trust she had previously offered. Still, she didn't want to hurt Santana more than she had to either.

"Soon" she says before turning and heading to her room leaving a rather dejected looking Santana behind her.

* * *

"How long are you going to make both of you suffer like this?" Ashley asks one morning about a month later as she sits on one of the sofas and watches Rachel who was watching Santana close the apartment door behind her as the Latina leaves for the day.

Rachel had no idea where Santana was going or indeed where she had gone every day for the past three weeks. All she knew was that Santana spent a week pretty much locked in to her music room and then had started leaving early in the morning and usually not coming back until late at night, sometimes even after Rachel had gone to bed.

Her own bed since he hadn't slept in the same bed as Santana since the audition no matter how badly it impacted her ability to actually sleep.

But after a couple of days of barely seeing the other girl, Rachel had started getting up as early as Santana just so they could spend a few minutes together over breakfast, even if they were silent and tension filled minutes. Rachel's days were filled with practice and preparation for going back to NYADA and loneliness.

"I don't know what you mean." Rachel says defensively.

Ashley rolls her eyes, "For the last few days I've seen you staring at that door for a good ten minutes after she walks out of it and I know you're not sleeping very well given those bags under your eyes. Don't you think it's about time you give her and yourself a break, forgiver her for leaving like that and make up with her?"

"I want to" Rachel says looking even more depressed than she had a moment before, "But I don't know how. You have to understand, this was the sort of thing she and Quinn did to me back at high school. They'd pretend to be my friend, or at least tolerate me, and then when I started to trust them they'd play some huge prank on me. That's exactly what this feels like. I trusted her with my whole life and then she just walks away from me. I do want everything to go back to normal but I don't know how to trust her again or even if I can trust her."

"Okay first off, you didn't trust her with your life, you trusted her with your livelihood. There's a big difference there and even then she gave you a combination escape hatch and safety net right?" It's not a question. "She told me about the bank account she gave you."

Rachel nods.

"And she's just paid for your tuition for the remainder of your time at NYADA which means that account has significantly more money in it than its original purpose now requires. Has she asked for any of it back?"

Rachel shakes her head.

"Right. And you can't judge her by her behavior in high school. Pretty much everyone is screwed up for those four years, they don't know who they are or their afraid other people will find out or they are scrabbling to stay on top because their too frightened to handle what it would be like being anywhere else. Santana isn't the same person she was back then. She hid who she was for most of that time and I'll bet she didn't treat you the same way after she came out."

"I guess not." Rachel confirms.

"Then she lost Brittany, found fame, found and lost Elle and then went looking for and found you. All of those things changed her and those are just the stand-out moments, she's had a lot going on in her life over the past few years. She is and yet isn't the same girl that you used to know. She's grown up and I'm pretty sure she'd never intentionally do anything to hurt you. So what did she do?"

"She broke her promise" Rachel says, "She left me alone."

Ashley nods somberly, "Which is a big thing for you after everything that's happened, I get that. But did she really leave you alone?" Rachel blinks at the personal assistant in confusion so Ashley continues, "Did you know she called me when she landed in LA and asked me to check up on you? To make sure you were okay?"

Rachel shakes her head.

"And how often did she call you when she was away."

Rachel shrugs, "Three or four times a week I guess. I never really kept count."

"And texts?"

"Every day."

"And in any of those conversations that you had, did you ever mention how you felt to her?" Ashley asks "Because one thing Santana isn't is a mind reader."

Rachel has enough humility to look ashamed and Ashley nods but doesn't push the point. "And what else has she done for you?"

Rachel looks confused again, "What do you mean?"

"Rachel, Santana has given you a new life. She's given you somewhere to stay, a roof over your head, clothes on your back and three square meals a day in your stomach. She's taken you away from a job you hated but pretty much had no choice but to do and pulled strings to get you a chance to go back to NYADA. Heck she's even paid for your remaining tuition out of her own pocket without complaint."

"Wait…" Rachel interrupts, "She pulled strings to get me back into NYADA."

"No, that's not what I said" Ashley replies, "And Carmen Tibideaux would never let anyone into NYADA that didn't have the talent for it no matter what strings they could yank on. But she did pull strings to get you the audition where you could show Carmen that you had the talent. Getting back in was all you."

Rachel nods slowly.

"And what's she asked for in return?"

Rachel opens her mouth and then closes it when she realizes she doesn't have an answer.

Ashley just nods, "So Santana has done all those things for you and asked for pretty much nothing in return but she made one mistake and left. In the middle of a highly emotionally stressful period she succumbed to the need to get out of the city and didn't ask you to go with her. But she didn't leave you alone and you never told her how you felt. Don't you think it's time to forgive her that one little failure?"

Rachel's attention turns back to the apartment door, "I don't even know where she goes."

"The studio" Ashley supplies, "From what I can tell she's pretty much spent the last three weeks camped out there."

Rachel nods, "She must have a deadline for her next album."

"No, she doesn't have any requirement to produce another album or even a single right now so whatever she's doing, it's for her and not the label."

When Rachel gives Ashley a curious look, the personal assistant explains, "The label suspended all her contractual requirements after Elle's death. They might have been a little worried about the two of them being together but they got first hand exposure to how much Elle meant to Santana when they tried to split them up. Like all labels they are assholes, sure, but they aren't stupid and they knew anything they forced Santana to produce while she was grieving wouldn't be worth the studio time to record it. But if they left her alone and she went to the studio herself…" Ashley shrugs.

"So she's writing about Elle?"

Ashley shakes her head, "No, I don't think Santana will ever write about Elle. You saw what she was like when she had to re-live it for the witness stand; she pretty much shut down because there's nothing she can do to change the situation. All she can do is re-live the memories and feel the pain all over again. No, Santana is the kind of artist who only writes to achieve something and the only thing she'll achieve if she writes about Elle is to bare her soul to the world and tell everyone how she feels. And that's way too personal for her."

"So what's she writing about?"

Ashley shrugs, "Something she hopes her music will change."


	20. Chapter 20

Santana smiles as she looks down on Rachel who is curled up on one of the sofas in the living room.  The diva had obviously tried to stay awake until Santana got home but the late hour at which the Latina had finally returned and the restless nights she had experienced for the last few weeks had gotten the best of her and she ended up sound asleep some hours ago. 

The late hour was Santana’s fault, she had wanted to make sure everything was as near perfect as possible and so she had ended up hunched over the editing equipment long after everyone else had left for the night.  The result though was worth it though, even if the only output of her hours of tireless work, for the moment anyway, was the single compact disc currently in her pocket.

Granted the tracks still existed in all their high-bitrate full-definition glory on some server owned by her label and in the future they may well make up Santana’s next album, but right now the only copy that mattered was in Santana’s jacket pocket and the target audience, the person for whom the whole album had been written, was snoring softly on the sofa.

Santana bends down, carefully lifting the smaller girl into her arms and heads slowly to Rachel’s bedroom only pausing when the diva moves in her arms. The Latina successful in delivering the diva to her bed without waking her and pulls the comforter up over her sleep form to make sure she stays nice and warm.  Rachel will have to sleep in what she was already wearing because Santana thinks trying to change the sleeping girl may be a step too far at this point.  The last thing Santana does before she leaves the room and pulls the door closed behind her is to prop the CD she was carrying up against Rachel’s alarm clock.

It’s actually the click of Rachel’s bedroom door closing behind Santana that wakes the sleeping girl even although she’ll never know that.  Somehow Santana had managed to carry Rachel all the way to her room in total silence and the movement of being lifted and carried hadn’t been enough to disturb her.  The diva blinks in confusion as she sits up and looks around in the semi-darkness of her room, wondering for a moment how she ended up in bed when the last thing she remembers is sitting on the sofa staring blankly at the television.

She glances over to where the red LED’s of her alarm clock should be visible except only one digit is glaring out at her instead of the expected four.  She blinks and rubs her eyes and looks again with the same results so she reaches over and, after a moment of fumbling, finds the switch for the bedside light and flicks it on.  Rachel is surprised to find Santana’s CD, her name written in complex flowing script on the otherwise blank inlay card, obscuring most of the display of her alarm clock.

The decision to listen to the CD right away is automatic and, in deference to the lateness of the hour, it only takes a moment for Rachel to find her headphones.  Then she’s pressing play on the sound system and then Santana’s unmistakable voice is singing to Rachel.  It takes about seventy minutes to listen to the whole of the CD and when she’s done tears are running freely down Rachel’s cheeks.  It’s not that the songs that fill the CD are sad, quite the contrary, except for the last one they are all reasonably upbeat, but Rachel can the subtext present in all the songs and the fact that Santana believes she has to beg for Rachel’s forgiveness like this makes the diva’s heart break all that much more.

Rachel had spent a lot of time considering her discussion with Ashley after the assistant had had to head out to the office and had come to the conclusion that she didn’t entirely agree with the other woman’s view of the situation.  Santana had left her after promising not to, that much was inarguable and therefor she did have to take some of the blame but Rachel could also admit that the assistant was right about other things.  Santana had done so much for her without asking for anything back except for her company and the situation that had caused the Latina to flee the city had been somewhat… extreme. 

And if she was being honest, Rachel was missing Santana more now that she was just a few rooms away than she did when the Latina was at the other side of the country.  Rachel wipes her eyes and composes herself.  She’s going to talk to Santana in the morning to make sure the Latina knows she is sorry too and to make everything right between them, but right now all she wants to do is curl up in Santana’s arms and hold her until morning. 

She’s a little hesitant when she reaches Santana’s bedroom door.  Should she knock?  Apart from the very first night she’s always just gone in and Santana has never complained, but would it be assuming too much if she did that tonight?  But then she doesn’t want to wake the Latina if she’s asleep and should she even go in at all if that is the case?  She stands for a few minutes with her hand on the door knob and chews her bottom lip in indecision.  But then her hand seems to make the decision for her and the gap between the door and the door frame is slowly growing.

The bedroom beyond the door is in darkness and Rachel peers around the door.  The diva tries to make anything out in the darkness but her eyes still haven’t adjusted from her lit room and she can’t see anything.  There’s a rustling of sheets and a click then a sudden light causes Rachel to blink.

“Rach?”

Rachel looks down and she can feel her cheeks heating up at being caught.  “I… um, I listened to the CD.” The diva offers.

There’s a moment of silence before Santana speaks, “Its late Rach.”

“I know… I Just…” Rachel sighs and pulls back out of the room, “Never mind, I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Wait!” Santana calls after the retreating brunette. 

When Rachel’s head reappears around the edge of the door it’s Santana’s turn to search for the right words.

“Would you… I mean, if you want…  Will you stay?” Santana asks gesturing to the side of the bed she had gotten used to thinking of as Rachel’s.

“Yeah”

Rachel ducks her head again and blushes but she steps into the room and lets the door swing closed behind her.  It takes only a few seconds to cross to the bed and then she’s climbing into the bed and sliding under the covers. There’s a click as the bedside light goes out and then Santana is suddenly there, pulling Rachel against her body and wrapping her arms around the smaller girl.

“I’ve missed you.” Santana whispers.

“I’ve missed you too.” Rachel admits.

There’s a moments quiet before Santana asks “Are we okay?”

“We will be in the morning” Rachel assures the Latina, “After we talk.”

Rachel rests her own arm over Santana’s body and is suddenly very aware of what the Latina is wearing, or rather what she is not wearing.  Rachel’s arm, mostly bare because of the t-shirt she’s wearing, is resting against the bare skin of Santana’s torso and her hand rests against an equally naked back.

“San, are you… are you wearing anything?” Rachel asks a little shyly.

“No, I always sleep naked” Santana replies apparently unconcerned, “It’s more comfortable.”

“No you don’t!” Rachel’s reply was almost immediate and if the room hadn’t been pitch dark, Santana would have been able to see the confusion on her features.

Santana sighs, “Fine, I sleep naked when I’m not expecting company.”

There’s a pause and Santana’s pretty sure she can hear the wheels turning in Rachel’s head.

“But that first night…” the diva begins.

“I wanted to be able to get to you immediately if you needed me, or needed anything.  I didn’t think you’d appreciate me turning up naked and stopping to get dressed would have delayed me.” Santana explains.

Rachel seems to accept this answer and they fall into a comfortable silence for a few moments.

“I can put something on if it’s making you uncomfortable.” Santana suddenly offers.

“No.” Rachel replies maybe a little too quickly, “No, I’m okay.  I mean if it’s not making you uncomfortable then I don’t mind.”

* * *

Santana wakes to an empty bed and the sun streaming in through partially opened curtains that she was sure she had fully closed the previous night.  She blinks wearily and pushes herself up to a sitting position before rubbing her eyes and looking around the room again.  Still no Rachel.  Had she imagined it?  Was everything so screwed up that she was dreaming of Rachel slipping into her bed and falling asleep in her arms?

The movement of the bedroom door draws her attention and she looks up just in time to see the very person she had just been thinking about backing into the room carrying a large breakfast tray.  Santana watches with a smirk as Rachel manoeuvres into the room and turns, almost dropping the whole thing with her eyes land on the Latina’s exposed chest.  The flush on the diva’s cheeks as she drops her eyes is evident even to Santana.

“Do you… um… want to put something on?” Rachel suggests.

Santana shrugs, “I’m fine.”

It wasn’t only the current view that caused the flush on the diva’s cheeks but the memory of how she had woken up that morning.  Her head was resting on Santana’s shoulder and one hand was cupping the Latina’s breast, the nipple hard under Rachel’s fingers.  She wasn’t alone in embarrassing hand placement though; Santana’s hand had slipped into the back of Rachel’s shorts leaving it trapped between the diva’s panties and bare skin.  Rachel hadn’t really wanted to move but the desire to make breakfast for Santana and the worry about how the other girl would react if she woke and they were still in that position had chased her from the bed.

“But, coffee and other hot stuff…” Rachel points out nodding to the tray.

“I’ll take the risk.”

Rachel nods and crosses to the bed, placing the tray’s fold out legs on either side of Santana then steps back not entirely sure what to do next or where to look.

“So, breakfast.” Santana observes, “Have you had any yet?”

Rachel shakes her head and Santana pats the bed where Rachel had slept for most of the night.

“But that’s yours.”

“And there’s plenty here for both of us so get your ass back in bed and share this breakfast with me.”

Rachel doesn’t argue, instead doing just that.  She slips back into bed next to Santana and accepts a piece of toast that the Latina offers her.  They sit quietly together eating their way through the breakfast Rachel had prepared until all they were left with was a couple of mugs of coffee.  Santana remembers what Rachel said last night, that they’d be okay after they had talked in the morning, and whatever Rachel wants to talk about, it’s not a discussion she wants hanging over her head all day.

“So, you wanted to talk?” She asks.

“I think we need to clarify where we stand.” Rachel says, “I had a long discussion with Ashley yesterday…” Santana groans and rolls her eyes but Rachel continues before she can interrupt, “No, it was useful.  While I don’t agree with her totally, it made me realize some things that maybe otherwise I wouldn’t have.”

“Like?”

“Like it is okay for me to be angry and upset with you for leaving like you did.  You made a promise and then you broke it…”

“Rach, I’m so sorry for that…” Santana interrupts before she is interrupted herself.

“No please, let me finish.”  Santana nods cautiously and Rachel continues, “It is okay for me to be upset but it’s not okay for me to have dragged this whole situation on as long as I have.  I got trapped in a mind-set that was just scary.  You have to remember that the last time anyone left me my whole life pretty much collapsed around me, I didn’t just loose them, I lost everything and you know where I ended up.”

Rachel lets out a shuddering breath and runs her hand through her hair, “And I know you’ve tried to make sure I have a safety net and that I could survive on my own if I had to but I’ve become so dependent on you, not for somewhere to live or financial support but for companionship, that when you left I freaked out.  I handled it the best I could, I compartmentalized it and tried to ignore it and got on with things and then you came back.”

Rachel looks up at Santana, “And you came back for me.  You didn’t come back because you felt like it or because the label needed you back but you came back because of something important happening in my life.  You’ve done so much for me over the past few months, you’ve dragged me out of a living hell, gave me somewhere to stay, gave me hope and a future again but the most important thing you’ve done, and I doubt you even realize how important it is, is to be my friend.”

“So when I saw you back and the first thing that went through my mind was wondering when you were going to leave again…” Rachel trails off, temporarily at a loss for words.

She suddenly finds Santana’s arms around her and pulling her into the Latina’s lap, the breakfast tray having been discarded into the floor at some point, and Santana is holding her tight to her chest.

“God, I’m so sorry Rach, I didn’t realize…”

“No, you don’t have to apologize any more Santana, you’ve done that already and I’ve made you do it too many times.  I know you’re honestly sorry and I accept you’re apology.  It’s just that I need you to understand where I’m coming from right now.”

“I get it” Santana says, “I understand.”

“Good, so now I can say this.” Rachel pulls back a little so she can look Santana in the eyes, “I’m sorry.  I reacted badly and I got stuck in my own head.  I knew you were being honest when you apologized and I didn’t accept it when you offered it.  I drew everything out and I’m pretty sure if Ashley hadn’t said what she did yesterday I might have ended up losing you anyway and it would have been my own fault.  So I’m sorry and I hope you can forgive me.”

Rachel’s gaze had dropped as she spoke, unable to continue looking Santana in the eye because she was scared about what she might see, so the Latina cups her cheek and raises her head until they can look each other in the eye again.

“I don’t think there’s anything you need to apologize for Rach, but if you believe that there is then know that I accept your apology unconditionally.  I think we both screwed up these last few weeks and while we do need to learn from our mistakes, I’d like it if we can put it all behind us.”  Rachel smiles a small smile and nods and Santana smiles back at her. 

“So we’re good now?” The Latina asks.

Rachel nods in confirmation, “We’re good now.”

“Good.”

Santana leans forwards and kisses Rachel.


	21. Chapter 21

It's not a long kiss nor is it very passionate, there is no sighs of pleasure or probing on tongues, just one pair of lips pressing against another for a few short seconds. But Santana's target hadn't been Rachel cheek or neck and the flush of heat that fills the diva is very real, leaving her body buzzing when Santana pulls back.

Rachel looks away to hide her blush and clears her throat, "Well, I guess we should get up."

"No!" Santana's answer is quick but her arms looping around Rachel's waist to hold her in place are faster and now its Santana's turn to feel heat burning in her cheeks, "It's just… I've missed you being here. Can we just lie here and cuddle for a while?"

Rachel swallows but nods and they both slide back down under the covers. She rests her head back on Santana's shoulder but tries to leave at least a little space between their bodies but Santana reaches out and pulls the smaller girl closer and Rachel can't help but melt against the Latina's body. It takes a moment for her to realise that she's unconsciously repeating the patterns being drawn on her back by Santana onto the Latina's naked stomach.

She doesn't stop.

"So" Santana says after a while, apparently unconcerned with their current intimacy, "Should I be expecting company tonight?"

"If you have no objection" Rachel blushes knowing she's just been asked if she was going to sleep in the same bed as Santana that night and in a moment of bravery adds "But you don't need to dress for company if you don't want to."

"Are you sure?"

Rachel shrugs, "You should be comfortable in your own bed and if that's how you're comfortable…"

"You should try it sometime" Santana suggests, "It's liberating."

Rachel hums, "Don't you think that would be a bit weird, if both of us were… undressed."

Santana just shrugs.

The fall into a comfortable silence and after a while Rachel is pretty sure that the other girl has dozed off when her hand stops moving against the diva's back but Rachel's fingers don't stop moving and very soon she's found out how to make Santana's abs jump involuntarily if she strokes them just right. Rachel has no idea how long she's been doing this when her hand wanders and a finger accidentally brushes the bottom of one of Santana's breasts.

She feels, rather than hears, Santana gasp and the Latina's hardening nipples are hard to miss from her current vantage point even though they are covered by the thin sheets but Rachel continues as if she didn't notice. When her fingers brush Santana's breast again, deliberately this time, and the Latina shudders against her. Rachel has to bite her lip to trap the moan that wants to escape her throat.

She is suddenly conflicted. Santana apparently has no problem with Rachel's wandering fingers, she's made no move to stop her and no noise of complaint, but Rachel is pretty sure she could probably get away with anything she wanted right now. But she's also very aware of the fact that she and Santana have only just patched things up and there was still the issue of the mystery brunette that Rachel hadn't had the opportunity, or courage, to discuss with Santana.

Yet even as she contemplates the choice before her, her hand seems to have made its own decision and Rachel is suddenly surprised to find she is cupping Santana's breast much as she had that morning, her thumb slowly stroking the hard nipple crowning it. It's the moan that Santana produces when Rachel squeezes her breast that makes the diva discard all her concerns, turn her face towards Santana's neck and press her lips against the exposed skin.

Maybe they'll have to talk about this later, maybe they'll regret the decision made in the heat of the moment and maybe it'll mean they have to take more time before they can be friends again, but right here and right now this is what Rachel want's and she's pretty sure that if Santana wanted otherwise, the Latina would already have stopped her.

In fact Santana does the opposite. As Rachel's tongue slides out over the skin of her neck, her arm tightens around the diva and her hips cant up of their own accord, looking for friction she so suddenly and desperately needs. Santana's hand slips into Rachel's shorts just as the diva nips at her earlobe and it's an automatic reaction to dig her fingers into the soft flesh of Rachel's rump which in turn causes Rachel's hips to buck, pressing her core against Santana's hip and causing the diva to produce a moan directly into Santana's ear that shoots electricity right to the Latina's very core.

Rachel seems to pick up on Santana's increasing frustration because she releases the other girls' breast and slides her hand down over toned abs and flat stomach to hesitate just before reaching her intended destination.

"Is this okay?" the diva asks uncertainly.

Santana's hips rise again and the Latina has to grasp the sheets with her free hand to stop her pushing Rachel's hand where she needs it, "Fuck Rach…" she gaps not caring for the moment how needy she sounds, "Please…"

That's all it takes for Rachel to slide her hand down between Santana's legs and the diva gasps at the wetness she finds there. She allows her fingers to explore, stroking back and forth along Santana's folds and savoring the noises she was able to make the Latina produce. Her fingers find Santana's clit and she presses down causing hips to buck up again and the other girl to whimper with need.

"Rach…" Santana gasps, "not the time to tease!"

"What do you want San?" Rachel breaths into the Latina's ear, "Tell me what you want."

"I want you… umf…"

Santana's reply is cut short as Rachel suddenly thrusts two fingers deep into her core, the diva producing her own groan at the heat that suddenly encases her fingers. Santana's hips rise again and she grasps both the sheet under her and to Rachel as the diva starts pumping her fingers in and out of her. It only takes a few minutes for Rachel's enthusiastic fingers to work Santana to the point of no return. Just as she starts to feel the Latina's walls flutter around her fingers she bites down on Santana's neck and the other girls' body arches up off of the bed as she comes undone, Rachel's fingers still thrusting inside of her until the aftershocks of her orgasm have passed.

They both collapse onto the bed, panting for breath as they recover. Santana whimpers when Rachel's fingers slip out of her and then the next thing the diva knows she's flat on her back and her shorts and panties are already half way down her legs.

"What…?" she asks.

Santana grins up at her from her position between the diva's legs, "Now I'm going to make _you_ scream my name" she promises with a grin.

* * *

Santana isn't even aware she's drifted off until she's woken by someone shaking her not entirely gently by her shoulder. She's in her bed quite obviously, since she didn't remember leaving it, curled around an equally naked Rachel who's playing little spoon to Santana's big spoon, with her arms wrapped around Rachel's waist and the fingers of her left hand entwined with Rachel's right hand. It feels comfortable and natural and so right that she doesn't even question it. She's not sure how long she's been asleep but she can still feel the afterglow warming her body and she swears the sound of Rachel calling out her name is still echoing in her ears.

"Santana!" A voice Santana instantly recognizes hisses almost directly into her ear as she's shaken again.

"Shut up Ashley" Santana mumbles as she unconsciously tightens her arms around the other girl, "You'll wake Rach up."

"I'm trying to wake you up." Ashley points out somewhat obviously, "Get your ass out of bed and meet me in the kitchen, I'm making coffee."

"Why the hell did I ever give you a key?" Santana grumbles.

Apparently Ashley decides to ignore this question and Santana listens as her footsteps retreat across the room followed by the click of the bedroom door closing. Santana snuggles up against Rachel, burying her nose in the other girls hair and breathing in her scent. Vanilla, lavender, sweat and sex and for a moment Santana wonders if Ashley had noticed that last scent filling the room. Santana chuckles quietly to herself, like Ashley would need a hint about what they'd been up to.

With one last kiss to Rachel's shoulder Santana climbs out of bed and stands, stretching well used muscles. Rachel whines in her sleep at the loss of the warmth pressed against her back and rolls over, one arm thrown out looking for the body that is no longer there. Somehow she manages to latch on to Santana's pillow and she pulls it against her chest, her lips curving into a smile as she breathes deeply of Santana's scent that permeates the pillow. The Latina watches for a moment wearing her own smile before she turns and heads towards the shower.

A quick shower later and Santana emerges from her bedroom wrapped in her dressing gown, a fluffy white one she usually wears in the winter and not the light almost see through one she's been wearing recently when her and Rachel are alone. She finds Ashley sitting at the breakfast bar in the kitchen flipping through a magazine as she sips from a mug of coffee. Santana heads directly for the coffee machine.

"So what the hell are you doing her so early in the morning?" Santana asks.

Ashley looks at her like she had suddenly grown an extra head, "Morning? I guess you haven't seen the time then."

Santana pauses and squints at the nearest clock, the little LCD readout on the microwave ovem, then shrugs and turns back to the coffee maker "So what are you doing here so early in the afternoon?"

The personal assistant ignores the question, opting for one of her own instead. "So I presume you two have made up?"

"Obviously."

"Did you two actually talk this time or did you just fall into bed together… again?"

Santana spins round and glares at Ashley who sighs and rolls her eyes, "Why don't you just tell her Santana? Don't you think she deserves to know?"

"I told you, I'm not going to tell her why I went looking for her, I can't put that sort of burden on her given everything she's been through. And anyway, the point is moot, she's already done more for me just being here than I could have asked of her."

"I'm not talking about why you went looking for her" Ashley says as she idly turns the page of her magazine, "I'm talking about how you feel about her." The absolute silence causes Ashley to look up and she finds Santana staring at her in shock with her coffee mug frozen halfway to her lips. "Oh come on, it's not like it's a secret! Anyone looking at the two of you together would know given the way you look at her."

"How do I look at her?" Santana demands.

"Like a puppy that's just been shown the biggest bone it's ever seen. Eyes as big as saucers and lots of drooling." Ashley giggles at her own joke, "But seriously, yeah it's kind of obvious how you feel about her."

There's a long pause as Santana stares down into her coffee as if all the answers to her questions could be found at the bottom of the mug. Her heart thumps in her chest and her voice sounds a little too nervous to her own ears as she asks "Does she know?"

Ashley shakes her head even though she's smiling a little, at least Santana is admitting how she feels to herself. "No, she doesn't know. The only person more oblivious than you is her."

Ashley could add that Santana is just as oblivious when it comes to how Rachel looks at her but doesn't. She's happy enough to point out how obvious Santana's feelings are to Santana and the same for Rachel, but she's not about to reveal their secret to the other girl, that's just an easy way to catch the blame if something goes wrong. Still maybe she could give them a nudge in the right direction.

"I'm just saying, I don't think you'd be disappointed if you told her."

Santana seems to think about it for a few minutes and just as Ashley is about to give her another verbal push, she shakes her head. "If she doesn't feel the same way she might decide she has to move out and I can't…" Santana shakes her head and sighs, "And if she claimed to be interested, I'd always worry she was just pretending because she felt she had to."

"You really are an idiot Santana."

"Hey!"

"No really, you're an idiot."

"The idiot who pays your wages!" Santana almost snarls in response.

"Actually you don't, the label pays my wages. And before you call the label up and demand they replace me, consider if you want to spend the time and effort required to train up a newbie." Ashley takes Santana's silence as permission and continues. "I've walked in on you twice during your post-coital snuggling and I'm going to bet that, since you're being such a pussy…"

"Hey…!"

"… that she initiated?" Santana shrugs but the way she looks away confirms Ashley's assumption, "So what happened to twenty five? When you were obsessing about her before you banished me from the city, I got to know Rachel and her life plan as well as you do, which happens to be pretty well. That should have been a hint for you by the way." Ashley grins at Santana's glare. "So what happened to twenty five?"

"Circumstances change, people change." Santana says pointedly.

Ashley nods, "True, but I've gotten to know Rachel these last few months and, from what you've told me about her before, there are plenty of ways she hasn't changed and if you ask me, she still isn't the sort of girl that would jump into someone's bed just for a bit of fun. So I have to ask myself, what would make her decide to initiate something like that… twice?"

Santana glares at Ashley in a way that makes the personal assistant think the Latina is working out exactly how to dispose of her body and when she finally speaks, the tone tells Ashley that they have reached the end of their previous topic of conversation.

"What exactly are you doing here?"

Ashley gestures at the pile of magazines on the breakfast bar, "You need to look through those. You've been ignoring them for months and you really should keep up with what they are saying about you."

"Damn it Ash, can't you just give me the crib notes?"

"Fine" Ashley sighs, "There's plenty of coverage of the trial of course, pretty much all of it sympathetic to you since the verdict came out and apparently no one got any decent shots of you at the courthouse, there's some of you coming out with Rachel in the background but you can't really see anything. There's some reviews of the guest spot you did while in LA, generally good but the usual suspects had negative views."

Santana isn't surprised, there's a small group of media people that she can't seem to do anything to please. It seems she did something to annoy them early on in her career, or maybe they just decided to hate her, and they've been nothing but negative since. It stopped bothering her years ago.

"One did a piece on how unhealthily skinny you were despite printing a picture where you look perfectly healthy to anyone with two eyes" Ashley continues, "One claims you were spending too much time tanning when you were in LA, you've got a number of 'get the look' type pieces for various outfits you've been seen out in and apparently your dating three different people."

"Three?"

"In reverse order of recentness" Ashley says flipping over the first magazine, "That new exec from the label that took you out to lunch a couple of weeks ago."

"Like I'd ever date that old hag." Santana huffs

"Indeed. Second was a rather cute looking lifeguard that you were apparently distracting from his work on the beach in L.A." Another magazine lands in front of Santana.

"He was on a break and that still didn't stop him scanning the sea every few seconds." Santana says picking up the magazine, "I suppose he's cute if you're into that sort of thing."

"That sort of thing?"

"Too much penis for me, let's just say the speedo's hid nothing. You'd have liked him."

"Did you get me his number?" Ashley asks a little hopefully.

"You've got a boyfriend."

"Not any more. Let's just say you weren't the only person I surprised when I got back early. I went round to his apartment to surprise him and he was apparently more surprised that I planned and so was the woman he was in the process of fucking."

"Don't" Ashley says, holding up a hand to silence Santana just as she opens her mouth, "Just… don't."

Santana nods.

"And last but not least" Ashley says flicking over the last magazine, "A mousy but not unpleasant looking brunette from NYADA."

"I remember her." Santana says as she picks up the magazine, "That's the singer I told you about, the one I gave the tour of the studios to."

"Oh, the one you said had promise?"

"Yeah, but she's on the musical theatre course so she'll probably end up on the stage rather than signing to a label."

"Competing with Rachel?" Ashley asks.

Santana grins and shakes her head, "She's not that good. Anything else?"

"Not from the magazines."

Santana knew that tone, that was Ashley's 'I've got bad news and you're not going to like it but I have to tell you anyway' tone.

"What is it Ash?"

"One of the sound engineers you were working with sent your album upstairs last night after you declared it done. They want to talk about tweaks and a release date."

"NO!" Santana almost shouts, "That's not their album, I wrote that for Rachel not for the label, not for the critics and definitely not for the public to pick apart."

"They seem to think it'll go down well with your fans, it's a different sound but it's still very much you." Ashley points out, "And did you really think you could get away with using three weeks of studio time without them noticing?"

"I'll pay for the studio time but the album stays private, I'm not releasing it and that's the end of it."

"Why not?"

Santana and Ashley hadn't heard Rachel enter the kitchen so they both turn in surprise at her voice.

"Because I wrote it for you Rach, not for anyone else and not for the money. It's special and I don't want that diminish just because some suit wants to 'tweak' it and make money out of it. Because you can bet his list of 'tweaks' will be as long as your arm and will change the whole album totally."

"Actually" Ashley interrupts before Santana can really get going with her rant, "All he suggested was one more song at the end, a little redemption to tie it together." Ashley glances at Rachel for a moment before looking at Santana pointedly, "Maybe a duet…"

Santana had to admit the idea had some potential, the album did have a sort of unfinished feel to it mainly because she hadn't know how Rachel would respond and this way Rachel would have some income she could call her own in the form of royalties from the song. It may not be a huge amount given it would just be one song, but it'd be a start. But to be honest, the main attraction for Santana was to have Rachel sing with her on her CD.

"What do you think Rach, fancy doing a duet for my album with me?"

The squeal of joy and the small body throwing itself across the kitchen to wrap her arms around Santana answered that question.


	22. Chapter 22

After a quick lunch Ashley disappears to wherever she goes when she's not meddling in Santana and Rachel's lives and Santana suggests they listen to the album again so they can start thinking about writing the duet. Santana had used bits and pieces of music and lyrics she had already written to speed things up when she'd been working on the album but she wanted this track to be totally new, a mixture of her own and Rachel's work to cap off the album.

Santana grabbed the remote and made herself comfortable on the sofa as Rachel ran off to get the CD from her room. It only took the diva a minute to return and drop the disc into the waiting tray and then surprises Santana by almost skipping across to the sofa and laying down with her head in the Latina's lap. Santana only pauses for a moment in surprise before she remembers to hit play on the remote control.

About twenty minutes in Rachel is making a noise that Santana can only describe as purring. At first Santana thought Rachel was humming along with the song, which would have been restrained for the diva who would normally sing along quite happily, but then she realized that the noises the other girl was making had nothing to do with the music that was currently playing.

She glances down to find Rachel's eyes closed, a small smile on the diva's lips and her own hand playing with Rachel's hair. In her surprise her fingers stop moving and after a few moments Rachel's eyes flutter open and a small frown forms on her lips. Santana allows her fingers to start moving again and almost immediately Rachel is humming happily again.

"Can I ask you something?" Rachel asks out of the blue about ten minutes later.

"Okay…?"

"Why did you come looking for me?"

"Sorry?"

"I've been wondering since I talked to Ashley yesterday. Something she said…" Explains Rachel, "She put your decision to come looking for me up there with becoming famous and meeting Elle, I just wondered why…?"

Santana sighs and uses her free hand to massage the bridge of her nose before returning it to the back of the sofa, "Do you remember what you said to me that night I showed up at your apartment?"

Rachel shakes her head, "Are you trying to change the subject?"

"No Rach, it's totally relevant." Santana says, "You said 'why don't you just head back to your penthouse and expensive food and clothes and fake friends and just leave me alone.'"

"Okay… so?"

"Well you were right, four for four. I have a penthouse" Santana uses her free arm to gesture to the room around them, "I eat expensive food and wear expensive clothes, at least occasionally, and those friends? Yeah, pretty much fake. You have to remember that, as someone you could call famous, I'm surrounded by two types of people. Either they earn their living because of me or they want to become famous by association. So they're either yes people or doing whatever they can to make money or gain fame, none of them actually gave a shit about me. That's something you'll learn pretty quickly on Broadway."

"Ashley doesn't seem to be like that." Rachel points out.

"Up until Elle died" Santana feels the usual pang of pain but swallows it down, "Ashley was pretty much a yes person. She'd managed my calendar and tell me where I had to be but she wasn't assertive about anything else. She's changed a lot recently and as annoying as she can be, I think it's for the better." She takes a deep breath, "You have to keep in mind that there was a reason the label assigned Elle to me, saying I was not a happy person is like saying the Grand Canyon is a crack in the ground. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't suicidal or anything like that and when it came to shows or TV interviews or meeting fans I could walk the walk, but behind the scenes? Well put it this way, if you thought I was bad at high school, you haven't seen anything. There were times I was just so stressed with everything that I felt like I was losing my grip on reality."

"So what happened?" Rachel asks quietly.

"Elle. It didn't happen overnight obviously, but she got me like no one else seemed to be able to. She didn't put up with my shit and she'd call me out about it when she needed too. I quickly learned she was the one person I could trust to be one hundred percent honest with me even if I didn't want to believe it. She would run interference for me when things were getting too much and she could calm me down in minutes when I was close to losing it." Santana laughs, "And I still have no idea how she did it. There were a couple of occasions where I'm pretty sure I'd probably have ended up in jail for assault if it weren't for her."

Rachel nods, "I don't see what that has to do with me though?" she asks tentatively.

"Britt and Quinn put me back together but eventually they had to go back to L.A. and I was scared…" Santana pauses and takes a deep breath, "I was scared I'd end up back like I was before Elle, I could feel myself slipping back and getting angry all the time, not just about what happened to her but about everything in general. I knew I couldn't replace Elle but I figured if I had at least one person that was a true friend, that I knew wasn't just after money or fame and that would actually stand up to me, someone to ground me… Well, that would help."

"And you thought of me?"

Santana grins down at Rachel, "Oh come on Rach, is that too hard to believe? Who was the one person in Glee club that was never afraid to speak her mind, that never let anyone intimidate her? I knew you wouldn't be able to be around as much as Elle since you'd have other obligations but I figured you were one of the few people I could trust to be honest with me."

"Okay… so why didn't you say something?"

"How could I? Rach, it broke my heart to see you up on that stage with that blank look in your eyes, and when I saw where you were staying?" Santana shakes her head, "One thing Elle taught me was that sometimes you have to put someone else first. I couldn't ask you to be there, to be someone I could lean on when you needed someone to lean on yourself. I'm just glad I could help you but I just wish I had found you sooner."

There's a long pause and Rachel's lack of comment starts to make Santana a little nervous, "So that's pretty much it. From there on everything I told you is accurate, when you weren't at the show and I couldn't find you I got really worried and hired the private investigator who tracked you down to that club. I followed you home that second night and… well I guess you know the story from there."

Santana didn't even realize Rachel was reaching up to her until the diva's hand was already cupping her cheek. "I'll make you a deal Santana" Rachel says, "Lets lean on each other. You can lean on me and I'll lean on you and we can hold each other up."

Santana actually manages to chuckle, partly in relief that Rachel isn't angry with her and isn't planning to move out and partly because the diva doesn't realize just how much she has already helped the Latina.

"Oh God, you don't get it do you? You've already done so much for me just being here and you looked after me when I needed it. Rach, you said the most important thing I've done for you is to be your friend. Well the same applies the other way around because even when all you could do was let me look after you, you were still helping me. And honestly? I'm as scared of you leaving me alone as you are of me leaving you alone because I don't want to go back to what I was before Elle."

"I'll stay for as long as you want me here."

Rachel's voice is soft but full of honesty and when Santana glances down at the diva she can see the truth in her large brown eyes. Maybe this was the time? Maybe this was the point where Santana could tell Rachel exactly how she felt, how she wanted them to spend the rest of their lives together not as friends or roommates but as lovers, as girlfriends and eventually as family and wives.

"Rach, I…"

Santana had barely started when her mobile phone interrupts her, It's her father's ringtone and she knows he doesn't call from his mobile unless it's important. Rachel, since she has managed to acquire the remote, pauses the CD as Santana reaches for her phone and listens as the Latina greets her father. The conversation is very one sided with Santana only saying a few words here and there but soon the Latina nods, tells her father she'd let him know and ends the call.

"That was my Papi" she says after a moment, "He needs us to go to Lima as soon as we can." Santana looks down and meets Rachel's eyes, "It's about your inheritance."

* * *

They left the next day, Santana booking last minute seats on a late afternoon flight, so it was well into the evening when the rented town car pulls up before Santana's childhood home. They had decided between them that they'd stay with the Lopez's for this visit to Lima and Maribel had been only too pleased to have them as house guests.

"Mi'ja!" she declares as she opens the door and without hesitation pulls her daughter into her arms, "It's so good to see you, let me look at you!" she holds Santana out at arm's length before pulling her into a hug again, "You look so well and happy!"

All Santana can manage is "Mami, please…"

"Oh shush" Maribel releases her daughter and then turns to Rachel, immediately pulling her into just as warm a hug, "And you Rachel! It's so good to see you again."

"You too Mrs Lopez"

"Now Rachel, what did I tell you last time? It's Maribel to you."

Rachel actually blushes a little, "Hi Maribel."

"So let me show you to your rooms." Maribel ushers them into the house and directs them up the stairs, "Santana, you're in your own room obviously and Rachel, you have the guest room."

Santana, who is following Rachel up the stairs, sees the other girl tense up when the sleeping arrangements were announced. Right now she doesn't want to be separated from Rachel either and she doesn't care what her parents think. "Rach will be alright sharing with me Mami, no need to break out the guest bedding."

Rachel relaxes even as Santana speaks but there is a long pause before Maribel replies, "Very well. Why don't you show Rachel where to go then find me in the kitchen Mi'ja. I need to talk to you for a moment."

Santana and Rachel continue up the stairs and the Latina shows the diva into her childhood bedroom. If Rachel had to guess what Santana's room would have looked like when they were in high school, this is pretty much what she'd come up with. Dark walls, dark furniture, a massive double bed with dark sheets and its head against one wall, a closet that was probably stuffed full of clothes at one point and some sort of animal print rug on the floor.

"Why don't you make yourself comfortable and I'll go talk to Mami." Santana suggests.

"Is our sharing a room going to cause problems?"

Santana shrugs, "I've shared with Britt and Quinn before. I don't see why this would be any different."

* * *

"Mami" Santana finds her mother in the kitchen as promised, apparently working on a meal.

"What are you doing with that girl Santana?" Maribel demands.

Santana bristles at her mother's tone, "I don't know what you mean."

"Are you sharing a bed with her like you did Elle" Maribel levels her gaze on Santana, "Or like you did Brittany?"

"I don't see where that's any of your business!"

"I'm making it my business Mi'ja. As much as I love you, that girl has no one else in this world to look out for her and you…" Maribel reaches out and places her hand on Santana's arm, "You're my daughter and I love you, but you have a habit of hurting people you fall in love with and from what you've told me about her recent past, she doesn't need to be hurt right now."

"You're choosing her over me?!"

Maribel shakes her head, "I'm not choosing anyone Santana, I'm just looking out for someone who needs it. Just like you did when you dragged her out of that apartment."

Santana looks away from her mother and blinks a few times, "I think I love her" she admits.

"I know you do." Maribel nods when Santana looks at her in surprise, "It's kind of obvious the way you look at her. Have you told her?" Maribel sighs when Santana just shakes her head, "Well, just try not to hurt her okay?"

* * *

Santana's father took them to the office the next day. His colleague hadn't told him why he needed Rachel's presence so the two girls were still in the dark as they waited in the conference room for the meeting to begin. A few minutes after the meeting was supposed to begin, a man Santana vaguely recognized as someone her father worked with, came into the room.

"So sorry I'm late. My last meeting ran over." He looks up and smiles at Santana, "Santana, so good to see you again."

Santana smiles and nods, unable to remember this guy's name she settles for "You too."

"And you must be Rachel." He said holding his hand out towards the diva, "I'm Jacob Mason. Santana's father asked me to look into your case for you."

Rachel nods and takes his hand, "It's good to meet you Mr Mason."

"Call me Jacob, and please sit." He says gesturing to the chairs and taking one himself.

After sitting for an indeterminate amount of time where the lawyer seems to be sorting out papers, Rachel finally runs out of patience. "Mr Mason, can you please tell me exactly why you dragged me back to Lima?"

He looks up with a surprised expression as if he's forgotten they are both there. "Oh, I need you to sign some papers." He lays out a bunch of papers in front of Rachel, "If you would be so kind, just where the red tabs are please."

"What exactly am I signing?" Rachel asks looking at the papers with a frown.

"Santana's father didn't tell you?" Jacob asks in confusion.

"My father has no idea why you wanted to see us since you never told him." Santana points out obviously getting a little frustrated at the lawyer.

"Didn't I? Oh, well these are the release papers for your fathers' estate Rachel."

"Release papers?"

Jacob nods, "If you sign where indicated, it's all yours. You'll need to go through the bank's security procedures to transfer the balance from your fathers' accounts into your own, but I understand your fathers knew the local manager pretty well and he's familiar with the situation. I don't see you having any problems there, but if you do please don't hesitate to call me."

"That's it? It's over?" Rachel asks in obvious surprise.

"As soon as you sign the papers, yes."

* * *

They went straight from the lawyers to the bank where the manager, a long-time friend of the family, already had the paperwork ready for Rachel to sign. Over the next week Rachel, with Santana's help, went through the contents of her childhood home packing everything she wanted to keep to be shipped to New York and stored in one of Santana's guest rooms for the time being.

It wasn't an easy tasks, many times Rachel broke down into tears but Santana just held her and let her cry it out. Sometimes they'd laugh over shared memories but mostly the work was done in silence. Once everything Rachel wanted to keep was packed, Santana called a clearance company to remove everything else and Santana's father promised to oversee the sale of the house.

"It seems like the end." Rachel says suddenly.

Santana and Rachel are standing in front of Rachel's childhood home having just seen off the truck that was carrying Rachel's possessions to New York.

"What do you mean?" Santana asks.

Rachel shrugs, "I don't know, it's just… This was the last thing that hadn't changed and now it has. When I go back to New York I'm going back to school, I'm staying in a nice apartment, I have friends and now I have my inheritance. It just seems like the end of the last few years of my life."

"But that's good isn't it?" Santana asks.

"Yeah" Rachel says after a moment, "It is. Can we go see my dads before we go back to New York? I don't think I'll be back here for a long time."


	23. Chapter 23

NYADA.  At one point, before real life had gotten in the way and Rachel had found she still had a lot of growing up to do, she had believed the school represented everything about her future.  It was her gateway to Broadway, a door to give her access to everything she believed she needed in her life.  A stage to call her own, the chance to perform before crowds of thousands, respect, recognition, fame and fortune.

Except as Rachel peers out of the tinted town car window at the imposing façade of NYADA’s main building she isn’t sure that’s true anymore.  The last time she was here she had thrown herself into her studies, she had worked so hard not just to be the best she could be but the best at the school and in the end she had neglected both friends and family, her eyes only on the promise of the future.  And then she had lost everything and gained the knowledge that she had been a fool. 

Some of the worst days Rachel had lived through weren’t the ones where she had to endure the leering of lowlifes as she marched up and down the stage dressed only in wig and mask, but were the ones where she would sit alone in her one room apartment and torture herself with the memory of all the calls from her parents that she had brushed off, the voice mails and emails un-returned in those last few months before the accident, the time she could have had with her parents that she had taken for granted and now would never get back.

She had lost part of herself to school even before the accident and then she’d lost everything and somehow she had survived.  And because of that experience she had learned there was infinitely more to life that what NYADA and even Broadway offered.  She had decided that this time she wasn’t going to lose herself to the school.  She was going to work hard and she was going to be the best she could be but not at the expense of her friends.  She couldn’t get that time back with her fathers but she wasn’t going to make the same mistake twice.

“Are you okay Rach?”

Santana’s voice is soft and warm as it breaks the silence that had settled in the back of the car, just like her hand that slips into Rachel’s as she asks the question.

“I was just remembering the last time I was here for classes” Rachel explains as she glances over at the other girl then returns her attention to the view out of the window, “I made so many mistakes.”

Santana actually chuckles, “Everyone makes mistakes Rach, it’s not the end of the world.  And anyway, isn’t that what you’re here for?  To learn and improve.”

“I didn’t mean that kind of mistake.” Rachel says with a sad smile as she turns her attention back to the other girl in the car, “It’s just a little scary, you know?  I mean, it’s exciting too and I’m looking forward to it, but the last time I was here…”

Rachel doesn’t have to finish the thought, Santana knows exactly what she means.  The last time the diva attended this school was when her life changed horribly.

“It’s okay to be a little scared Rach” Santana assures the smaller girl, “But just remember you’ve got me now, and Quinn and Britt and even Ashley.  And you know I’m not going anywhere.”

Rachel smiles back at Santana, imagining for moment what it would be like to really have Santana, before turning her attention outside once more.  “I should head inside.  Dance 201 starts in a little while and I should really warm up.”

“I’m sure you’ll blow them all away Rach.” Santana says confidently.

She pauses for a moment, hand on the door release, before she makes her mind up and leans over to plant a quick kiss on Santana’s cheek, “Wish me luck” she says before she climbs out of the car.

“Break a leg.” Santana’s reply just makes it past the closing car door.

The hallways of the old building were still imprinted on Rachel’s memory and while she knew she could easily find her way around, walking amongst the other students was a little disconcerting.  For the first time Rachel realized that every one of them, even the oldest in the last year of their courses, were at least a year younger than her.  A group of, Rachel assumes, first years that look young enough to be starting high school rather than college push past her causing her steps to falter and for a moment she seriously reconsiders the whole college thing until a hand closes around her bicep and she’s pulled into a nearby room.

“Well, Well.  Look who it is.  Little Miss Schwimmer, deigned to return to us has she?”

Rachel had known it would happen eventually.  For all its prestige NYADA was a school made up of small departments, only few teachers specialising in different areas of dance, instruments and voice and given her course, running into Miss July was an inevitability.  She had just hoped it would be later rather than sooner.

“Miss July, I have a class I should really get to.”

“A class that won’t start until the teacher gets there and since I have the honor of being your dance teacher again this year Berry, you don’t have to worry about being late.”

Rachel felt her stomach drop.  Cassandra hadn’t taught dance to the second years when Rachel had last been here and she’d hoped that hadn’t changed.  But now it looked like she’d have to suffer another year under the tutelage of someone that seemed to hate the very air she breathed and took every opportunity she could to humiliate her.  Rachel just hopes that Miss July hadn’t found out what she had been doing for a living these last few years, otherwise she’s never going to hear the end of it.

“You know, people drop out of NYADA all the time.  They come to the big city all full of hope, dreams and expectations then find out exactly how hard it is to actually succeed here and they run back where they came from with their tails between their legs.  But they don’t come back.  They _never_ come back.  So imagine my surprise when Carmen Tibideaux herself tells me this little Jewish girl with a big ego and a nose to match that dropped out a few years ago is doing just that.”

Rachel watches while Cassandra paces back and forward between her and the door.  She’s looking for a way out, not just of this room that Cassandra has dragged her into but of this discussion but unfortunately she sees neither.

“So I did a little digging and I found out why you dropped out and I have just one question for you Berry.”  Cassandra stops in front of Rachel, grips the diva by her biceps and actually giving her a little shake before releasing her, “Why didn’t you come to me Rachel?!”

“What?”  Rachel is genuinely surprised by the teachers question and the apparent anguish that accompanies it.

“Why didn’t you talk to me Rachel?  Why didn’t you ask for help?  I would have helped you…”

“You don’t even like me!” Rachel declares in disbelief

Cassandra shakes her head, “I knew you had talent as soon as you walked in that door Berry.  You weren’t the best dancer but there’s more to being on Broadway than that and you had it, I could see it.  You had that thing that stars are made out of.”  The teacher actually smiles as Rachel, “And you still do.  But you were soft, naive, you would have been stomped into the ground before you made it onto the stage.  The business would have chewed you up and spat you out before you got a chance to shine.  You needed toughening up and that’s what I gave you, that’s why I pushed you.”

For some reason Rachel can’t help but believe every word Cassandra is saying.

“But I would have helped you,” the teacher continues astounding Rachel when tears actually slip from her eyes, “we would have helped you if you’d asked.  NYADA is a family, we might not be your own flesh and blood but we wouldn’t have let you fall, we wouldn’t have left you to suffer alone.  There are scholarships and grants, hell I’d have paid for your course myself if I had to.”  Cassandra returns to pacing the small room, “I thought you’d just dropped out, went running back to whatever one-horse town you were from.  If I’d known the truth…”

“I-I don’t know what to say.” Rachel finally manages.

“But don’t get the wrong idea Berry, I’m not going to be going any easier on you this year, you still have a hell of a lot to learn and it’s my job to make sure you learn it.  Understand?”  Cassandra waits until Rachel nods.  “And I know you’ve got none other than Santana Lopez looking out for you, but if you ever need help like that again, you better talk to me.  Got it?”

“You can’t tell anyone about Santana!” Rachel blurts in a panic.

Cassandra just holds up a hand, “I get it.  You don’t want the gossip magazines linking the two of you, I’ll say no more.  Now get your ass in gear and get to class before your teacher gets there first.”

* * *

Rachel had to suppress a groan as she lowered herself onto a free chair in one of the rec and study areas that were scattered throughout the NYADA building, tired muscles already complaining about the hard work out they had just experienced.  But it was a good sort of ache.  She wasn’t back to her prime, even with the lessons and practice she had done in the last few months, but her body was telling her that her prime could be achieved once again, if she was willing to work for it.

And it seemed Miss July had known the same thing.  She’d worked Rachel just as hard as everyone else in the class, but while she had been her usually catty mean self to them, she had been… well not kind to Rachel but not mean either.  Rachel hadn’t been surprised to find that this left her slightly isolated from the others in her class, that and of course they all knew each other from the previous year and she was the new girl.

So she was surprised when a shadow falls over her and she looks up to find a vaguely familiar brunette standing over her.

“Rachel, right?.  Would you mind if I joined you?” the brunette asks as she gestures at the chair next to the diva.

“Sure” Rachel confirms as she moves her bag from the chair, “I’m sorry, I didn’t get your name during class?”

“Madison” the brunette answers, “It’s nice to meet you Rachel.”

“You too Madison.”

Rachel can’t shake the feeling she’s seen this girl before, not just in her dance class that morning but before that.  It couldn’t have been from her first year at NYADA, Madison would have hardly been in high school back then, and she doubts it’s from the club so she’s at a bit of a loss as to why the girl seems to familiar.

“Sorry?” Rachel asks suddenly as she realizes she’s drifted off into her thoughts and hadn’t heard whatever the other girl was saying.

“Um, I was just saying I’d hoped we’d get another dance teacher this year.  Having Miss July two years in a row feels a little too much like torture.”

“Actually, she’s not that bad.” Rachel says remembering her conversation with the woman that morning.

Madison huffs, “Wait till you’ve had her for more than one lesson.”

“Actually I had her all of my first year” Rachel smiles at the memory, “And up until today I’d have agreed with you about her.”

“First year?” Madison looks at her in confusion, “I thought you were part of some fast track program.  I mean, it’s obvious you have talent, I just thought they’d jumped you past first year.”

Rachel’s eyes drop to the lunch she had been picking at.  She had been surprised that morning when she’d climbed out of the shower to find Santana missing from the bed and in the kitchen making Rachel a healthy and energy packed lunch.  Suddenly she didn’t feel so hungry anymore.

“My parents died in a car accident part of the way through my second year.  NYADA gave me some time off to… deal with things.” Rachel deliberately avoided any reference to time frame in an attempt to remain within the terms that Carmen had laid out.

“Oh God Rachel, I’m so sorry!”

Rachel just shrugs, “It’s okay, you didn’t know.  But I’d rather not talk about it.”

Great, now she’d managed to make the only interaction with a class mate into something awkward which was not what she wanted.  She glances at the girl from the corner of her eye as they both pick at their lunches and she gets that feeling of familiarity again that she can’t explain.

“Why do I keep getting the feeling I know you from somewhere?” she asks.

Madison actually sighs and Rachel notices she blushes a little too.  But instead of answering she reaches into her bag and pulls out a magazine that she passes to Rachel.  It only takes a moment for Rachel to recognize Santana on the cover, arm around the mystery brunette that the magazine had claimed was responsible for the hickey visible on Santana’s neck, and a glance to confirm that the girl sitting next to her was that mystery brunette.

“So, you and Santana Lopez?” Rachel asks, thankful that she had managed to keep her voice even.

Madison laughs and shakes her head, “Don’t believe everything you read in the magazines Rachel.  I am gay, but that’s about the only thing the magazine actually got right.  They couldn’t have been more wrong with the rest of the story if they had tried.  No, I don’t know who gave her that hickey, but it wasn’t me.  Not that I’d turn her down if she asked.” 

Madison gets lost in her thoughts for a few moments then shakes her head.  She glances over at Rachel and misinterprets the expression the diva is wearing, “Is that a problem for you?  That I’m gay?”

“No, no, not at all.” Rachel rushes to reassure the other girl, “I have… well, had two gay dads.”

There’s a moment of awkward silence and Rachel is surprised when Madison’s hand finds her own to give it a reassuring squeeze, before the girl continues.

“Anyway, I’d never met Santana before in my life but I’ve always been a big fan.  So you can understand that I was a little excited when she walked into our classroom one day.  We were practicing one of her songs and our teacher was being a bit of a bitch and wasn’t any better at singing it than we were, then in walks Santana and blows everyone away with her voice.” Madison chuckles at the memory, “Our teacher doesn’t recognize Santana which is understandable I guess, but then makes a fool of herself by claiming she learned the song from Santana while not recognizing that it’s Santana standing right there.”

“Anyway, once the teacher leaves in the huff we get talking and Santana invites me to check out her recording studio.  And that” Madison gestures at the magazine, “Is the result of walking out the front door of NYADA and getting blinded by camera flashes.  I couldn’t actually see where I was going to Santana had to lead me to her car.”

“Do you know why she was here?”

Madison shrugs, “No one knows for sure.  We know she went to speak to Carmen Tibideaux, but no one knows why.  Some say she tried to enrol, but I don’t see that myself.”

Rachel flicks through the magazine in her hands, stopping when she reaches more pictures of Madison and Santana.  “And you carry the magazine around with you?”

“Hey, it’s my fifteen seconds of fame you know.  And besides, it’s easier to show people than to explain it to them.”

* * *

The afternoon was full of lectures for Rachel, though if anyone asked her later what the subject of those lectures had been she wouldn’t have been able to answer.  The whole afternoon had been a blur from the moment she had realized that Santana hadn’t been seeing anyone after all, or at least hadn’t been seeing the mystery brunette that Rachel had assumed she had. 

But had the Latina been seeing anyone else?  The two of them spent plenty of time together but Rachel had voice and dance classes and there had been plenty of times that Santana had gone out without her or had been out when she’d gotten home and while they had spent pretty much every night together since they had made up, there were times before that where Rachel couldn’t say when Santana had gotten home.

She had to find out, for better or worse, but she couldn’t continue living with this uncertainty.  If Santana was seeing someone she could handle that, hide her feelings, put some space between the two of them.  Not move out, not yet anyway, but maybe not spend every night in Santana’s bed.  And if Santana wasn’t seeing anyone?  Well that was easy, she’d tell the Latina how she felt and hope she didn’t have to find somewhere new to stay at short notice.

Easy?  Yeah, right.

The town car waiting for her at the curb as she exited the NYADA was a welcome surprise for Rachel and she climbs in the back without hesitation, totally missing Madison eying the car from the sidewalk.   The short ride home and the even shorter ride in the elevator are spent by Rachel trying to work out how to accomplish the first part of her plan, find out of Santana is seeing someone. 

She could just ask of course, Santana would probably tell her without any problems.  It’s what happened after the answer that would be the issue.  Santana would no doubt enquire why she was asking and if the Latina was seeing someone, well that was when things were going to get awkward. 

She was so lost in her thoughts that she almost missed the elevator ding as it arrived at the top floor but she makes it out without anything getting caught in the doors, thank goodness, and within moments she was through the door and walking the short corridor into the apartment.

“Santana?”

“She’s at the office.”  Ashley calls back, “Meetings about the new album.”

Ashley’s voice comes from the direction of the kitchen and Rachel finds her apparently making dinner.

“We haven’t even finished writing the new song yet.” Rachel worried.

Ashley just shrugs, “There are usually lots of meetings before an album is actually release.  Artwork, release dates, promotional arrangements, photo shoots, public appearances, it’s a never ending list some times.”

“Shouldn’t you be there with her?”

“She wanted someone to be here when you got back, I was under very strict instructions you know.” Ashley smiles, “And anyway, I wanted to hear how your first day went.  But first, since your driver was kind enough to call me when he picked you up, there’s a nice hot tub ready for you to soak in and I’ll call you when dinner is ready.”

Ashley barely got the sentence finished before Rachel was half way to the bathroom with the tub in it.  Thirty minutes later they were both back in the kitchen, Rachel wrapped in one of the thick fluffy white robes and telling Ashley about her first day.

“Oh and I met that girl, the one from the magazine?  She’s in my class.”

“Which girl?” Ashley asks.

“The one that was on the cover of that gossip magazine with Santana.  You know, from the day she went to NYADA.”

“Oh” Ashley says, “The mousy brunette.  She’s in your class?”

“Yeah.  Apparently she got followed around a lot after that photo got taken.”

Ashley nods, “It happens.  Elle got the same until they realized she was an employee.”

Rachel plays with her food for a moment before finally blurting out the question she’s had on her mind most of the day.  “So, is Santana seeing anyone right now, do you know?”

If Ashley is surprised by the sudden question she doesn’t show it, instead eying the other girl for a moment before finally answering.  “You live with her, heck you sleep in the same bed as her most nights. Shouldn’t you be telling me?”

“I’m not Santana’s keeper Ashley.  You however are, so you tell me.”

“I look after her professional life Rachel, not her personal life.”

“And running a bath for me and making me dinner are part of your professional duties?”

“No, those are things I did for a friend who had just got back from the first, possibly tiring, day back at college.” Ashley replies sharply.  “Look, why don’t you just tell her how you feel?  I think it would be better for both of you if you stopped screwing around and tell her that you love her.”

“How-how do you…?”

“Oh please, it’s obvious to anyone that watches the pair of you for two minutes.  I think the only person that doesn’t see it is Santana, though frankly I’ve no idea how.  All those loving gazes you send her.”  Ashley doesn’t add that she doesn’t know how Rachel misses those same loving gazes Santana sends her, but it isn’t her place to tell Rachel how Santana feels.  But there is something she can tell Rachel.  “Santana doesn’t sleep around you know.”

Rachel looks at her in confusion, “What?”

“She could have a different girl up here every night if she wanted to, she has probably hundreds of fans in this city alone that would kill for a chance to wake up in her bed.  When she’s on tour there are people literally queuing up for her attention.  But as far as I know she hasn’t slept with anyone but Britt since she came to New York.” Ashley pauses, sending Rachel a meaningful look, “And you.” 

Ashley chuckles as Rachel turns bright red.  “I thought she was sleeping with Elle but I was wrong about that.  But I know she’s done more than sleep with you and Santana just doesn’t do that.  She’s not the casual roll in the hay type, not anymore anyway.  Remember, she’s not the same person she was in high school.  So my advice?  Tell her.”

“If I knew she wasn’t seeing anyone…” Rachel begins, head bent as she goes back to playing with her dinner.

Ashley rolls her eyes as she cuts Rachel off mid-sentence, “She’s not.”

Rachel’s head shoots up, “Are you sure?”

“Positive.”

Ashley doesn’t miss the smile that grows on Rachel’s lips.

* * *

“Honey, I’m home!”

Santana’s jokey sing-song greeting warms Rachel’s heart more than she’d like anyone to know, for a moment allowing herself to imagine a time when Santana would call her Honey and actually mean it.

“Sorry Santana, Ashley’s already gone home so you’ll have to make do with me.” Rachel jokes back.

It only takes Santana a moment to appear in the living room and Rachel can’t help but notice she looks rather worn out.  Still she’s smiling as she drops down onto one of the sofa’s.

“Well, I suppose you’ll do.  How was the first day of school?”

Rachel had disappeared into the kitchen but returned moments later with a tray that she places on the coffee table in front of Santana, explaining to the Latina that she had saved some dinner for her.  While Santana eats, Rachel tells the story of the day including her run in with Miss July and the shared lunch with Madison, pointing out that Santana had met the girl.

“Who?” Santana asks.

“Madison.  The brunette you met at NYADA.  You took her to see the studio and ended up on a magazine cover together.” Rachel prompts the Latina’s memory.

“Oh her, I remember.  Yeah, she’s talented but she’s no competition to you Rach, no need to worry.”

For a moment Rachel wonders what sort of competition she didn’t have to worry about, competition on Broadway or competition for Santana.  The thought is enough to spur her into action.

“Santana, I… I need to tell you something.”

It’s not going to be the most romantic declaration of feelings, Rachel really hasn’t had any time to prepare, but honestly it would make it so much worse if she had put a lot of effort into it and then Santana decided she just wanted to be friends.

Something in Rachel’s tone makes Santana realize that this is something important, so she swallows her current mouthful of food, washing it down with some water, before she turns her complete attention to the now pacing diva.

“Okay” She says simply.

“I-I’m a little scared, well no, I’m absolutely terrified” Rachel begins after a few minutes of  pacing silence, “because this could change everything and… and… um…”

“Rach.” Santana says softly, reaching out to snag the other girls hand and pull her down into the sofa beside her, “Just tell me what you want to say and we’ll work through whatever happens afterwards together.  I promised you that I’d be here for you no matter what and I’m going to keep that promise.  Okay?”

Rachel nods but her eyes are fixed on her hands, now clasped around one of Santana’s in her own lap.  “I can’t be your friend anymore.”  As soon as she says the words she feels Santana stiffen beside her she realizes she’s said exactly the wrong thing, “No, No, that came out wrong!” she gasps, suddenly heading towards hyperventilating, “I didn’t mean it like that.”

Santana relaxes in Rachel’s grip and the diva wonders when she actually managed to end up more or less sitting in Santana’s lap with her arms wrapped tightly around the Latina as if to stop her running away.  But Santana doesn’t comment, simply rubbing Rachel’s back gently with a free hand.

“It’s okay Rach.  Just take a breath, compose yourself and tell me what you mean.”

Rachel does just that, taking a few deep calming breaths before picking her words very carefully.  She almost wants to get out of Santana’s lap again, but she doubts she could let go right now.

“I can’t _just_ be your friend anymore.” She says, emphasizing the just.  “At first I thought it was just because you’d done so much for me, gratitude you know?  But I know now that the feelings I have for you are so much more than that.  You’re the last thing I think about when I go to bed and the first thing on my mind when I wake up.  I miss you like crazy when I’m not with you. When something good happens it’s you I want to tell first and when something bad happens it’s you I want to hold me and tell me everything will be okay.  I thought you were seeing Madison when I saw you on that magazine cover with her and it broke my heart, I honestly thought about moving out for a while.”

Rachel is very aware that she’s rambling now, but she can’t seem to stop.  “I’ll understand if you don’t feel the same way, I mean how could you feel the same way?  So I’ll move out if you want, or at least sleep in my own room, I just hope we can stay friends and…”

She’s cut off when Santana presses a finger to her lips.

“You have feelings for me Rach?”

Santana’s voice is quiet and soft and though Rachel strains to get any hint on how the other girl is feeling, she can’t tell.  All she can do is nod and then the finger is gone from her lips.

“Tell me how you feel.”

It’s a request, not a command but there is no way Rachel could not answer anyway so she says the only three words that accurately represents how she feels.

“I love you.”

There’s a long, heart-breaking silence and then Santana’s fingers are on her face again, turning and raising her head gently until they are looking into each other’s eyes and Rachel finds that Santana is not only crying like herself, but smiling the biggest smile the diva thinks she’s ever seen the other girl wearing.  And then she says the five words that make Rachel feel like her heart is about to explode from her chest.

“I love you too Rach.”


	24. Chapter 24

"Say it again."

Rachel's voice is quiet, almost a whisper, and the words slip past her lips before she's even has a chance to fully process what Santana had just said, or what she thought she'd heard Santana just say. She had hoped, she had wished, she'd even prayed but even as she had sat on the Latina's lap and spilled her deepest feelings, she hadn't really believed that a positive response was possible. And now she was wondering if she could believe her ears.

"I love you too Rach." Santana repeats without hesitation.

She had seen Santana's lips move, heard the words spoken softly, felt her heart thudding in her chest in response but she still can't truly believe it. Santana's smiling at her, tears still wet on her cheeks and without conscious thought, Rachel reaches out and gently wipes the wetness off of Santana's flawless skin. Then a thought comes to her in a flash of realization and a frown settles onto her lips.

"This is a dream isn't it? Fuck. I fell asleep waiting for you to get home again." She shakes her head then drops it into her hands.

"It's not a dream Rach."

"God damn it, I knew it was too good to be true. Too damn perfect… ouch!" Rachel's head shoots up again, "What the hell?"

Rachel's rambling is only interrupted when Santana reaches out to pinch the diva's upper arm. The Latina had considered going for her ass for a moment, but there was too much of a chance that would cause Rachel to catapult herself up out of her lap.

"Well, you seemed to think you were dreaming and being pinched is a generally accepted method of demonstrating that someone is very much awake." Santana says.

"I don't know" Rachel eyes the Latina suspiciously, "You sounded way too much like me right then."

Santana chuckles lightly, "You're very much awake Rach, this is not a dream and yes, I do love you. Very much so in fact." The Latina tightens her arms around Rachel's waist, pulling the other girl closer to her, "You don't know how many times I wanted to tell you that."

"Why didn't you?"

"I was scared" Santana admits after a pause, "And I made a promise not to leave you. If I told you and you didn't feel the same way you could have decided you had to move out and I'd have broken my promise. I'd already done that once, I couldn't do it again even if it meant having to love you from a distance."

Rachel seems to contemplate Santana's words for a moment, eyes still searching the other girl's face. "You're really serious about this, aren't you?"

"I'm totally serious Rach. Someday, when we're both ready, I'm going to ask you to marry me. That's how serious I am."

"Yes." Rachel says almost instantly. She hadn't even thought about it, didn't need to think about it, the answer was just there already a part of her before she knew there was a question.

But now it's Santana's turn to be confused, "What?"

"When you ask" Rachel says as if it was obvious, "That's going to be my answer. Yes."

Santana just sits there and blinks at the girl sitting on her lap for almost half a minute as Rachel looks back at her levelly, a small smile gracing the diva's lips. The thought runs through her mind that it's her rather than Rachel that is asleep, maybe she dozed off in the back of her town car on the way back from a day of tiring meetings. Maybe Rachel isn't sitting on her lap, hadn't clung to her when she'd said the wrong thing as if she was going to run away, hadn't more or less agreed to marry her.

Rachel chooses that moment to lean over and press her lips against Santana's. It starts of chaste but when the diva nips at Santana's lower lip, the Latina can't help but moan and Rachel takes full advantage of her parted lips. When they finally break apart, both panting slightly and not only from lack of breath, Santana's fully willing to admit she's not asleep and on the off chance that she is, she never wants to wake up again. Ever.

A few months ago she hadn't thought Rachel would ever be more than a friend, a few weeks ago she was falling for the other girl, a few days ago she'd been hopelessly in love and just a few minutes ago she thought she'd have to keep those feeling to herself and now here she is, almost engaged to the girl she's fallen for.

Almost.

And almost isn't good enough. It takes a few minutes and resisting Rachel's pout to persuade the diva to let her go and she only succeeds when she promises to come right back. It takes less time to reach her room and even less to find the little leather box hidden in her nightstand. She hesitates for a moment, flipping the small box open and examining the contents. This was probably the most insane and ridiculous thing she'd ever done and yet it felt so right, so much like everything was finally falling into place in her life that she snaps the box shuts and walks out of her room with renewed purpose.

As soon as Santana returned to the sofa, Rachel was back in her lap, head buried in the Latina's neck, arms wrapped around her and totally oblivious to the small box Santana was hiding in her hand.

"Do you remember my Mami wanting to talk to me the day we arrived in Lima the last time we visited?" Santana waits until she feels more than hears Rachel hum an affirmative against her neck, it causes the little hairs on her arms to stand on end. "You know she more or less warned me off you? She said I had the habit of hurting the people I fall in love with and you didn't need that right now."

"She warned you against hurting _me?_ " Rachel head shoots up to look at the other girl and makes no attempt to hide the incredulity in her voice.

Santana nods, "You're part of the Lopez family now Rach, whether you like it or not. You do realize she spends more time talking about you and to you when she Skype's than she does to me, don't you?"

Rachel shrugs but Santana notes she does blush a little, "I hadn't really thought about it. But still, she had no right…"

"It's okay." Santana interrupts, "She's just doing for you what she would do for me if the situation warranted it. Anyway, she came to me again on our last night. You were upstairs packing and I was in the kitchen making us something to eat. She came to me and said "Mi'ja, you might not realize it yet but you're going to need this and I think you'll need it sooner rather than later" and she gave me this."

Santana opens the small box and shows Rachel the contents. "It's my Mami's engagement ring and it was her Mami's before that. When I was a little girl she'd tell me it would be mine when the time came and I guess she expected me to be wearing it rather than giving it to someone else. But that's exactly what I want to do right now. I want to give you this ring, I want to put it on your finger and I want it to mean to us exactly what this ring meant to my parents and my Mami's parents before that. Rachel, will you marry me?"

"Yes."

Rachel's answer came with no pause and as she holds out her left hand, fingers splayed to receive the ring, it reflects the conviction in her heart by not trembling in the slightest as it waits suspended between them. It's Santana's hand that shakes slightly as she slips the ring over the waiting finger and then Rachel pouts as she examines the too large band of gold and diamond.

Santana tries and fails not to giggle as she offers "We can get it sized."

"What exactly do you find so amusing?" Rachel demands, attempting to turn the pout into a glare but finding Santana's mirth just a little too infectious.

"Well… I always thought you were tiny" Santana fingers the ring on Rachel's finger, "I guess now I have proof." Santana's eyes go wide when the diva huffs and pulls the ring off her finger, "Hey! What are you doing?"

"Proving a point Santana. I guarantee that this ring is as loose on your finger as it is on mine." Rachel says, holding the ring up in one hand and holding the other out to receive Santana's hand.

Santana can barely contain her smirk and tries to feign reluctance as she holds out her left hand. She knows exactly what is going to happen since she might have tried the ring on once or twice since her mother had given it to her and she wasn't going to ruin the surprise for Rachel. But Santana is surprised by the lack of pout or any sort of noise of complaint or exasperation when the diva slides the ring home and instead she just stares at it for a long moment.

"Maybe you should wear this one then." Rachel says as she traces a finger over the gold band.

"Rach, that's your ring. I gave it to you…" Santana begins

Rachel interrupts her, "I know but you said it yourself. It was your mother's and her mother's before that and now it should be yours like your mother wanted. And anyway, it would be a crime to allow anyone to modify something so beautiful even in the name of making it fit."

Santana frowns for a moment in thought as she gazes down at her hand. The ring was supposed to be for Rachel, a symbol of the love that bound them together and, Santana was happy enough to admit to herself, a big 'hands off, she's mine' sign for anyone that should get the wrong idea. And her mother had given it to her with the knowledge that she'd most likely give it to Rachel sooner or later.

But it was the ring that had been handed down mother to first borne daughter for the last few generations, always keeping it in the bloodline which seemed to be a stupid thing to be worrying about but it was tradition after all. It was the ring she had imagined wearing it so many times when she was a child even though she would never admit that to anyone, even Rachel. And it was the ring that had fit so well as her fiancée had slid it onto her finger moments ago.

Her mind is made up when she glances up at Rachel to find the other girl blinking at her with those huge brown eyes that she'd fallen in love with. Santana was sure Rachel already knew what power they held over her.

"Okay, if you're sure." Santana finally agrees, sounding as if she'd just lost a hard fought battle, "I'll wear this one and we'll see if we can get you something similar."

Rachel smiles happily then surprises Santana by pushing her back against the sofa, climbing into her lap and kissing her soundly. The first kiss led to a second, then a third and another and another until Santana lost count as lips met, tongues tangles and two pairs of hands explored wherever they could reach. When they finally paused for breath, both panting heavily and flushed, Rachel found she'd ended up straddling Santana's lap with her hands tangled in the other girls hair while Santana's hands had found their way to Rachel's ass, causing the diva to giggle.

"What?" Santana asks.

"You have no idea how many times I've woken up in the morning with at least one of your hands exactly where they are right now." Santana had the decency to blush a little, which turned into a deep flush when Rachel added "Though usually they are inside my underwear."

"I… um… sorry?"

Rachel grins and give the Latina a peck on the lips, "Don't. If it had been a problem I'd have let you know. And besides…" she slides one hand down until she's cupping one of Santana's breasts, "Sleeping me seems to have some fascination with these."

"Only sleeping you?"

"Well" Rachel says as she gives the Latina's breast an evaluating squeeze, "Maybe not _just_ sleeping me."

"So…" Santana says, a twinkle in her eye, "You won't mind if I do this…"

She had only intended to slip her hands under Rachel's shorts but her new ring caught in the fabric and she ended up pushing the other girls shorts down over the curve of her ass until they slid halfway down her thighs. In the process Santana discovers that Rachel hadn't bothered to put on any panties after her soak in the tub.

Rachel just giggles and plants a quick kiss on the tip of Santana's nose. "If my fiancée wants me naked, all she has to do is ask."

Santana isn't entirely sure what she would call the noise she makes, a sort of whimper crossed with a groan would be the closest description she could come up with, but Rachel takes it as an affirmative and after a minute of squirming on the Latina's lap, which ends up making Santana's pulse thunder in her ears, she discards the shorts and t-shirt she was wearing leaving her totally naked with her impossibly long legs stretched out along the sofa in front of her.

"How's that?"

"Yeah" Santana croaks. Her mouth suddenly feels very dry and she's not entirely sure where to put her hands. "Is this… um… going to be a regular thing?" she asks trying and failing not to sound too hopeful.

Rachel shrugs, snuggling up to the Latina as she watches the hand still floating just inches above her thigh, "Could be." She reaches out, placing her hand on top of Santana and gently pressing until palm meets skin. "We just have to do something about Ashley's habit of turning up at inconvenient moments."

Santana shudders at Rachel's touch but takes the hint, her free arm sliding around Rachel's waist just in time for the diva to suddenly sit bolt upright.

"We need to call your parents, and Quinn and Brittany" Rachel's already looking around for a phone, "Is there anyone you need to call from the label?"

"No one that can't wait until tomorrow." Santana says as she watches Rachel search, "Just like my parents and Quinn and Britt."

But Rachel had already spotted a phone, Santana wasn't sure who it belonged to, behind her on the small table that sat next to the far arm of the sofa. She leans back then rolls over to grab the phone, causing Santana to pull her hands back dramatically, and then shows absolutely no desire to move from her new position face down across Santana's lap. She can almost feel the Latina's hands hovering over her skin and can imagine the conflicted expression on Santana's face as she tries to decide what she should do with her hands. A glance over her shoulder confirms Rachel's suspicions.

"You can touch it you know." Rachel teases, wiggling her ass a little, "It's all yours now."

Santana ignores the teasing though Rachel does feel one hand rest on an upper thigh and the other on her lower back.

"Are you seriously going to call my parents, right now? Like that?"

Rachel rolls her eyes though this is lost on the other girl, "It's not like they'll be able to see us."

"That's not the point…" Santana begins.

But Rachel has already dialed with the phone in speakerphone mode. The few short tones it takes for someone to answer echo around the room and then they are greeting Santana's mother and Rachel is sending her through the house to Santana's fathers office with instructions to switch the phone onto speaker mode. They can hear footsteps along carpeted halls, doors opening and shutting, Mr Lopez's voice greeting his wife and then fumbling with the phone until it obviously clicked into speaker mode.

When Santana doesn't speak, Rachel looks back at her over her shoulder and prompts, "Well, aren't you going to tell them?"

Santana quirks an eyebrow, "I thought you wanted to?"

"They're your parents. You should tell them."

"Tell them what?" Maribel demands from the small speaker.

"That I asked Rachel to marry me tonight and she said yes." Santana finally supplies.

The reaction was pretty much what Santana had expected. A beat or two of silence and then her father's voice suddenly drowned out by her mother overloading the speaker with her squeals of happiness. It takes a while to get her calmed down and then to persuade her that they haven't got any answers to her many questions since Santana only just asked. Finally they say their goodbyes after Santana warns them that they can't mention the engagement to anyone yet since going public with that sort of information had to be handled carefully.

Santana hadn't even realized Rachel had dialed again before Quinn was audible from the mobile phone.

"Hi Rach, how's things?" the blonde asks as she answers.

Santana is sure she can hear Britt shouting "Hi" in the background.

"Great Quinn. Actually San and I called to get Britt and your opinion on something. Is she there?"

"Sure, hang on, let me put you on speaker." There's a pause, followed by a click and then Quinn says "Okay, go ahead."

"So we were wondering which you thought was better. Santana Berry or Rachel Lopez?"

"Hyphenate it" Britt answers almost immediately, "Berry-Lopez. Trust me, it'll save you a whole lot of bother. That's what Q and I plan to do anyway."

"Are you two engaged?" Santana asks in disbelief.

"No" Britt replies, "But it's what we'll do eventually. Why, are you two engaged?"

"Actually, yes. Santana just asked me." Rachel replies.

And there's the silence Santana had been expecting, followed a moment later by squeals of joy from Britt and restrained congratulations from Quinn that Santana knew meant she's be receiving a very pointed call from the girl sometime in the next couple of days.

But then Santana is distracted by what she assumes is an attempt to get more comfortable and as Rachel adjusts her position across her lap, Santana has to close her eyes and bite her lip for a moment until the suggestive wiggling stops. When she opens her eyes any thought of the conversation currently being held on the phone and pretty much everything else leaves her mind in a rush. Rachel has rolled over slightly to one side facing away from Santana, in the process pulling her leg up in front of her and giving the Latina a clear view of everything usually hidden between.

Almost without thought Santana's hand slides up the few inches to the apex of Rachel's thigh and the diva can't fully swallow the gasp of surprise that she produces when Santana's fingers make contact. Santana can hear Quinn asking if Rachel is okay and the diva replying that she is, her voice surprisingly steady even as the Latina's fingers slide through her folds.

She makes no move to stop Santana's explorations.

So Santana doesn't stop. She can already feel Rachel's arousal on her fingers just as easily as she feels her own burning between her thighs but she decides that her own release can wait, unlike Rachel's even though the diva has made no move to end the call. Her fingers find Rachel's clit easily and she encourages it to swell out of its little protective hood, caressing it gently at first then more firmly and smirking at the little noises that occasionally manage to escape Rachel's throat. She allows her fingers to explore, one moment a fingertip is teasing Rachel's entrance, the next rubbing circles around the diva's nub before her fingers slide in amongst Rachel's folds.

It doesn't take long before Rachel is thoroughly soaked and panting slightly but she is still managing to continue her conversation with Quinn, though granted Quinn seems to be doing most of the talking at this point. Rachel chooses this moment to adjust her position, pulling her knee further up and rolling her hips to allow even better access and Santana takes this move for the offered invitation it appears to be by smoothly sliding a finger deep into the other girl's well lubricated channel.

"Oh Fuck!" Rachel manages to blurt in the middle of whatever Quinn was saying.

"Rachel are you okay? You sound like you're breathing very hard."

"I'm perfectly fine thank you Quinn" Rachel manages to sound more or less normal, "It's just that… Oooooh" Rachel cuts herself off with a groan as Santana starts pumping her finger back and forward.

"Rachel seriously, are you okay? Maybe you should see a doctor because it sounds like you're in pain."

"It's not pain I assure you." Rachel pants, followed quickly by a curse and groan as a second finger joins the first.

In the silence that falls over the phone call, Santana is pretty sure she can hear the wheels turning on Quinn head.

"Oh My God! Are you two having sex right now?!" the blonde demands.

"No." Santana says in an almost casual tone.

At the same moment, and possibly not thinking entirely clearly given one of Santana's fingers had suddenly made it way to her clit again, Rachel squeaks "Yes!"

There is a few moments of spluttering from the phone and then the line goes dead. Twenty minutes later, once Santana finally allows Rachel to scream her release into the sofa cushion ably assisted by the Latina's fingers and tongue, Santana finds a single text message on the phone she manages to pry from her lovers grip.

"And wash your hands before you call me back!"


	25. Chapter 25

Rachel wakes before the alarm clock goes off the next morning and for a few disorientated moments she wonders if the events she thinks happened last night actually happened.But Santana is pressed against her back, the Latina’s left arm curled around her waist and as Rachel’s hand moves to rest on top of the other girls, she feels the hard stone of the diamond ring right where she expected it to be.

Rachel doesn’t even try to control the grin that spreads across her lips.

“Morning sleepy-head.”

Santana’s breath on the back of her neck makes Rachel shudder and the Latina’s arm closes reflectively around her hips, pulling their bodies even closer together.

“How long have you been awake?” Rachel asks.

“I don’t think I’ve actually been asleep, at least I don’t remember sleeping.” Santana admits.

Rachel raises an eyebrow even though Santana can’t see it, “Have you been perving on me all night?” she teases.

“Mmmmm.You know you love it.”

“But you’re going to be grumpy all day.” Rachel says as she turns in Santana’s arms to face her, a fake-serious pout settling into her lips.“You better not take it out on Ashley.”

“I don’t think anything could make me grumpy today.But I’ll catch a few hours’ sleep once you’ve left for school, I don’t have to head in to the label until afternoon.”

Rachel just can’t stop herself as her lips seek out those of her fiancée, she’s never going to get bored of thinking or saying that, and they spend a few minutes getting reacquainted with each other’s mouths, tongues, necks and every other point that lips could easily reach.Now that Rachel didn’t have to restrain herself or limit her groping to that done by her subconscious mind while asleep, her hand has already found its way to Santana’s breast and manages to elicit a moan from the Latina.She’s just lowering her head, her lips only millimeters away from their target nipple, when the alarm on her iPhone goes off.

They both groan in frustration, Rachel cursing the phone as she flops back onto the bed, reaching out to grab the offending device and mute the alarm before tossing the iPhone back onto the bedside cabinet.Then she rolls back over towards Santana and her hand finds its way back to its previous target, her lips making contact moments later as she sucks the nipple into her mouth.

“Fuck Rach!” Santana groans as she unconsciously arches her body against the other girl.

Santana can actually feel Rachel’s lips curve up in a smile where they press against her breast, just before the diva allows the nipple to pop free from her lips, her tongue darting out to caress the hardened nub.And then suddenly Santana finds herself on her back, Rachel’s hand having dropped to her ribs and pushed hard, and before she can take a breath, the diva has thrown her leg over Santana’s body and settled down on top of her.

Now Santana is swamped not only with the feeling of Rachel’s hands and mouth on her breast but also with the other girl’s hot and surprisingly wet core pressing, no grinding, against her pelvis.Rachel’s body seems to be in constant movement on top of her and her hands have already found their way up those long, tell toned legs until her fingers dig into the soft flesh of the diva’s ass.She feels rather than hears the rumbling moan Rachel produces when she squeezes.

It takes a lot off effort for Santana to produce any coherent words, but with an inordinate amount of self-control she finally manages to groan “Rach…Stop…”

Rachel did stop of course, but her expression is confused and worried as she looks down on Santana, “What’s wrong?” her voice sounds horribly weak and uncertain even to her own ears, “You haven’t… you haven’t changed your mind…?”

“No!” Santana cuts her off, “No, never!I love you Rach and I’m going to spend the rest of my life with you.I’m not about to let you go now I’ve got you.”

Rachel feels her face flush and she glances away, unable for a moment to meet Santana’s love filled gaze.“So…?” prompts.

“So, you have to get ready for school.”

Rachel groans in frustration.She lets her body drop until she’s lying fully on top of Santana with her face buried in the Latina’s neck.

“Do I have to?Can’t we stay here and celebrate?”

Santana chuckles, “We didn’t celebrate enough last night?”

“No!”

After the aborted call to Quinn and Brittany, they had never gotten around to actually calling the pair back, Santana had suggested they retire to the bedroom even though it was barely 9pm and they had spent the following hours celebrating in a manner that they could only do with each other.Once again it had been Santana, somewhere between 1 and 2 am in the morning, that had eventually persuaded Rachel to settle down and get some sleep before her full day at school the next day.

“Well, we can celebrate more tonight” Santana says as she gives Rachel a gentle shove, “C’mon, you need to shower before you go out or everyone will smell last night on you.”

“Don’t want to.”

Santana sighs, “Rach, if it had been later on in the year I would say fine, but it’s just your second day back and you can’t skip lessons this early into the year.What happened to that unstoppable Rachel Berry drive to be the best of the best?”

Rachel goes very still for a long time and just when Santana opens her mouth to say something, she speaks.“It died with my fathers.”

Santana’s heart twists in her chest, “Rachel…”

“No, you’re right.” Rachel is already pushing herself up off of Santana and climbing out of bed, “I have to get ready for school.”

Santana is left staring at the en-suite door that Rachel had closed after she had passed through.

* * *

 

When Rachel steps out of the en-suite a little later it is to an empty bed and bedroom.She frowns at the bed for a moment and wonders where Santana went, but she quickly busies herself getting dressed for the day.Her first class is dance once again, so instead of having to change at school, she dresses in her tights and leotard, packs a change of clothes into her bag for the rest of the day and grabs a pair of sweat pants and hoody to pull on over her dance clothes before she leaves the apartment.

She walks through to the living room, dropping her bag and sweats onto a sofa where she can grab them later and wanders through to the kitchen to find Santana bopping away to the radio while she apparently makes breakfast.The Latina has pulled on an over sized shirt which, after leaning against the kitchen door and watching for a while, Rachel is pretty sure is all the other girl has bothered to put on.

Nice ass.

She considers sneaking across the room to slide her hands beneath that loose shirt and between the Latina’s legs but reframes due to the worry that Santana might just manage to cut a finger off in a moment of surprise.It’s at this moment that Santana turns around and catches sight of Rachel.

“Hi” the Latina says a little nervously.

“Hey.”

The just look at each other for a moment, then Santana’s gaze drops and Rachel is sure that she’s not far from digging at the tile with the toe of her sandals.

“Look, about earlier.” Santana begins, “I didn’t mean…”

“It’s okay Santana, I know.”

Rachel walks over to the other girl, takes the plate she was holding out of her hands and puts it on the breakfast bar before pulling her into a hug.

“But you have to understand that the girl you used to know is gone, she did die that day when I got that call.”

Santana doesn’t have to ask which call Rachel means.

“Yes Broadway is still important to me, I still want to get up on stage and perform, and so the things that will get me there, like NYADA, are important too.But it’s not the most important thing in my life any more, I don’t want it to be and I can’t let it be, because when it was I missed out on so much.”

Rachel can’t help but remember the number of times she had told her fathers that she’d call them back only to never get around to doing it because she was so busy practicing or studying.They had understood, or at least had claimed to, but the diva can’t help but feel angry at herself for ignoring them like she had.

“I have regrets, thing’s I can’t change no matter how much I want to.Time I can’t get back and things I can never do that I should have done.”She shakes her head, “It’s not happening again, not this time.” She reaches up with one hand to cup Santana’s cheek, “You are more important to me than Broadway Santana.I’m not going to miss out on you on some fool’s errand to be the best of the best.”

Santana blinks back the tears that threaten to slip down her cheeks as she wraps her arms around the diva and pulls her close, “I love you Rach.”

“I love you too Santana.”

They break apart after a moment and Santana points to the plate of food on the breakfast bad, “Eat your breakfast while I make your lunch.”

Rachel turns her back on Santana, walking over to lean against the breakfast bar and pick at the plate of food very aware than Santana is now staring at her ass.She knows exactly what she looks like in this outfit, she’d seen it yesterday and today in the full length mirror in their bedroom and Santana would have to have serious self-control to keep her hands to herself.

“So, is this going to be a regular thing?” she asks?

“Huh?”

“Breakfast.” Rachel explains, shifting her weight from one foot to the other and grinning at the whimper that Santana makes in response, “Am I going to get it made for me every day?”

Santana’s tone is a little strained when she ignores Rachel’s question to ask “Rach, you’re not planning on going out like that are you?”

Rachel turns so she’s leaning against the breakfast bar, her elbows resting on the granite surface.She’s put on a little weight since she moved in with Santana, enough to take her from worryingly thin and bony to healthy.She’s still toned and fit, more so than she has been for years, but now she has curves where she should have them and the dance outfit she’s wearing hugs those curves and supports them where necessary.The leotard and tights cover pretty much everything except her lower arms, her neckline and the upper half of her back, but it hides nothing and right now she’s using that fully to her advantage.

Rachel shrugs.“I have dance first thing, this saves me having to change before class.”

“You can’t go out like that, it’s indecent!” Santana squeaks.She takes a moment to clear her throat before continuing.“Are you even wearing underwear?”

“Nope” Rachel says with a smirk.

She doesn’t miss the strangled whimper that Santana produces at this confirmation.The Latina seems to be at a loss for words, her mouth opens and closes a number of times without any words escaping and her cheeks turning a noticeable shade of red.But her eyes darken too and Rachel is sure she saw a spark of jealousy.

“Like what you see?” she teases.

Santana nods almost absently for a moment before she pulls herself together, “You’re not going out like that!”

“You’re going to stop me?” Rachel eyes twinkle with mirth, “You’re the one that made me get up to go to school.”

“You can wear something else, I don’t care if you have to change.” Santana says quickly, “And put some underwear on!”

Rachel smiles and takes the few steps over to where Santana stands.She presses their bodies together, the Latina unconsciously takes a step backward until she’s pressed between Rachel’s lithe body and the counter, and reaches up to loop her arms around Santana’s neck.She notes but doesn’t comment on Santana’s hands automatically landing on her ass.

“It’s designed to be worn like this San, it has all the support and comfort requirements taken care of but without restricting my movement or any chance of chaffing.”Santana cringes a little at Rachel’s words, “All the girls wear this type of outfit.” The diva adds as if that would reassure her fiancée.

“It’s one thing in the studio Rach, and your classmates better damn well keep their hands and eyes to themselves or they’ll be answering to snixx, but you can’t go outside like that.” Santana complains.

“What was I wearing in the car yesterday morning?” Rachel asks.

“What?” Santana’s brow furrows in confusion at the sudden tangent that the conversation appears to have taken.

“Yesterday when you drove me to school, what I was wearing?”

“Um, sweats and a hoody?”

“Which is exactly what I have waiting in the living room for me to put on before I go out.” Rachel says with a smirk.

Santana pulls back, not far enough to pull away from Rachel but enough to look down at the slight smaller girl, and frowns.“Are you trying to torment me?”

Rachel shrugs and smiles coyly, “I thought you might decide to let me stay home.”

Santana plants a kiss on Rachel’s nose before unlinking the other girls hands from behind her head and encouraging her towards the living room with a gentle smack to her firm, spandex clad ass.

“You really need to go to school.”

* * *

 

It may just have been the second day of the second year but Miss July was working them as if it was just a few days until their finals.At least she seemed to be fair in how her teaching methods were applied, spreading around the pain as it were.Of course Rachel was already suffering from a certain amount of pleasant soreness from the previous evenings activities and that just made the class even more tortuous.At least it kept distracting her from the feeling she was constantly being watched.

Madison certainly seemed to be throwing her considering looks every chance the other girl had.And she happened to be in all of Rachel’s classes, a fact that the diva had discovered the previous day.It sort of made sense since they were in the same year of the same course but it meant that the girl seemed to be everywhere.Rachel supposed that it seemed the same to Madison, but Madison wasn’t constantly catching Rachel staring at her like Rachel was catching her doing.

Rachel was hoping Madison wasn’t violating Santana ‘keep their eyes to themselves’ rule but decides to play it a little safe by retreating to a little known quad she had found during her first year to eat her lunch. She doesn’t want Santana getting pissed at anyone on her course this early in the year and it gave her some time alone as well to recollect the events of the previous day.

In fact she’s so engrossed in replaying certain bedroom based activities in her mind that she doesn’t realize for several moments that the very brunette that she was trying to avoid has dropped down into the bench next to her.The girl must have the tracking ability of a blood hound.

“You lied to me.” Madison says without preamble.

Rachel’s mind automatically replays the conversation she had with the girl the previous day wondering exactly what she was supposed to have lied about.

“I assure you, everything I told you was accurate.”

Madison seems to contemplate this for a moment before reluctantly nodding, “Fine.But you didn’t tell me every either, did you?”

“I assure you that if you wanted to hear my entire life history it would take longer than an hour at lunch and anyway, I’d hate to spoil the surprise when you sat down with my Memoirs in years to come.”

“You missed out something rather important and pretty relevant to our discussion.” Madison says, “I can’t believe we spent an hour talking and you didn’t mention it!”

Had Madison discovered her relationship with Santana?Or maybe the other student had discovered what she had done for a living for the previous couple of years?Maybe she herself had visited the club on a bachelorette night and had only just put the pieces together.The thought made Rachel panic slightly but Madison’s next words just confuse her even more.

“If it had been any other student in this college, they’d never _stop_ taking about it!”

Rachel stares at Madison for a moment, “I’m sorry Madison but can you please tell me what you’re talking about, because I honestly don’t have a clue.”

The other girl pulls a sheet of paper out of her bag and thrusts it towards Rachel, “This!”


	26. Chapter 26

Rachel groans internally when she sees the printed content of the paper that Madison is proffering to her. It only takes a glimpse, but even though she has only seen the combination of photo and headline once before, she recognizes it immediately. Back then it had been headline news, now she supposed it was relegated to some archive section of the website but apparently not archived enough that her classmate couldn't find it. Apparently it was true that the internet never forgot.

"That's not me." Rachel shakes her head in denial. She catches Madison's disbelieving glare at her and sighs, "Well, it's not me anymore I mean."

"Rachel, you won the Winter Showcase Invitational!" Madison gestures with the sheet of paper, "The youngest winner ever. The only first year in the history of the invitational to win. Rachel, this is huge! No one below Junior even got an invite to perform last year. The rest of the class is going to be so jealous when they find out."

"No! They can't find out!" Rachel blurts, panicking somewhat, "Madison, you can't tell anyone else, please…"

"I don't understand…"

"No, you wouldn't." Now that Rachel is sure Madison isn't about to run and tell everyone right that second, she allows herself to relax a little, but she can't help worrying at her lower lip with her teeth. After a moment she shakes her head and sighs, "Look Madison, Am I right in assuming that you found that and printed it printed that from the NYADA website?"

"Yeah" the other girl nods.

"From the news archive section."

Madison just nods.

"Did you even look at the original publish date?"

Rachel reflectively notes that Madison's confused expression is pretty cute, then the other girl's eyes drop to search the print out she's still holding. Obviously she's paid no attention to the date at the top of the sheet and, if Rachel remembers correctly, the article itself doesn't mention the year, instead using the term 'this year' all over the place. Rachel had considered it rather sloppy reporting in passing the only time she had read it.

She can tell when Madison actually reads the date, the brunette's eyes widen slightly and Rachel can almost hear her doing the math in her head. She sees the other girl blink and watches as her eyes track down the page before zipping back up to the date at the top.

"That can't be right." Madison mutters.

"I assure you, it is accurate."

"But that's…"

"Exactly" Rachel interrupts, not wanting the other girl to voice the actual duration, "Years ago, yes. You see, while I have the honor of being the youngest ever winner of Carmen Tibideaux's Winter Invitational, I also have the dubious pleasure of being the oldest sophomore in the history of NYADA. Madison, I'm older than the oldest of the Seniors for goodness sake. And if you show people that" she gestures at the print out, "then they are going to put two and two together and that little fact is going to become common knowledge."

Madison still looks confused, her eyes flitting between the sheet of paper and Rachel, "But… how…?"

"It's exactly as I told you. My parents died and I had to drop out of NYADA for a while." Rachel glances down at the incriminating sheet of paper, "I just wasn't too clear about how long ago that was."

"Had to?"

"No money." Rachel shrugs, "I had to work to eat and there was no way I could pay school fees on top of living expenses with what I could reasonably earn."

It's surprisingly easy to admit that to Madison even if she does still feel slightly embarrassed about the whole thing. All she hopes is that the other girl doesn't ask what she ended up doing for a living. She could honestly say she worked in a diner for a while, but she really didn't want to get into details. Thankfully Madison chooses a different line of questioning.

"But if you dropped out… NYADA doesn't allow readmission…"

It's not really a question, but Rachel nods anyway. "Well, I had some help."

Madison raises an questioning eyebrow that reminds Rachel so much of Quinn that she has to suppress a chuckle. Instead she just shakes her head.

"I can't tell you, but let's just say that things have improved a lot for me recently. But I'm not the same girl that won that invitational all those years ago, I can't be because I know what I missed out on to make that happen. Take some advice from someone who found out the hard way, don't sacrifice friends and family just to try to be the best of the best."

Madison nods but Rachel isn't sure the other girl gets her point, maybe it's something you actually have to live through to understand and Rachel wouldn't wish that on anyone else. But rather than belabor the point, she gently tugs the sheet of paper from Madison's grasp and examines it one last time before balling it up and dumping it in a nearby trash can.

"But I would appreciate it if you didn't tell anyone about this. I don't want our classmates to figure out how long ago my freshman year actually was and I don't need the expectations that the status of Winter Showcase winner would bring."

Madison nods but she can't meet Rachel's eyes and the diva knows it's probably already too late.

"What?"

"Um… I might have already mentioned it to Spencer."

This time there's nothing internal about the groan Rachel produces and the diva feels a little bad at the guilty look that crosses Madison's face. Rachel had only been introduced to some of her classmates the previous day and it would take a while before she could reliably put names to faces, but she was pretty sure that she was safe with the assumption that Spencer was the tall boy that she had seen gazing longingly at Madison a few times. He always seemed to manage to gravitate towards the brunette whenever they weren't performing, but Madison seemed completely oblivious to the attention she was getting.

"Fine. Tell Spencer to keep it to himself, if it isn't already too late. Otherwise I guess we'll see what happens." Rachel says just as the bell rings for the next class.

* * *

Santana slips on her aviator sunglasses and squares her shoulders as the elevator approaches the first floor. She had crawled back to bed after Rachel had left for the day with the intention of grabbing a few more hours sleep before she had to head in to the office, but without the warmth of a certain other body pressed against her own she had been reduced to tossing and turning to try and get comfortable.

When she finally gave up the attempt she should have had plenty of time to get ready for her meetings but it had taken a little longer than expected to divest herself of the just been fucked look that she had found reflected back at her from the bathroom mirror. One thing about Rachel, she did a very thorough job of whatever she put her mind to.

But now she was primped and polished. Her hair straightened and slicked back in a loose ponytail, her makeup simple but immaculate, her clothes pristine and her engagement ring in its little leather box in her purse. It had actually caused her chest to ache when she had, at the last possible minute before she left her apartment, slipped it off her finger. But if she couldn't wear the ring in public just yet, at least she could keep it close.

The elevator dings, the doors slide open and Santana takes a deep breath before stepping forward, ready for anything the waiting paparazzi can throw at her.

"Santana! Are the rumors true that you're new album is almost done?!"

Well, almost anything.

* * *

In the end, Rachel didn't exactly have to wait very long to find out what would happen. The class immediately after lunch was a group singing lesson, supposedly a practical session where they would learn and practice the skills required to sing in everything from duets to full choir arrangements. But it was early in the year and the teacher was new to NYADA and wanted to find out what she had to work with.

"I want each of you are going to pick a song and perform it for us right now. I know its short notice but this is NYADA. You are the best of the best so you should constantly be practicing and always be ready to perform at a moment's notice. So…" The teacher spears each of her students in turn with a challenging look, "Who's first?"

Rachel knew it was going to happen almost as soon as the teacher asked the question. That little tickle in the back of her brain that had caused her to claim so many times that she was a little bit psychic blossomed into existence and her heart sank as Spencer started to speak.

"Rachel should go first."

For a moment Rachel hopped that would be all he said, but apparently the confused and questioning looks he was receiving and quiet muttering that broke out prompted him to explain his suggestion.

"Well, she won the Winter Showcase, right? We've got to see how good our competition is."

And now everyone, except Madison but including the teacher, was looking at Rachel. Madison appeared to be making a detailed examination of the floor and looking rather guilty in the process.

"But didn't a senior win it last year?" One of the class asked.

"Rachel?" the teacher prompted after a moments uncomfortable (for the diva) silence.

There wasn't much Rachel could do, anyone that took a few minutes to search the NYADA archives would find the same article Madison had covered, so she picked her words carefully.

"It wasn't last year." Rachel says with a nod. It was true if not exactly accurate. "I had some time away from school." After a moment she adds "For personal reasons."

The old Rachel liked being the center of attention but now with everyone, including the teacher, looking at her with expressions of awe, surprise or disbelief, Rachel can feel her cheeks burning her eyes drop to her hands to avoid meeting anyone's gaze. At least Spencer seems to be as unaware as Madison was of just how long ago her victory was.

"You won it in your freshman year?" the teacher asks.

Rachel shrugs, "Yeah."

"Well…" For a moment the teacher seems to be at a loss for words. "In that case, would you like to go first?"

It's not a challenge as her original question to the entire class had been but the offering of an actual choice, Rachel thinks she actually detects a certain amount of respect and deference in it. But then she had pretty much told them she had beaten out seniors to be the best of the best when she was amongst the youngest attending the school.

But she shrugs and pushes herself to her feet, "Sure."

She's not sure when she turned mono-syllabic, it was probably because she just didn't want to have this conversation right now, but she pulls out her iPod flicks through the song list as she makes her way over to the dock. She considers singing one of Santana's songs, the Latina had uploaded the instrumental versions of her songs just for that purpose, but then O Holy Night scrolls across the screen and on impulse Rachel selects it before plugging the iPod in to the sound system.

She hasn't sang the song since the showcase, in fact she hasn't even listened to it since that night, but as the first notes fill the room the words come to her easily and she lets her eyes slip closed as she remember the last performance. Her fathers had made the effort to attend the Showcase, they knew how much of an honor it was just to be invited to perform and she could picture them sitting front and center, looking so proud as everyone else looked on in awe.

The ache in her chest at the memory forces her eyes open about midway through the song to find most of her class, including the teacher, looking at her with the same expression as she remembers from the Showcase. Except one. She couldn't help but notice a blonde sitting near the back of the class who seemed more interested in the floor than Rachel's performance. The song comes to an end, the music dying out, and in the few moments of silence before the class bursts into applause Rachel can clearly hear the quiet sobbing coming from the direction of the blonde girl who is now suddenly bolting from the room.

"I'll go." Rachel declares and is out the door before anyone else has even reacted to the quick exit.

Rachel goes from room to room in the direction the girl had run and eventually finds her in one of the small one person practice rooms sitting on the floor and leaning against one of the soundproofed walls. Rachel lets herself into the room and settles next to the other girl.

"I'm sorry" the diva offers, "I didn't mean to upset you."

The blonde shrugs, "It's not your fault" she says between sniffs.

"It's Kerry, right?"

"Katie."

Katie sniffs again and Rachel digs in a pocket to produce a clean handkerchief, offering it to the other girl.

"Thanks."

"Do you want to talk about it?" Rachel asks.

Katie shakes her head but a moment later starts talking anyway.

"It's just my Mom used to sing that song to me when I was little." There's a pause as Katie blows her nose, "She… she died a few months ago. Cancer." Before Rachel can reply, the blonde interrupts her, "And don't say you're sorry. Everyone says their sorry but nobody really understands…"

Rachel reaches out and pulls the blonde's hand into her own. "I wasn't in school last year because both my parents were killed in a car accident" she says sadly.

Katie looks at her for a long moment through sad, watery eyes, "Then I guess you would understand."

Rachel recognizes her own pain reflected in the other girls eyes and reaches out instinctively, wrapping an arm around her body and pulling her close to let her sob into the diva's shoulder.

"It'll be okay" Rachel whispers as she gently rubs the blonde's back, "I promise."

* * *

"I don't give a flying fuck! It's not going to happen!"

Santana's angry shout echoes through the apartment just as Rachel opens the front door and the diva freezes half in and half out of the apartment. She's not entirely sure what's going on but Santana sounds seriously pissed off, worse even than during her HBIC phase at high school, and Rachel hopes she's not directing that at Ashley. Her fears are assuaged moments later when she hears the indistinct rumble of a male voice.

"No!" Santana snaps again, "I've told you, it's not happening and that's my final decision! Now, I'm going for a shower and I strongly recommend that you are not here when I'm done."

Rachel can't help but smile as she listens to Santana's footsteps retreat down the hallway towards their bedroom and then a door slams. There's the rumble of the make voice again and this time Ashley answer.

"Oh no, I am not getting in the middle of this one. It's you're problem, you're self-made problem in fact, so you can solve it. That's what you get paid the big bucks for."

The rumble increases in volume this time as a stranger in an old fashioned three piece suit marches down the short corridor towards the front door. Rachel steps out of his way and he sweeps past without even acknowledging her before crossing the foyer and stepping into the still waiting elevator. Rachel watches the doors close then closes the apartment door and goes in search of Ashley.

"So… what was all that about?"

Ashley glances up from the food she's preparing apparently not surprised at Rachel's presence. "That was Santana's lawyer… Or to be more accurate that was the lawyer that looks after the label's interest in Santana."

"There's a difference?" Rachel asks in confusion.

"Most of the time, no. But if it ever comes to the choice between the label and throwing Santana under the proverbial bus, yes."

"Ah." Rachel nods in understanding. As long as it was good for the label, the lawyer would be on her side, but the label would always come first. "So what did he want that annoyed Santana so badly?"

Ashley regards Rachel for a moment, her expression contemplative before she finally answers, "You should probably ask Santana about that one."

Rachel nods. "I'm going to take a shower before dinner is ready."

Ashley's look turns knowing and she grins. "You've got about fifty minutes!" she calls after a rapidly retreating diva.

* * *

There may only be one tub in the apartment but that isn't due to lack of space. The en-suite attached to Santana's bedroom is just about as large as the apartment's main bathroom, but instead of a tub it has an over sized shower. It's enclosed on two sides by the en-suite walls, on the third by a partition wall that doesn't quite reach the ceiling and on the fourth by glass. It's almost a small room of its own contained within the larger en-suite. Each tiled wall has its own shower heads and all are operated by a set of controls on the back wall. Santana is facing these controls with her back to the glass when she feels the cool breeze that indicates the door in the glass wall has been opened.

"If that is _anyone_ other than Rachel, you had better be gone by the time I turn round."

Rachel closes the door behind her and steps over to stand behind her fiancé. Her hands rest on the Latina's hips and she goes up on her tiptoes, her body pressing against Santana's back, to allow her to press her to whisper into the other girl's ear.

"Just who else would you be expecting?"

She nips at Santana's ear lobe in the way that she knows makes the Latina melt and when the other girl starts to turn, Rachel uses her purchase on Santana's hips to stop her.

"Stand still."

Rachel's commanding tone sends a shudder of anticipation down Santana's spine. The Latina had witnessed the appearance of Rachel's domineering side a couple of times the previous night and it had been a surprising thrill for Santana to let the diva take control, especially since she had to fight so hard to keep control of her career and pretty much everything else in her life.

So she pressed her hands against the back wall when instructed and widens her stance when Rachel's foot nudges against her own and when the words "Assume the position" float through her mind, it is accompanied by the image of Rachel in a skimpy cops uniform, handcuffs dangling from a finger of one hand and something that definitely wasn't a standard issue night stick brandished in the other.

She totally misses Rachel pressing her body against her back and reaching around with one arm until two fingers are unceremoniously thrust into her.

"Fuuuuuck..!" Santana gasps.

Rachel chuckles against the Latina's back, her other fingers digging into Santana's hip as she works her fingers in and out of the other girl. For a few minutes they just stand there, hot water cascading over their bodies, Rachel peppering Santana's neck with little bites and kisses as her fingers slide in and out of the Latina's pussy. But when one of Santana's hands drop out of sight, Rachel freezes.

"Get that hand back up where I can see it." Rachel husks into Santana's ear.

"Raaaach…" Santana whines.

"Now, or I stop."

Rachel gives Santana's hip an encouraging squeeze and Santana whines again but her hand returns to its position on the wall. The diva rewards Santana with another finger and rubs her palm against the Latina's clit with each thrust causing the other girl to produce an almost constant stream of moans and curses.

Rachel plays Santana like a fine instrument, slowing when she knows the other girl is getting too close to her release, then working her up again when the Latina cools off until Santana's literally begging Rachel to let her come. When Santana finally explodes, her legs buckling beneath her and Rachel's name echoing off the bathroom walls, the diva in question has to move quickly to wrap her free arm around the Latina's waist to avoid her hitting the tiled floor.

"Where the fuck did you learn that?" Santana demands as soon as she's regained her composure.

Rachel grins with satisfaction but doesn't answer the question. "We should clean up and get dressed for dinner."

The next thing Rachel knows, she's sandwiched between Santana's body and the cool tile of one of the shower's side walls and it's the Latina's turn to take control.

"Oh no, we are _so_ not done yet."

* * *

"So what exactly is going on with Ashley?"

Rachel and Santana are curled up together under a throw on the sofa after finishing a breath taking meal prepared for them by the personal assistant. They had finally surfaced from the shower when Ashley had banged on the en-suite door and yelled at them that dinner would be ready in ten minutes, climbed into their sleepwear in deference to the fact that the PA was still around and had made it to the kitchen just as the steaming hot plates of food were being placed on the table.

They had spent a comfortable hour chatting and joking together, then Ashley had loaded the dishes into the dishwasher and headed home for the night leaving the other two girls to settle down in front of the TV just in time to ignore whatever happened to be on. It's during a break from a lengthy make out session to allow them to catch their breath that Rachel broaches the subject that had been on her mind.

"What do you mean?" Santana replies.

"It's just… she always seems to be cooking for us." Rachel's brow furrows in thought, "I think she's cooked for us more times in the past couple of week than not."

Santana just nods, "She likes cooking but says it's like sex."

Santana can't help but chuckle at the look of confused horror that passes over Rachel's features.

"Tell me she's not getting some weird sexual thrill by cooking for us!"

"I don't think so…" Santana pretends to think about it for a moment, "Though I guess you never know, you'd have to ask her." Santana chuckles when Rachel's face goes red even at the thought, "But in this case what she means is that it's okay on your own, but much more fun with company."

"So she wants to cook for us all the time?"

Santana shrugs, "I guess, it's not like I asked her to. The same thing happened the last time she was single and trust me when I say you can't stop her. She didn't listen to me then and I'm pretty sure she won't listen to either of us now. So it's probably better just to let her get on with it. And you have to admit, she's a great cook."

This time it's Rachel's turn to nod, "It just seems like taking advantage…"

The Latina gives her fiancé a squeeze. Ashley has become much more than just a personal assistant to the singer over recent months, especially after the subtle pushes she'd given the pair of them that finally got them together. Santana considered her a friend now and it warmed her heart that Rachel was worried about her.

"She enjoys it and she gets some company in the evenings rather than going home to cook and eat in an empty apartment." Santana points out. Rachel nods and the Latina adds "And she'll find a bit of a bonus in her pay checks until she finds someone more interesting to cook for."

The beaming smile Rachel directs at Santana makes the Latina's heart miss a beat. She can't help but lean forward and capture the diva's lips with her own leading to another make out session that included a little second base action. When they break apart, both panting for breath once again, Rachel manoeuvres herself into her fiancé's lap and snuggles her head against the other girls shoulder.

"How did things go at work?" she asks a little hesitantly.

Any discussion about the Latina's day had been conspicuous by its absence. They had talked about both Ashley and Rachel's days over dinner but Santana had deflected any discussion about what had happened to her and neither of the other girls had felt it appropriate to push the point. But now that they were alone together, Rachel wanted to know what it was that seemed to be bothering Santana and what had caused her to lose her rag at the lawyer.

Santana's head droops backward against the sofa and sighs, "Not exactly as we had planned" she admits.

Rachel's stomach sank as her fiancé made that confession. She had thought that the plan was relatively simple. Santana would tell her management about the engagement so they didn't have to go sneaking around or restraining themselves when the time came to record the final track of the album, but would also make it clear that they didn't want to go public with the news at the moment. The management would then make it clear to everyone in the office and recording studio that leaking any information about the engagement would leave them looking for a new job while being sued for breach of contract.

"So what happened?" Rachel asked, looking up at Santana.

"Well, I told my manager, publicist and A&R liaison. She then decided to call in the company lawyer which ended up causing a huge argument that ended up following me home and really annoyed me. But right now we're not telling anyone else."

Rachel didn't say anything, she was sure that Santana would explain in a moment and she was more than a little distracted by the Latina's fingers playing with her hair. She wasn't disappointed.

After a moment Santana sighed, "This might sound like a change of topic, but it's not. On my way out of the apartment today a paparazzi asked me if I was almost done with my new album. Even the existence of the album is currently embargoed, no one outside of the office is supposed to know about it and no one from the label is supposed to be talking about it."

Rachel understood immediately, "There's a leak in the office."


	27. Chapter 27

Rachel stares down glumly at the plate in front of her as she pokes at the spaghetti bolognaise. She had never gone back to being a vegan even though that was an option for her now, she had found that she liked meat too much to give it up again and it didn't hurt that Ashley could have been a top rated chef if she had wanted to peruse that career. But it wasn't the quality, or lack thereof, of the diner food on her plate that has caused her despondency but the fact that she is eating it at all. It is just after lunch on Wednesday and Rachel pretty sure that Santana has forgotten about their planned shopping trip.

"Hey, have you guys heard the latest about Santana's new album?"

After their discussion the previous evening, both Santana and Ashley had been busy for most of the evening making calls, changing plans and planning meetings. The label was worried about the leaker not only having access to information about the album but also to the actual tracks that had already been laid down. Any leak of those tracks would severely impact the commercial success of the album, though Santana was more concerned about her fans experiencing the album before it was complete.

Planned promotional appearances were being cancelled, single releases were scrapped, even the physical release of the album was being delayed and being replaced with an electronic only release on the big three services, iTunes, Google Play and Amazon. That didn't mean that Santana wasn't busy though, album artwork and extras had to be finalised, some tracks still needed names and there were dozens of other little things that needed her attention, not to mention the final song that still had to be written. And since the release date was set at the end of the following week, Ashley had shown up early that morning with an incredibly long to-do list for Santana and had pretty much dragged the Latina out of the apartment.

The only reason Rachel got a rather quick goodbye kiss that morning was because she happened to be standing in the kitchen doorway as Santana passed on her way out.

They had exchanged a few texts between Rachel's classes and Santana's meetings but Santana hadn't mentioned meeting up and Rachel didn't want to add more stress to her obviously busy day. So when she had been invited out to lunch at the Spotlight Diner, just a couple of blocks away from NYADA's main campus buildings, she had accepted.

"I heard it's a totally different sound to her last album."

So she's having lunch with her still growing circle of friends from class. Madison is there of course, which means Spencer has tagged along too and is still doing the gazing longingly thing when he thinks no one is looking. Ironically Madison is probably the only person oblivious to his attention now. Katie is there too as are a number of other people from her class and if Rachel wasn't feeling a little down about the circumstances that led to their group lunch, she'd be happy about the number of people she was starting to consider as friends.

"I don't know, if it's totally different how do we know it'll be any good?"

Of course since Santana is the one thing Rachel wants to get her mind off of, she has pretty much been the centre of discussion since the group arrived at the diner. Not to mention that the waitresses/performers had attempted one of the tracks from Santana's first album almost as soon as Rachel had stepped in the front door. It hadn't been a patch on the real thing.

"It's good." Rachel says absently as she pushes away her now cold food. "I mean," she adds when she glances up to see everyone looking at her, "It's got to be good, right? It's Santana after all."

Rachel lets out a breath when her statement is greeted with nods and mumbles agreements and the subject of discussion turns to the release date. Everyone seems to have a different opinion, though most agree that it would be released before the upcoming holiday season at the latest.

"I heard it's going to be released before the end of the month." Madison offers.

"There's no way she could do that" Spencer says, "She'd have to have recorded all of the tracks already."

"She did spend the best part of three weeks in the recording studio recently." Madison says.

"Do you think that's enough time to record a whole album?" Katie wonders.

"How do you all know this stuff?" Rachel interrupts. "The new album, the new sound, the time in the studio…" Rachel shakes her head and metaphorically crosses her fingers, "If she's been recording recently then the album can't be anywhere near ready, right? So is the record company releasing this information, or what...?"

Madison shrugs, "Tumblr."

Katie jumps in at Rachel's blank look, "It's a social blogging site on the internet. You sign up and can follow other bloggers, repost and favourite their posts or post your own."

Madison holds out her hand, "Here, let me see your phone."

Rachel unlocks her phone and hands it over, completely forgetting that the background image is still set to the one of Santana giving an autograph to a young fan on the first day they had gone shopping. Madison doesn't seem to notice though and instead prods and swipes around the screen for a while before finally handing the phone back.

"There. I installed the Tumblr app for you and followed a few of the better Santana related blogs. Keep an eye on that and you'll see all the new rumours as soon as they come out."

Rachel looks down at her phone and finds a new application open and a picture of Santana staring back at her from the screen. A flick of her finger scrolls that picture off the screen only for it to be replaced by another, and another and another. Some of the photos are older but many are recent, there are a couple of Santana's music videos embedded in posts and something that looks like a looping animation that seems to be of an interview Santana must have given on some television show.

She stops on one particular picture, recognising an outfit Santana had worn the previous day and the main entrance of their apartment block in the background. There's some text under the picture stating where and when it was taken. Rachel smirks at the surprised look the Latina is wearing in the photo.

"What are notes?" she asks noticing a large number identified as notes at the very bottom of the post.

"That's people liking or reblogging the post."

"Wait. So you're saying that almost two hundred thousand people have liked or reblogged this one image?" Rachel asks incredulously, "In the last day?"

"Santana has a lot of fans" Madison says with a shrug, "And a lot of them are on tumblr. Oh and your account name is santanaaddict, all one word and lowercase. Your password is currently your name, but you should change that right now. Your password I mean, not your name. And if someone wants to follow you, just tell them your account name."

"santanaaddict?"

"Hey, it has to be unique and there are a lot of people on Tumblr. RachelBerry was already taken." Madison says, "And you do have a photo of Santana as your background image."

Rachel's eyes are unwillingly drawn to the phone screen but the images of Santana staring back up at her aren't from her background image but from other people's blog posts. A pang of jealousy makes itself known in the diva's chest, both because of the number of people that adore (and in some cases it seems, possibly obsesses over) Santana and how open they can be about it.

She's pretty sure any blog she posted to seriously would quickly become well followed given the number of photos Rachel had that no one else would have seen before. She had gotten into the habit of taking photos of the Latina in the quiet moments and sometimes not so quiet moments that they shared. Sometimes Santana didn't notice but other times she pulled a funny face or posed for the photo or pulled Rachel into the frame so the photo could be of both of them, but she never asked Rachel to stop taking photos.

Those photos were just for the two of them though and there was no way she could or would post them online. Maybe they could be put into photo frames or albums later, or maybe even used on an official biography, but right now the only people that would see them were herself and Santana.

Rachel actually jumps slightly when the phone in her hand starts to vibrate. The slight frown she had been wearing instantly converted into an honest smile when the letter S and a photo of Santana in silhouette appears on the screen. She instantly accepts the call.

"I was just thinking about you."

"Only sexy thoughts I hope" Santana jokes back.

Rachel hums her agreement as she glances up to see if any of her friends are paying any attention to the call, which they aren't.

"So, I'm outside when you're ready." Santana's voice comes across the connection again.

Rachel glances out the window at the front of the diner almost expecting to see Santana out there on the sidewalk, leaning against her town car and looking back at her while she talks into her mobile phone. Except there's no car and no Santana since the singer doesn't know where Rachel is right now.

"Where?"

"Outside NYADA" Santana replies with a chuckle, "Where else?"

Rachel's stomach drops. "I'm not there" she says quietly, "You were in so much of a hurry this morning, I thought…"

Santana waits a few moments after Rachel trails off before prompting, "Thought what?"

"I thought you'd be busy all day."

"You thought I forgot." Santana says after a beat.

Rachel could hear a little hurt tinge Santana's voice, "It's just you have so much to do with…" she manages to catch herself before she says anything that could tip her friends off, "… with everything going it. It would have been totally understandable."

For a few moments all that can be heard from the speaker on Rachel's phone is the sound of Santana's breathing. Rachel notices Madison looking her way and sends her a smile that probably looked more like a grimace before turning away in an attempt to gain a little bit more privacy.

"Rach, I would never forget a promise I made you and especially not something as important as this." Santana says quietly. "I was in a hurry this morning so that I could get everything done and still have this afternoon free for you."

Rachel blinks back a tear, "I'm sorry."

"Rach, are you… Are you having second thoughts?"

"NO!" Rachel almost shouts into her phone. That gets the attention of the rest of her table but she dismisses them with a smile. "No, I definitely haven't changed my mind."

Santana's sigh of relief buzzes in Rachel's ear.

"So, where are you?"

"The Spotlight Diner, it's just a couple of blocks…"

"I know it," Santana interrupts her, "I used to work there."

"Really?" Rachel's eyes easily find the photo of Santana hanging on the wall where she had seen it almost as soon as they had stepped inside. And now she's looking she recognises the distinctive collar of the diner's uniform.

"Really. I haven't been there in so long..." Santana sighs at the memory, "But I'll tell you about it some other time." There's a pause and Rachel can hear Santana talking to her driver. "With this traffic, we're about five minutes away."

Rachel makes her excuses and heads out of the diner. There's no sign of Santana's town car in either direction, so she finds a spot between the parked cars and waits at the kerb. She can't help but bounce on her toes a little as she waits, a huge smile plastered all over her face. It's a little ridiculous at how quickly her day has turned around just because of a less than five minute conversation with Santana, but she's getting married (at some point) and she's about to go shopping for her engagement ring with so she thinks she has every right to be just a little giddy about it.

A familiar black town car turns onto the block and Rachel takes a moment to glance around. The side walk isn't that busy given the time of day and a glance back through the diner's window shows her classmates still caught up in their conversation. She wonders what they would think if they knew the subject of their conversation was less than ten feet away.

The car slides to a halt in front of Rachel and the back door pops open. Santana's face appears in the gap for a split second before she disappears back into the car. Rachel opens the door just enough to less her slip inside and before she's properly situated, Santana's lips are pressed against her own. Her moan of pleasure becomes a groan of pain as she momentarily loses track of her limbs and manages to shut the car door on her foot.

"Are you okay?" Santana pulls away to ask.

"Yeah. Just a sec…"

She pushes the door open enough to pull in her foot and Santana chuckles when she sees the cause of Rachel's discomfort.

"And I thought you were supposed to be a dancer." Santana teases, "Aren't you supposed to be more graceful than that?"

Rachel huffs and crosses her arms over her chest. "Firstly, dancing is only one of the skills I'll need as a Broadway star, and one of the more minor ones at that. And secondly, it's a little difficult to remain fully functional when your fiancée kisses you like that."

"Like what?" Santana prompts.

"Like it's the first time we kissed in months rather than hours. Like its 'Hello' and 'I love you' and 'I need you' and 'l want you' all wrapped up into one. Like you never want to kiss anyone else ever again and you never want to stop kissing me."

Rachel flushes a little when she's done. She's not entirely sure where all that came from but Santana is smiling a small, honest smile Rachel has only ever seen dressed at her and is nodding.

"Yeah" the Latina says quietly, "That sounds about right."

The driver obviously knows where they are going because the car is already moving and Santana and Rachel just sit Staring at each other, stretching out the moment. Then suddenly Rachel pounces, shoving the Latina hard against the seat before straddling her and kissing her heatedly. When she pulls back they are both panting.

"And what does that say?" Rachel queries.

"Oh that's easy," Santana says with a smirk, "That one says 'Mine'."

* * *

They might have gotten a little carried away in the back of the car because neither of them had noticed that they had arrived at their destination and it took a pointed cough from their driver to bring them to their senses. Rachel was still straddling Santana with her hands tangled in the Latina's hair while Santana's hands had made their way down the back of Rachel's sweat pants causing her to curse whoever came up with the concept of a skin tight leotard.

Well, she'd curse whoever it was until she could get Rachel out of her sweats.

And then Rachel looked out of the car window and squealed so loud that Santana's pretty sure it damaged her hearing.

"Tiffany's!"

Santana grinned, "Only the best for my fiancée."

But Rachel's shoulders are already dropping, "But they're closed!"

The blinds drawn down over the windows and door and low internal lighting does indeed make it look like the store is close. But Santana just grins and pulls out her phone and works at the on-screen keyboard for a while. She looks up expectantly and a few moments later the store door opens and someone steps out, obviously looking around for the car. Rachel turns wide-eyes towards Santana.

"Tiffany's have a lot of high profile clients and they understand that those clients sometimes need a little discretion while they're shopping." Santana winks at Rachel, "Especially when they've been informed that said client is planning on spending a shit load of money on bling."

It's one of those moments where Rachel realises once again just how famous and influential Santana actually is. She's managed to close one of the most prestigious jewellery stores in New York City to the public just because she doesn't want to be spotted buying a ring. A few months ago Rachel would have been lucky to have been allowed past the front door and even then she probably would have been followed about by a security guard rather than a sales assistant.

Santana glances in both directions along the sidewalk and, happy with the lack of foot traffic, gives Rachel a nudge.

"Go on, I'll follow in a second."

Rachel opens the door and steps out of the car to find their driver waiting for her. She's quickly escorted across the street, the store door opens and she's ushered inside. There's another sales assistant waiting for her inside, already offering her a glass of Champaign.

"Miss Berry I presume! Welcome to Tiffany and Co. I'm Marissa, the store manager and I'll be assisting you and Miss Lopez today."

"Th-thank you" Rachel stutters as she accepts the glass.

She glances around the room and, finding no one else present apart from a discreetly positioned security guard, she returns her attention to the manager. The woman is the definition of elegance, tall and beautiful, her make-up immaculate and her clothes expensive. Rachel suddenly feels rather scruffy next to her in her sweats and leotard. She shifts uncomfortably, wondering what's taking Santana so long.

"Um, I sorry about..." She gestures to her outfit.

"It's quite alright Miss Berry, Miss Lopez told us you'd be coming straight from school." The woman smiles what appears to be a genuine smile, "Some of our customers can be a little... eccentric. Trust me when I say that your current outfit is nothing against some of the things we've seen in here."

It reassures Rachel a little but she still feels awkward and out of place. She looks around the store again, her eyes flicking from one display case to another and wondering just how much the pieces inside cost. She couldn't see much from her current vantage point, just flashes and sparkles of light reflecting off gemstone as she turned her head, and she doesn't realise she's craning her neck for a better look until Marissa speaks.

"Please feel free to have a look around while we wait for Miss Lopez."

Rachel blushes but shakes her head, she's out of her depth here by a long way and she needs Santana to hold her hand, figuratively and literally. And where was Santana? It shouldn't have taken this long for her to make it to the store from her car.

Just as she's thinking that, the door opened again and Santana enters followed by the assistant that had been outside. Rachel just catches a glimpse of their driver standing on the lowest step apparently doing his impression of security. There are some members of the public on the sidewalk craning their neck to get a look inside the store.

"Sorry about that," Santana says as she accepts the glass of Champaign, "I was spotted by some fans. I don't think they saw you on the way in though Rach, but we're going to have to be careful on the way out."

Rachel nods. Santana getting noticed and surrounded by fans wasn't something new but luckily so far no one had noticed them together.

"Miss Lopez, now that you're here can I take this opportunity to congratulate you and Miss Berry on your engagement and thank you for choosing Tiffany and Co to supply your engagement rings." Marissa says.

"Ring" Santana corrects her, "I already have mine, it was my Mami's."

Marissa nods and if she's disappointed at the loss of a sale, she's professional enough not to let it show.

"So!" Santana says briskly, "Engagement rings."

Marissa led them over to one particular set of display cases and took her position behind them. Each case held a number of trays and Rachel was presented with a dizzying array of options. What she did notice was the complete lack of price tags, she assumed that if you had to ask you probably can't afford them.

"Was there anything in particular you had in mind?" Marissa asks.

Rachel shrugs and shakes her head. She is so captivated by all the shiny rings that she doesn't notice Santana rolling her eyes and shaking her head.

"Rachel, if I know anything about you it's that you've been planning your wedding since you were a kid and you know exactly what kind of ring you want." Santana pauses but when Rachel don't say anything she prompts her, "Rach?"

The diva turns and takes a step towards Santana, pinning a little space between them and the manager. "It would be expensive." She mutters so only Santana can hear, "Like, really expensive."

Santana takes Rachel's hand and pulls her close, "Rach, I want us to have the perfect wedding, the one you have been dreaming of since you were a kid. And the perfect wedding starts with the perfect engagement ring. So tell the woman what you want."

Rachel blinks up at Santana for a moment, "But what about you? What about your perfect wedding?"

"My perfect wedding is one that ends with me being married to you."

Rachel swoons. There really is no other word for it. Every time Santana says something so perfect it makes her appreciate once more just how lucky she has been.

"So tell the woman that you want." Santana nudges her fiancée back towards the manager.

Rachel turns back to the other woman, very aware that her cheeks are flushed. "Platinum or white gold band. Princess cut main diamond with a smaller diamond on each shoulder, preferably heart cut."

"Did you have an idea of what size of main stone you wanted?" Marissa asked.

"Just show us what you have," Santana answers before Rachel can say anything. "Don't worry about cost."

They didn't have a ring exactly like Rachel had described of course, so Marissa shows them tray after tray of platinum or white gold solitaire rings that could have additional stones mounted on the shoulders. Rachel picks out a few to short list while Santana stands pressed against her back, arms wrapped around her fiancée and watching closely over her shoulder.

"You don't like that ring Rach." Santana says as the diva selects another ring to add to the short list.

"What?" Rachel asks in surprise, "It's a perfectly nice ring Santana!"

"True" Santana agrees, "But if it was the right ring you wouldn't have just called it 'Perfectly Nice' and you certainly wouldn't have taken five minutes to spot it amongst all the others." She takes the ring and returns it to its spot in the tray. "In fact, I'd guess that none of these rings are the one, right?"

Santana feels Rachel's whole body slump against her own, it's all the confirmation she needs. "Look, you don't need to skip rings because they look too expensive, I want you to have the right ring, not one that doesn't look too expensive so don't even think about the price. And if you don't find it here, we can always look elsewhere."

"But this is Tiffany's!" Rachel protests.

"And a perfectly nice ring from here isn't going to be as good as the right ring from somewhere else, is it?"

Rachel glares over her shoulder at Santana for a moment before deflating again and shaking her head.

"It's okay Rach." Santana gives the other girl a reassuring squeeze, "Let's keep looking, you never know."

"We have some older stock in the vault," the store manager offers, "They are last year's designs but there might be something there..."

They both nod and Marissa disappears through an unmarked door leaving them to browse the displays under the discreet and watchful eye of the security guard and the other assistant. Santana decides that she isn't about to let Rachel go, it's not often she can be affectionate with her anywhere other than at their apartment, so their progress from one case to another is more of an awkward shuffle than anything else.

It doesn't help that Santana allows her hands to roam over Rachel's tight body and she's more interested in nibbling on the diva's earlobe or sucking on her neck than watching where they're going. So they come very close to tripping and falling onto the last case of engagement rings, but luckily Rachel manages to keep her feet and keep them both upright.

"Santana!" Rachel jerks her head away from the Latina's mouth and cranes her head to catch a glimpse of her, "Be careful. You might be able to afford to pay for anything we damage, but I would really prefer not to have to pick bits of glass out of my face when my legs give way because you keep doing that and I end up face first in one of these display cases!"

Santana mumbles something that might be an apology but she's more interested in reattaching her lips to Rachel's skin. The diva rolls her eyes, a habit she's picked up from Santana, and returns her attention to the case they are standing at. Her eyes scan the trays, her eyes skipping over rings that didn't interest her and pausing only for a fraction of a second on ones that attracted her attention. She was just about to dismiss the display case as a whole when she finally sees it.

Her jaw drops and she is pretty sure she is doing that thing cartoon characters do when their eyes pop out of their heads. She blinks repeatedly, thinking for a moment that she's seeing things and it's not really there. But each time she opens her eyes the ring seems to sparkle at her. Her heart seems to be about to thump out of her chest and she's feeling a little light headed.

"Breathe Rach."

She doesn't even realise she was holding her breath until Santana murmured those words into her ear. She drags in a shuddering breath and instantly feels better. But Santana has noticed something was wrong and for the moment has abandoned her attack in Rachel's neck. She pulls her head back and examines the other girl for a moment before following her gaze. It takes her a moment to track down what Rachel is looking at, but then...

"Oh my God!"

"Santana, that's it!" Rachel turns in Santana's arms and grabs the front of her dress, bouncing up and down in happiness, "That's it Santana, that's it!" she keeps repeating.

It's tucked away at the back of the case, alone on a small tray that should hold half a dozen rings. It almost looks like it has been forgotten but it still manages to catch the light.

"That's unbelievable." Santana breaths.

"Yeah." Rachel agrees.

"How is that possible?" Santana asks, "That looks just like mine."

It's not identical but Santana is right, the ring they have just found looks very similar to the one that has been passed down through the Latina's family for generations.

"Are you sure that's it Rach? It's nothing like you described."

Rachel nods enthusiastically. "The ring I described, I've been dreaming about that ring almost all my life Santana. I researched everything there was to know about engagement rings. The gem stones, the cuts, clarity, colour, different metals and settings. I imagined the perfect ring, I imagined someone getting down on their knee and presenting it to me. I imagined wearing it on my finger and I imagined constantly showing it off, this perfect ring that everyone would envy. But that ring? It was the ring my head wanted." Rachel turns back to the display case, "That is the ring my heart wants."

"Okay" Santana agrees, "That's the ring."

They wait impatiently for Marissa to return, Rachel actually bounces on her toes even though Santana is still holding her. She's glad that the store is open only for them otherwise she would be worrying that someone else was about to come along and steal the ring from under their noses. As it is the wait is almost agonising and when Marissa reappears, a tray of rings in each hand, Rachel is pointing and call to her before she makes it halfway across the room.

"We've found it! Here, the one by itself on that tray at the back."

Marissa crosses to the display case they are standing next to and looks where Rachel indicates. Her expression shows surprise for a moment but she makes no comment as she pulls the tray out and sets it on top of the case. She makes to hand the ring to Rachel, but Santana beats her fiancée to it, taking the ring and slipping it on Rachel's slightly shaking finger.

It fits perfectly and Rachel is pretty sure that's a sign.

"How much?" she asks.

Marissa is about to answer, but Santana beats her to it, "It doesn't matter what it costs. That's the ring so it's going to be your ring."

Marissa smiles and Rachel is sure she can see dollar signs in her eyes. She's not sure if people in a store this prestigious are paid on commission, but either way the manager is enthusiastic about the sale. Maybe she just hopes the two of them will mention Tiffany's when they show off the ring.

"It is an excellent choice." Marissa says, "It's actually a vintage piece which should have been stored in the vault when it wasn't specifically being shown to someone. I'm not sure what it's doing out here."

Rachel can't take her eyes off of the ring as Santana takes care of the paperwork and payment. She holds her hand out in front of her, fingers splayed and rotates it back and forth slightly so the stones catch the light in the store. She's still holding it out like that and staring at it in disbelief when Santana takes her other hand and leads her over to the door. The car is already waiting outside, back door open and their driver standing next to it. Rachel is pretty much oblivious though, her eyes still fixed on the ring she can't believe is actually wearing, and the next time she blinks she's sitting in the back seat of the car and they are on their way home.


End file.
